Thank you so much for all your very comforting responses. So I don't feel so left out now, or left behind, we are all going through similar situations of loneliness. It's very life-changing and sometimes too much to think about. Thank you all for your encouragement.
Great support from all of you. - Positive Wellbein...
Positive Wellbeing During Self-Isolation
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Great support from all of you.
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leftbehind
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Hi leftbehind, I'm glad that's helped a little bit! 🙏
Hello
What a name
I think your name sums up my quest for employment and the treatment I have received from some of my relatives
I know exactly that feeling, leftbehind and Roukaya. I couldn’t have been more left behind if I tried. I hope your both ok 👍 XXX
These days I am feeling very alone abs isolated
I used to have distractions of day trips and going on holiday and now all to a temporary stop
I hope you are ok
I was diagnosed with epilepsy in 2009 and by 2016 all my family had moved away and refused to have me with them as they have enough problems of their own without me adding to it and the hurt that I have felt has had a real impact on my condition but I just try to look on the brightside and be grateful I’m still around. Thank you for replying. XXX
It is very sad to come to terms with rejection
But really their rejection of you has nothing to do with you
It is only you that can impact on your well being
I have been hurt and rejected by many but as I am now fifty I rarely let their remarks impact on me
To have your freedom and independence are to be valued
This is true but lonely at times
Very wise words, thank you XXX
Hello
I hope you derive comfort and support from this website
I am trying to resit exams and find a years work experience but my Mother who lives overseas puts her worries on me and this is why I have failed my exam over three years
She put the interests of a man over me and once she discovered he was only after her Assets the friendship came to an end but he is becoming nasty to her by refusing to accept payment for management of a block of flats as she owns one of these
Despite her bad temper and how she rejected me for him , I find myself having to help her with solving her problems
But the pain of her hurtful remarks and her putting him first never leaves me
How are you coping in Lock Down
Hello
I’m sorry to hear this and my mum left my dad when I was 11 for my older brothers friend so it was like being celebrity’s having strangers point and stare because it was a disgusting story and I didn’t see her for years but I’m 42 on Sunday and I’ve been told today by my carer, why do you think everyone hates you. It’s because of you and it would do everyone a favour if you could drop dead and my daughter didn’t defend me but told me to stop shouting when he said it and I burst in to tears. I hate having to rely on people and not having my independence anymore. My carer doesn’t have a car so wouldn’t take me out before lockdown so nothing has changed for me but I honestly think this kind of life just adds to the amount of seizures I have. I feel like an absolute waste of space. How are you coping with lockdown. I hope your coping well and thank you for being so nice XXX
Good Afternoon
I understand what it is like to be rejected
Never easy to maintain independence whilst ill
If you find your carer is verbally abusive it is time you found another one
Your carer is paid to care for a vulnerable adult which you are and verbally abused is abuse of his position
If your daughter did not stand up for you then ask you daughter why ?
I am alone studying and trying to find employment
Not easy
Good afternoon
I totally agree and it’s almost like because he knows I need him and don’t have anyone else he can and my daughter doesn’t want to be stuck with dealing with fits and seizures and she’s much closer to him because his normal to her but I’m just a freak. I tried to talk to her about why she didn’t defend me and she said stop going on about it, I’m not listening and then put her earphones in her ears and that hurt because I’m her mum and yet my feelings don’t matter and if I was saying things like that to him she wouldn’t be happy as he might leave then she’s stuck with me. I just find it unacceptable at 18 years old as some young children are their parents carers not that I would want that I just want to feel loved and not constantly criticised XXX
Good Afternoon
I have read your post with much understanding
I was neglected as a child by own Father but I spent my forties looking after him
My Mother met a male friend and put him first and now as he is nasty she expects me to solve all of her worries
It seems to me you will need to be assertive when dealing with your daughter and the carer
I my view you may need another carer because this one is becoming abusive and if your daughter does not respect you you will need to know how to address her
But I know given my own experience with my own Mother my feelings do not matter
I have been failing for three years but always her problems come first
The situation ad it is will make you ill and you need further assistance from Social Service
It saddens me when I see how many people are being abused in their own home
Good afternoon
I totally agree as I can’t stand anymore and it’s making me worse and so depressed.
