I’m pregnant and I don’t know what to do.

[iloveguac]

Hi, I’m 21 and I’ve just found out I’m pregnant. I’ve been pregnant and had an abortion before and it was one of the worst experiences in my life and I thought my boyfriend and I were being careful after everything but I’ve now fallen pregnant again. I’m so confused because I really don’t want to have another abortion because the pain for me was horrible (I don’t deal well with pain) and the emotional stress was exhausting. My boyfriend thinks it’s his fault and he feels awful but I know he wants me to have an abortion because we don’t have a lot of money between us. So I’m now very confused and am looking for some advice as I don’t want to get rid of this baby and then regret it but then what happens if I go through with the pregnancy and end up regretting it?! I also want to make my boyfriend feel better about the whole situation as he feels like this is all his fault.

Any response would be greatly appreciated x

[Hidden]

Hiya! So sorry to hear you had such a hard time having an abortion pregnancy can be an anxious thing for anyone even planned, my daughter wasn't planned and she has made my life better, it really changes your life. I obviously don't know your personal experience but is money something you can sort out eventually? Talk it through with your boyfriend, think about each scenario and how you would feel xxxxxxx

[Joey89]

I had my daughter just a few weeks after my 21st bday she’s now 8 almost 9 I ended my relationship before I even knew I was pregnant. It can be very stressful so what’s best for you but I do have to say having my daughter was the best thing that has ever happened to me I did raise her alone for 5 years but I could never imagine her not in my life

[Hidden]

I don’t think anyone ever really feels ready for a baby either emotionally or financially. Even if the pregnancy was planned and you were financially comfortable it’s such a life changing thing how could anyone feel prepared for it. Having doubts is totally normal, you wouldn’t be human if it didn’t freak you out a bit. My advice is don’t let money or your partners opinion sway your decision. Nobody is particularly well off at 21 because they haven’t had time to build on their vocation yet but your financial situation now, with or without a child, is not going to be the same for the rest of your life, and regardless of age or money relationships don’t always last a life time either. However the decision you make now you will always have to live with. I have a friend who is still regretting having an abortion 20 years down the line...I’ve yet to meet anyone who has regretted having their child, even when they’ve done it alone and it’s sometimes been tough. Everything else aside if you feel you are capable of caring for this baby and can offer it a lifetime of love and support then you are in the best position to be it’s mother. You don’t need to be in a relationship or be wealthy to bring up a child well. However if you feel you aren’t in a place right now where you can give this baby the life it deserves then perhaps it’s best to accept that this isn’t the right time for you. If it’s the physical pain of abortion you’re worried about, the pain of labour is 1000 x worse. It’s the bigger picture you need to look at and make sure the decision you make is right for you, not anyone else. Once you’ve made a plan, whether it’s to have the baby or terminate the pregnancy, give yourself a couple of days before you act on it to let it sink in. Once you have a plan of action hopefully you’ll feel at peace with it. Sometimes its the uncertainty of not knowing what to do which weighs heavier than the actual outcome. I’m really sorry you are going through this and wish you the best of luck whatever you decide. X

[ChrisWest1983 in reply to Hidden]

It always amazes how different we are!

I don't know the abortion pain, but I must say - giving birth was easy for me (natural/vaginal/ no epidural/ no gas&air/ no water birth/ no ring of fire- however second degree tear) Next morning up on the feet - looking at the child and could not believe it was mine as I had zero pain.

I must admit- would rather give birth each time I have a migraine as migraine pain for me is 100x worse- I have feeling like I am dying for those 48-72h where's 26h of labour was worth it!

I agree on so many points with this reply- specially about the choice aspect - it's yours and only yours. Dont let anyone influence you.

You do what feels right for you, as living with regrets is not easy.

I hope you have family&friend network that you can relay on in any case.

Best luck!X

[iloveguac in reply to Hidden]

Thanks for replying! I’m naturally a very maternal person, I have always helped out with my siblings and still do, so I feel like I can take care of my baby and I certainly know that I am capable of loving him/her. I know it’s not going to be easy whatever I decide. I’ve spoken to a colleague of mine who used to do midwifery and he gave me some pointers on what to do whatever decision I make x

[mightykk21tennis]

Hey iloveguac a baby or a child is a blessing if you do believe in blessings ,i believe you will live not to regret keeping your baby because in the process of your pregnancy you will learn to love and bond with your infant.Money shouldn't be the reason you want to abort or regret,we have so many single mothers who raised their kids with no income but still managed to sustain and raised their kids.You don't have to worry about money God gave you a beautiful blessing and believe in me he will be with you in every step you take to raise you child.as for your boyfriend there is nothing else that would make him feel better beside him taking responsibility and being there for you throughout your pregnancy.

[Rainatorii]

Babies are beautiful. You won’t regret it! Even when times are very hard financially your little one will always make it seem so worth it