Not sure if I expect any responses which will 'miraculously' resolve my whingeing about this - maybe just some commiseration will do .... and it doesn't 'help' that the 'other' (much praised for it) grandma looks so MUCH younger than me when she is in fact several years older ...
I am an old-school 'feminist' when it comes to cosmetic surgery and have always thought it (when of course not a 'vital' or medically requisite thing) to be an indulgence predicated on the dubious 'politics' of looking a certain way to impress others - well you get the gist ...
BUT I am feeling rather over the ageing face that peers back at me in the mirror now -bearing the ravages of great 'moon-faced' expansions (GCA doses of Pred) and my up till recently firm chin has also started to sag even as it has become much slimmer with tapering. Also I have very 'fine' skin which has wrinkled easily with earlier weight fluctuations (some quite big) in my 40's. Added to this my always beautiful mother aged very fast when she had (undiagnosed) GCA in the 80's and I seem to be looking more like her by the day with wrinkles quite pronounced in places other women of my age don't seem to have. And yes of course there was the sun exposure - (few warnings then about the necessity of sunscreen in those days of Australian solar 'attack') which is mainly on my face -the rest of my body is pretty unwrinkled and skin quite unblemished. So I recognise some of this at least is environmental 'damage' but still feel peeved. After all 'now' my diet is pretty good - I stopped smoking 25 years ago - and I hardly ever drink these days and yet some women around my age still do all this stuff and yet look younger than me.
So I am wondering - have they had 'secret' cosmetic interventions - and how can they afford these and why am I bothered after all I would NEVER do that - would I !! -$$$$ and my 'politics' cancel that right out and yet I still feel bothered - it is all somehow 'un-fair' isn't it !!!??
But just groaning ....the people who really love me (including my much younger youthful looking partner) couldn't care less - so why should I care ...after all this is all just trivial and ridiculous 'vanity' for a woman of my age !
Rimmy
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Rimmy
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Hi Rimmy, it’s my neck that bothers me too, l’ve always been pretty much line free even before Pred; Genetics & Good Skin Products but l can seriously see me enquiring if there’s anything that can be done when l get back to 7.5mg, my neck is smooth but there’s just so much more of it!
It’s not Vanity, it’s ‘Just Not Fair’ ☺️
I did see some info at the Dermatology Clinic & l asked about it, they said book an appointment when your ‘happy’ at the steroid dose.....
This was an NHS Clinic but they do Private Work as well & the Dermatologists all work in the NHS too.
Dunno, but I have aged hugely. When my face mostly de-mooned a year or so ago after 18m-2yr, my face sagged. I now look much older than normal aging over that time; the shocker is the speed. To my mind the trouble is with permanent procedures is that when the rest of you ages it looks out of keeping. One can hold back the tide with treatments but at some point one has to accept that ageing is normal and give in. When that is I don’t know. Crap isn’t it?
...... and it really, really hurts Rimmy. I know that you are not a trivial person and yet this issue strikes at the heart of us. It compounds the random unfairness of these diseases that destroy our hitherto physical fitness, appearance and the way we move. It doesn’t help that you perceive the other grandma as much more youthful looking ( that might have brought this uncharacteristic attack of low self esteem on). Also empathy for your beautiful mum ruined by GCA. My mum was beautiful too, much more glamorous than me and the poor darling ended up toothless with dementia, a disease that was underway when she was my age now.
My other grandma is reed thin and travels the world alone, to attend academic conferences. Without trying to sound conceited, my grandsons prefer me and are embarrassingly vociferous about it. I am cuddly, loving and available - possibly beautiful inside, in their eyes anyway.
The passport office rejected my previous ( hideous) photograph because it wasn’t digital. So I thought, I’ll just take one with my phone, no prep no make-up, no hair done. Giving me a psychological out, as it were. I just can’t do it. I’ve got swollen eyelids from a sinus infection. Honestly, I looked like a troll. So you are not alone. All our lives we women have been judged by our appearance, by other females too. It is really hard to shake off this external locus of evaluation. Yet when you think of women you love and admire, looks are right at the bottom of the list and their list too I reckon.