You seem so wise and nice and I hope you pass your exams and get a good job XXX
I think you need to take control over the situation
Depression takes place when we see no answer
You will need to contact Social Services and other disability support groups to voice your concerns and issues
I have issues of anxiety and a demanding Mother who I realise will always put herself above me and ignore my viewpoint
Something I have learnt to accept and realise
People can never change but we can
Again very wise words. I have spent years trying to accept the way my family has treated me I’m just needy and so weak and I feel as a result of this people can treat me however they like and I should be grateful they even bother. I do have an occupational therapist and a psychologist so I’m trying to get back some control it just hope I can get there XXX
I struggle to cope with the demands of my elderly Mother
Since my Father Died I have struggled
I am expected to drop ever and solve her worries
When she had her male friend and he made advances to me she was abusivr to me
I have always put her first but now as the man is becoming nasty I am expected to listen and solve her worries
No matter what I do for her it is taken for granted
It is hard to be taken for granted like this
I am fifty with no children , no husband and trying to find work
I find it very hard to support a Mother who put him first
Only when she realised he was using her that she came back
AlWays telling me she is old
But when she insulted me she was seventy then
I remember how she insulted me on the eve of my exam I failed and she took him back
These people be it your daughter or my Mother care about themselves first
We will always follow behind them because they think we are not worth anything
That’s totally understandable that you find it hard to support her especially when it’s expected but something you never receive. You have feelings to and matter and I know exactly what you mean about being taken for granted. It’s something that just adds to that low feeling and makes me feel worse. All I can say is I hope tomorrow is a better day and good luck to you with everything you do XXX
And thank you for today you’ve been so kind to me XXX
I hope you are well
I am finding very hard to cope with my Mothers behaviour
Would you be willing to talk to me ?
I’m ok thank you and yes of course I would be willing to talk to you. You have listened, advised and helped me today and I really appreciate it. I have found my mothers behaviour difficult since I was 11 so I really do understand how you feel.
Do you live in England XXX
I was born and educated in UK
I left Derby and attended University and obtained various Degrees even Law but I did not get the practical training to become a Solicitor
I moved to Derby in 2009 thinking my Father would be pleased to see me but he was involved with one of his tenants
In fact he was being taken advantage of
As the only child I became his carer abs also managed his Property Business
He was eventually sectioned and also had Dementia
Since he has died I have been trying to pass this Diploma in Wills and Probate and I have failed it over three years and I am now fifty
The man my Mother was involved with only befriended her for her Assets
Now the friendship ended but because he did not get what he wanted he is not cashing my Mothers cheques
She is not alone she has friends and relatives to help her
I find it hard to concentrate and I have done my best to help a Mother who treats me as if I am worth nothing
I told her I do not know the answers
She said I am old
I said people of my age die as well
She did not like this
I live in Derby
She lives overseas
I think it would be the worst mistake for me to go over and settle there
It really means nothing to her that I am
unmarried and unemployed
She made this clear when she had him
Family can be so cruel
If we do not make a life for ourselves we will never find peace
You really have already achieved a lot getting degrees. I can understand how frustrating it must be for you with your exams and a head full of a hurtful past.
I’m sorry to hear about your dad, my dad died in September last year and I miss him so much. He was in a care home in Hastings as he had bipolar and I live in Surrey so didn’t get to see him but we spoke every day and I can really feel the difference.
I think your right about moving overseas if things between you and your mum are already difficult. I have found it bizarre how even though we are strangers we both have difficult mums and money in both our families have led to problems like your parents being taken advantage of as this happened to my dad before he got ill.
I am here if ever you want to talk and I hope your ok XXX
I actually live in UK
I live in Derby
My parents had a very abusive marriage so my Mother moved abroad in the late nineties and bought a few properties which she was renting out
Now as she is 72 and she is no longer with this man she expects me to sort out her worries and if I stand up to her the insults come
Zero respect for me
She lives overseas and I live in England and as she put him first I realise that no matter what I do it is just taken for granted
I hope you are ok
Do you live with your daughter ?
My parents had an abusive marriage and my mum had abusive relationships constantly afterwards.
My childhood has affected my condition due to the flashbacks I get with epilepsy and yet I have no full memory’s because of epilepsy and surgery I’ve had. So I can’t imagine what it must be like to remember it all.
