Boyfriend help ....

Right then I wonder if any one can give me any tips as so far you have all been great with advice.

My boyfriend is so happy that we are having a baby together, but I just feel like is not being supportive at the moment.

When I'm feeling low which is everyday ha ha and emotional he tells me to just stop whinging all the time. I tell him it's such hard work growing a baby in my body, I just wish he knew. I've tried to get us to read about pregnancy together, it starts off well for 5 minutes then he will just change the subject.

When I talk to him and say he needs to have a bit more knowledge of what I'm going through he knows he needs to but he won't do it.

It's upsetting me as I feel like I'm on my own a little bit. I know he wants the baby and is excited but I just need him to understand what I'm actually going through. Does anyone have any tips at all on how we can do this together? Or is this a man thing that most couples go through in pregnancy?

I feel like he doesn't like being told what to do as his a man anyway, but I just feel like tying him to a chair and making him read everything ha ha .

Just need some advice on this one please.

Thanks xxx

[LottyB]

From my experience, my boyfriend and I actually very nearly split up before getting pregnant as he didn't want children. Then it happened, and as much as he was petrified he was also very excited about it. Men are not the same in that the majority of them don't dream of growing up to get married and have babies where we do. It is also a huge responsibility for the man, you won't be earning as much as you were so it falls on him to provide, this can make some guts take a step back. How far along are you? Can he notice your growing bump it feel baby move yet? That might help him feel more involved. Also, ask him if he wants to come to some of the midwife appointments with you, that will educate him too but without you doing what he thinks is nagging or whingeing. My boyfriend has been very happy to let me do everything myself, from decorating to organising furniture, car seats etc, and it is frustrating, at nearly 37 weeks now I have just in the last couple of weeks had to sit him down and talk at him, telling him I need him to help with carrying washing and even bending down to get our tea out of the oven. 😊 just remember you can feel everything, and he hasn't a clue what is happening. Be patient but assertive, don't just tell him when you feel crap, tell him when you feel good too, then he won't think you whinge all the time. I know that's a long reply, but I hope it helps a bit. Its not easy being pregnant or being the daddy to be, you both have challenges to come. X

[Hidden in reply to LottyB]

thats so helpful thank you eve so much.

im 9 weeks so not that far but I'm just having trouble dealing with all the changes going on in my body at the moment.

yeah i think he just thinks its just grows inside me and its easy. lol.

i do try and sit down and talk to him about it and i know it must be so hard for the man to adjust to things to. i think what with my hormones all over the place I'm just yapping on to him lol. which is probably easily done, but i do want to help him too on how his feeling.

I'm sure things just start working out, i think I'm just thinking that his going to be like me doing my research ha ha . I went to my first midwife appointment the other day and have invited him tot he next one so he can hear the babies heart beat which he got very happy about.

I can understand the money part swell because maternity pay is rubbish !!

Thanks ever so much though for your response. i think it just takes time to adjust doesn't it

[LottyB in reply to Hidden]

It is such a huge thing. Don't feel bad about yapping at him, you need an outlet and its also super important that he's aware of how you feel as your hormones and all the changes can very easily get you feeling down, and you need that bit of extra support. I woke up at 3 this morning and I just want to cry, for no reason whatsoever. Haha. Watching the sun come up, baby girl wriggling, red squirrel and deer in the garden, perfect start to the day, yet its now 6 something and I'm still crying. 😊 the joys of being pregnant!

He will work it out, it will just take him a little longer. There are some good books out there for dads to be too. Have a shop around. When he sees the scan he will probably change, and hearing the heartbeat is amazing! X

[saraha14]

in my experience (now at 24 weeks) the baby is as much your as his and he should be having an interest! you are however very early and although you feel what you think are massive changes to your body your partner probably doesnt have a clue and feels like your just going on and on at him. early pregnancy because so much is developing and forming i would often go online and find out what the baby was doing this week and relay information to my partner so he could almost see this as the beginning of something amazing. whether it was developing an unbilical cord or fingernails everything is just amazing! when you get further on and your visibly pregnant and feeling kicking etc things do feel easier as your partner can feel the kicks etc. seeing the baby in the scan also choked my partner up a bit as he realised we had created something so amazing. good luck on your journey. x

[VRT102]

I don't think everyone goes through this: my fiancée was the complete opposite of this, so supportive and couldn't read enough books! So rest assured that men are capable of providing the support you need

I think it may take him a bit of time to get used to it, and as the other ladies have said, taking him with you to all your appointments would be a great start. That first scan is such an eye opener, it's sure to get him more involved in the pregnancy! It didn't even fully dawn on me what was going on in my body until I saw that little heart beating on the monitor... 💜

It is difficult for men, and even a woman who's never been through pregnancy, to understand what it's like and the journey we go through, both physically and emotionally. Just bear with him as he's going through the journey too in his own way, and I'm sure he'll learn to give the support you need. Make sure you communicate (calmly, however hard that may be right now! ) what you need and he'll learn how to be there for you. Men can often feel useless and a spare part because they've no idea what to do or say, so I'd suggest trying to help him understand what it is you need.

Congratulations on the pregnancy, hope it all progresses well x

[xanon]

My other half was worried all the way through and I had to reassure him he'd be okay once she was here! He was scared of hurting her or doing something wrong. I knew hed be okay. My family kept asking how he would cope as he was quite immature however he was fantastic through labour even though I got.on at him all the way through and didn't want to leave us in the hospital. He was waiting outside the next morning to be let in and didon't want to.put her down! I'd try not to worry too much,at 9 weeks it's probably still sinking in! Try and get your quality time in as a couple before you know it the baby will be here, and if your boyfriends anything like.mine it's like having 2 kids that crave attention sometimes!

[Completenewbie]

I highly recommend reading the comments on my post about trying to get the hubby to understand... The ladies on here are amazing!!!!! Xxxx