Get fit, be happy and fulfilled. The dogs may bark but your caravan keeps rolling.
The other thing I get 'ratty' about SJ - and it is nothing new I know -but it's like if you look 'good' (whatever that is) that you deserve to be praised - like you've 'done' something - and vice-versa - ie. we must have NOT done the 'right stuff' or we'd look 'better' ... well you know - we humans can be SO 'superficial' whereas grandies are often smarter than all that (in my experience too) X
I try to re-frame my praise of grandchildren - e.g. “ You must have enjoyed doing that” you look as if that dress makes you feel lovely”. Anything that returns an achievement to its rightful owner - not what anyone else’s opinion is. It gets great responses.
I got very thin just before early retirement due to intolerable stress, apart from one woman who asked if I had cancer, people really collected me as if I had found the holy grail. I was dying inside and all they saw was desirable skinniness. Mostly other women - we can be our own worst enemies.
Thanks SJ - you rang some 'bells' - I think I was just having a 'wee moment' (LOL) - but I somehow felt 'entitled' to have it and knew This HU lot would put up with me ... !!
The old adage “beauty is in the eye of the beholder” is still as true as it ever was.....but I know most of us are very critical of ourselves! Unusually unjustly.
As you rightly say the Australian sun hasn’t done you any favours, but it is what it is, and hindsight is a fantastic (if useless) thing!
Those who love you, love you for you...for what’s inside, not necessary the wrapping!
And to be perfectly honest (even though I do scrub-up quite well, apparently, according to beloved son!) I would much rather look my natural 70 odd years, lines (mainly laughter) and all, than a Botox-ed, wide-eyed, pout-trouted, unable to smile (& likely to frighten the horses never mind the grandchildren) waxwork.
I agree of course DL - that artificial frozen 'look' is nothing I'd ever aspire to - I just need to learn to 'recognise' and appreciate the new 'older' me ...
I'd love to be around when the Heavy eyebrowed, lip pouting, get famous quick reality TV stars reach our ages... Head transplants might be available then 😂
I've got far fewer wrinkles than many of my friends - I don't know whether that's genetics or the Pred soothing out the lines! I sometimes hate how I look in the mirror, and self-criticise but I remember reading or learning somewhere that you wouldn't allow anyone else to say such things to you like 'look at the fat on that!' so why say them to yourself?
Quite right - hands are 'something else' regarding ageing and in OZ we have remind ourselves to plaster sunscreen on them as well and if you are gardener it never stays on or gets in your eyes and they sting all day (LOL) !!
My plastic surgeon offers fillers for hands. Results are beautiful. I have been a pet groomer for most of my life, so my hands looked antwacky in my 30's due to being in water most of the time washing dogs. Now I am almost 70 and I am thinking of getting the fillers.......Nah! Just joking.
We all do it and know we shouldn’t worry about and compare our looks. And we are our own worst critics.
When it gets me down I try to put a bit of perspective on it;
30 year old me looks in mirror; oh my god. There’s a grey hair. And wrinkles. Actual wrinkles. I am so old and ugly. I will soon die of old age.
Roll on 10 years.
40 year old me looks at photo of 30 year old me; wow. I look so young and beautiful.
40 year old me looks in mirror; oh my god. There are thousands of grey hairs. And wrinkles. Like an elephant. I am so old and ugly. I will soon die of old age.
Roll on 12 years.
52 year old me looks at photo of 40 year old me; wow. I look so young and beautiful.
52 year old me looks in mirror; oh my god. There are wrinkles deeper than the Mariana Trench. I am so old and ugly. I will soon die of old age.
Yes 'metoo'- I think nearly all of us do this - and yet it is a kind of 'eternal surprise' - the changes I mean - because (aches and pains aside) 'we' don't always feel much different than our earlier selves. I'm not saying we aren't always developing, learning etc etc rather that there is an 'essential' sense of ourselves which also has a quality of 'timelessness'. My partner's 85 year old father - even after a recent lung op said: 'But I still FEEL 20 years old inside'. I guess when confronted with the inevitability of those not always desirable exterior physical changes we also are more directly confronted with our own mortality.