That’s typical to hear your mum expects you to clear up her mess is she related to my mum. Sorry I don’t mean to be rude it’s just horrible to hear. Yes my daughter and my carer live with me and I suppose find my condition hard to constantly deal with so I’m very much the nuisance. XXX
I hope that you are able to cope
It seems we have very similar childhood issues which seem to be determining our life and outlook in life
I hope you can keep in contact as it is very interesting to hear how a neglected childhood can make us what we are
Do you have any plans for tomorrow?
Thank you that’s so nice of you and I hope your able to cope to.
I have found it surprising but interesting how similar our childhoods were and the affects this has had on us. Yes it will be nice to keep in contact and it will really help me. It’s almost like an outside life for me. I’m not doing anything tomorrow, I never really do. Do you have plans for tomorrow XXX
Good morning
I hope you are keeping well
I think the weather is very warm and humid
I hope you are able to manage with your day today and it was very interesting talking to you
Try not to get to sad and I also suffer from sadness and anxiety and my Mother only turns to me when she has problems which I am finding draining
I think it is very important you take care of yourself and there is always someone in this site willing to listen
Good afternoon, I’m ok thank you. I seizured this morning so have been back to sleep and it just gives me a headache. It’s almost like a hangover without alcohol so very strange.
How are you feeling today, I hope you’re ok and yes it’s so hot.
What you said about your mum turning to you with problems reminded me of anytime my mum who lives with my sister has any arguments or problems at home she suddenly remembers she has 2 daughters so calls me for days and keeps me on the phone for sometimes a couple of hours and then nothing for weeks and that’s because their friends again and it’s all the constant hurt and flashes of the past that has made epilepsy so much worse to live with. I just wish I wasn’t so needy as it couldn’t be done because I wouldn’t care. I couldn’t imagine treating someone like me the way I have been treated but I remind myself as much as possible how badly my dad was treated so as much as it hurts I’m lucky they all ran away really. This site is brilliant it’s almost like an outside life. I hope you have a good day XXX
Good Afternoon
I hype you are well
I realise the seizures must make you very tired and I wonder if it is not what you have been through in your early years which is making you ill
It is heartbreaking when our nearest and dearest treat us like they do
It is hard and I think I have also been too emotionally on my Mother
I have learnt if I become a bit more independent then it will not hurt me as much
I never knew that an abusive childhood could impact on us as adults
I am pleased we are able to talk
How will you spend your day
I managed to get some study this morning and I have not been out for a few days
I hope you keep well and safe
Good evening, I’m ok thank you I’m use to seizuring so just get on with it it’s just the life it leaves you with isn’t great.
I definitely think my hectic abusive childhood has definitely had a significant impact on my illness and my family knows this and also how I have been treated since but it doesn’t make any difference and I just get told people move away and we all have problems. I’ve even been told the world doesn’t revolve around you and it will do you good to remember that. I was stunned and confused as I couldn’t imagine what it would feel like to have them care let alone revolve their worlds around me. I haven’t done much today. I have an eating disorder but I’ve managed to eat to that’s made me happy. It was just an apple and protein bar but that’s good because other than cereal I can’t stand food but that has been since surgery I had in 2015 where I had a VNS in my chest connected to my brain and my eating got bad due to nerve and muscle damage and even worse when my sister punched me in the device in my chest in 2016. Well I’m going to attempt dinner so fingers crossed I can do it because it makes my medication work better as you aren’t supposed to have it on an empty stomach. I will come back on later and let you know how I got on. I hope your ok and enjoyed your day. It’s good you got studying done and I hope you eat your dinner. XXX
Hello
I hope you are ok
I am just tired
I own a flat and the tenant has just moved in
Now I hear there is a problem with the carpet
I should be studying and looking for employment
But every time I get a problem , this is a set back for me
Hello, I’m sorry to hear this but I know what you mean it’s like there’s always something, you’re never just left to get on with helping you.
I hope your tenant gets on with things and doesn’t keep causing you problems
I haven’t managed all of my dinner so no doubt I will eat cereal in a while but that’s ok.
I know what you mean I’m so tired today especially with the heat and for you to add to that the stress. It really doesn’t help and I find it draining and I end up having bad dreams.
I hope your evening gets better and you are ok XXX
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