From the heart

I wish I could feel normal

Just for one more day

That I could go do normal things

That Gracie and I could play

From the outside I look normal

But from the inside I'm not the same

And to be perfectly honest

I am fed up of playing this game

I feel that I am ninety

The constant shakiness inside

The pain in my hips when walking

And I've lost all sense of pride

I hang around in my pyjamas

It hurts my arms to brush my hair

My mood swings are so extreme

I'm glad when no one is there

Knitting is my new hobby

Something to keep me sane

And although my husband may have lost a wife

A lovely jumper he will gain

I have to start thinking positive

I have to beat the beast within

I need to learn my limitations

And learn not to give in

So to all my friends and family

I really wanted to say

Please hang on in there don't give up

I will be back to normal one day

I thank you for all your patience

For the love and care you've shown

I really appreciate all you have done

Even though I sit here and moan

9 Replies

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  • lynabelle

    'From the heart', indeed and will resonate with all, I'm sure - wonderful! Thank you.xx

  • That is beautiful,I used to feel just the same but are now getting to grips with the illness,even though I have lost most of my lovely long hair that is nothing compared to how I feel most days,it is very difficult when you are in constant pain and never too days alike thank goodness is some ways as the days you feel really ill you do not want to live,but the next few days you might feel totally different good luck and do try to keep smiling best wishes ritter.

  • Lovely heartfelt words. Well done on taking up knitting - I too went back to knitting after many years (watching TV is difficult as my vision fluctuates) I even joined a knitting forum on the internet which has led to me gaining many new friends and even more support, for which I am grateful. Just hang in there things should start to get better soon.

  • thats what i need somthing to take mind of pain .well done to you though. x

  • Thank you, lynabelle, for your poem which captures, in an art form, our condition so well.

    I cant write rhyming poetry, only prose, but your poem sets suffering from pmr down nice and clear.

    I shall put a copy on the wall above my pc.

    Yesterday I felt really awful. Today is different, lighter, and your poem has put the cherry on the cake for me.

    Thanks again. C.

  • Thanks everyone for your kind words, today I have been to the doctors and every bone in my body aches, my head , jaw,legs thighs. Had a blood test ready to see the rhemy on 6th February and will ring doctors on Thursday for results of blood and to see if my sedimentation rate has gone up , I am in bed today , and my 2 dogs have not had their walk and it's just not fair, oh well lets hope tomorrow will be better , and if anyone wants a poem about anything at all let me know it keeps my mind occupied x

  • Hi there, thanx for your poem, great! I`m an artist and hoping to get back to it as soon as I feel a bit better. I had thought of knitting, but my hands are a problem. I`ve been in bed today too, and my two dogs have lain with me, i do love them, and as they are older they don`t mind missing a walk in the snow! This site is a good place to have a guilt free moan!

    A while ago I had a nervous breakdown, another `invisible` condition, and I learnt then to tell myself I have an illness and today I`m doing the best I can under the circumstances. Best wishes.

  • Wild woman,

    Thanks for your kind words , I will have to learn to appreciate the good days

  • Lynabelle,

    Well at least you know your brains still working well - lovely poem and so true for many of us. I felt so like you do now, but now I feel more like my old self. Prednisolone, for all it's side effects does work, but the doses have to be right and the drops have to be ajusted to suit the individual.

    I too am knitting again - it's so good for the hands and helps to combat the clumsyness which can be a side effect. Also it helps me to stay really calm.

    Pats.

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