Waiting and waiting

It's just one wait after another isn't it. I think it drives me to wish my life away like never before. Then when I get to that point I want anything else other than the time to come.

I am talking about the 2ww, then the second 2ww, then the 3rd, then what??? Tonight is the night before scan. The night before the end of the 3rd 2ww. I am so grateful to have got this far. I have never reached this far. I have also decided that I don't like scans. Don't get me wrong, I love them. When they show me what i want to see. I can't get enough of them. I would lie there with a dildo cam all day just to watch a blob within a blob and think I can see a heart beat.

But the night before, the night before and moments before are not my favourite time at all. Suddenly all the doubts, fears and anxiety come bubbling up and smash into my consciousness like a huge slap. Like the feeling that comes from having a bucket of iced water thrown over my head.

For everyone at any stage. Hang on in there.

Scan #3 tomorrow. I will be 7weeks and 7days. Here's hoping it's one of the good days where the feeling is of the sun shining on my face rather than the ice bucket!

Nothing else really, just wanted to share.... xx

[Reb990]

Hey Camillage!

I’m feeling the exact same. Having my first scan on Monday at 7 weeks 3 days and everyday that passes I am feeling more and more nervous 🙈.

It’s like I can’t wait but don’t want it to come at the same time 😩.

All the best for tomorrow, I’m positive everything will be fine x

[Hidden in reply to Reb990]

Thank you xxx

[Lizzielizzielizzie]

Just before a scan has always been my most anxious time. But as my pregnancy has progressed, I have relaxed into it much more and I’ve made it to 37 weeks now- so am much more worried about labour than anything else! I hope you start to feel more confident as the weeks go on too.

[Hidden in reply to Lizzielizzielizzie]

Oh thank you. I have relaxed into the last wait than the one before - the second 2ww is definitely the worst. But the days coming up to the scans are definitely the worst. But it's good to know it gets easier. I just want to get to those parts. I do feel a little icky and more tired than normal. But doubt creeps in doesn't it!!! Aarrggh, shake myself and keep the faith xx

[Hidden]

Everything crossed you have a fabulous scan tomorrow xxx

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you snuggles xx

[lau_har1]

I feel your pain! I remember the 2ww after my round of ivf, then the wait for the 12 week scan and so on. I would get so anxious before every scan and I could not look at the screen until I saw my OH’s face to know it was ok to look. I’m now 28 weeks and can’t believe how quickly it has gone/going. I can honestly say that since I first started feeling movements from about 18 weeks, it has made me feel much happier but that anxious feeling never really leaves I am afraid, or at least not for me.

I think for anyone that has struggled to conceive you feel like you just want to fast forward to the finish line and hope that everything is ok in between.

Good luck for your scan tomorrow, I am sure everything will be fine xx

[Hidden in reply to lau_har1]

Thank you very much. That's exactly it

[Masha111]

Hi Camillage

Sorry you are feeling this way. I understand your frustration and anxiety. I was exactly the same but i kept saying to myself im pregnant i should be happy that i am. Yes we worry but try and think of nice things of how you are going to be a wonderful mum and that you are going to see little bubba tomorrow. Keep positive thoughts in your mind. If your baby could speak to you right now he/she would not want you to be sad or worried.

All the best for tomorrow. It will be ok (God willing). Sending big hugs and i hope it comes round quick for you. X

[Hidden in reply to Masha111]

Thank you Masha xxx

[Anya80]

Just wishing you all the luck and best wishes with tomorrow scan Camillage💝

[Hidden in reply to Anya80]

Thank you xx

[Hidden]

Oh I remember those days. I had four before 12 weeks and then private ones at 16 and 30 as well at 12 and 20 week and all of them I felt so anxious that something would be wrong. We should be able to look forward to them but it’s so hard.

I hope your scan goes well and you can then look forward to the 12 week one xx

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you xx

[E_05]

Totally understand that anxious time before a scan, I still hate them now! Wishing you lots of luck for tomorrow, look forward to hearing positive news xx

[Hidden in reply to E_05]

Thank you xx

[Klndmr]

I've go all my fingers crossed for you. It will be all great. And try to get some sleep tonight 😍😍😍xxxxxx

[Hidden in reply to Klndmr]

Thank you very much xx

[chrissie_81]

Oh Camillage, I really hope you've woken up and feeling that sunshine on your face! 😊☀️ The constant anxieties of being pregnant seem to be insane, and I wonder if coming through the dreaded fertility roller coaster to get this far just exacerbates everything?! The further we get, hopefully the sunshine will make an appearance more frequently than that darned ice bucket!! Thinking of you xx

[Hidden in reply to chrissie_81]

Thank you Chrissie. Even writing it down made me feel better. It's grey outside but the sun is shining somewhere right? Xx 😘

[Hidden]

Hay Camillage

I've never replied to any posts but this resonates. The love to hate of the scan cos once again you have the fear of what's gonna happen the waiting and waiting and wishing the waiting was over. I practically wished the whole of 2018 away.

Good luck and all my fingers and toes are crossed. Xxx

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you very much. A strange calm has come over me this morning. No amount of panic can change what is going to happen. I feel kind of like my body keeps saying "calm down, I've got this, unknown what I am doing and all is fine" whereas my head is a dribbling mess in the corner, rocking back and forth thinking all sorts of negative". Somehow my body is getting slowly through to my brain - at the moment anyway. He he. Thank goodness we have Christmas to keep us occupied for a while. I love Christmas and off to a Christmas silent disco this afternoon. Xx

[Hidden]

I have the same fear with scans, hubby is always so calm & I always worry! I think after what we’ve been through we will worry more.

Really hope your scan goes well & you get reassurance from the scan. It’s a lovely moment seeing your baby on screen 😍

Will be thinking if you. Keep us updated xoxo 😘

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you very much Jess. I am a few weeks behind you so your posts really help me to stay sane too xx

[ALLY81]

Good luck today hun it is just one big waiting game isnt it !!! Xxxx

[Abi12344]

Good luck today!! Xx

[Hidden]

Update - all went well. All that worry for nothing xxx