Ha! thank you...but I do mean we have to enjoy all our ages and each precious moment...I know it's hard when we're feeling achy and tired, but I think my PMR has helped me to focus on really lovely times and days...and I hope I get past this illness, but still remember that lesson PMR has taught me!
My face & neck gets more fine lines every day. I never ballooned up from Pred so I don't get it.
Regarding looks, I come from a family of handsome men & beautiful women, but missed out on all that. However, I did get a great attitude. I am the good-natured one. My Grandmother gave me a quote from someone that I think is good:
A great quote Diane and of course the most important things about any person are not how they 'look' nor ever should be - BUT we live in a very 'superficial' world in many ways and nobody here would deny (I am pretty sure) the impact of 'appearances' and how we are 'valued' or 'devalued' according to a spectrum of categorisations - many of which are sexist, 'ableist', ageist, racist and about commodification etc. etc. While we may not agree with any of this we still necessarily 'suffer' the consequences of implicit and often immediate 'judgements' from others who may not even reflect on this stuff. Just recently (for example) people - regrettably many are women - have taken to calling me 'dear' !!! - and being quite condescending - so clearly there are many 'assumptions' here. I have all my marbles - in fact I think I am often much better educated and more informed than most of these people and could 'out-think' them in a second. But all that aside - I am realising 'ageism' enmeshed with patriarchal attitudes (often internalised by women themselves) are an unpleasant and really damaging combination. I know a lot is written about 'old age' and 'wisdom' and 'inner beauty' - but these things are still not acknowledged to the extent they should be in the 'real' world.
Your face is your CV. Experienced and knowledgeable. If you smile it shows love. I fuss with make up and hair but don't mind the aging. My granddaughter is fascinated by my ropey hands and has a favorite one. Although I wasn't so keen when she asked why I had a fat bum.
I do hope that’s true. I too have a loose neck that came on quickly! That added to the dark circles (also new) under my eyes and it’s a lovely look.... not! Honestly, I would not be adverse to doing something about it if it’s still there once I get off/lower dose of prednisone!
Really pleased you brought up this sagging subject... I thought it was just me and had no idea pred could cause the sags.. hey ho.. I refuse to care !!
My face "plumped" up on the higher steroid doses. Now I am at 3mg it has deflated a lot. I have jowels and chicken neck. However, I don't seem to have many wrinkles.
I have been slathering on moisturizer (Aldi's own brands as they are brilliant quality for the money) and using under eye cream too. I have never been one for all the skincare/beauty products and only wore minimal makeup pre-pmr.
I have given up comparing myself to others as there's only sorrow in that.
However, here's the fun bit! I have been watching YouTube makeup tutorials. Through that I have learnt some makeup techniques that can disguise some of my less desirable facial areas. I invested in some makeup and played around with contouring etc. More out of the fun of it than anything else. The upshot of that is that I can now "do" my face for times when I am "going out, out" to make a look that's acceptable to me.
And there it is folks "acceptable to me". I don't care what everyone else thinks or looks like as long as I am happy with me. I don't wear makeup every day except a tinted lip balm but sometimes I just like to experiment and its amazing how many comments I get when I've got a bit if slap on lol!
So my advice is accept yourself as you are and remember beauty comes from within xxx
I agree with you about budget skincare-I’ve been using Lidl Q10 night and day creams- does the Bob a job and easy on the wallet!
Your mention of You tube makeup videos gave me the idea of .. what about those facial workouts - have to be gentle but I’m thinking of my slightly looser chin and neck 😂.
Hi Rimmy, i am 83 so aging skin and wrinkles are no stranger, but
even at my age I looked upon my Pred induced moon face as 'not me in the mirror' , and then someone I hadnt seen for a while asked me if I had had Botox, she said I looked ten years younger, then another two people told me how well I looked and when I told them my story they said the moon face suited me. Just remember when you get down about the things you cant change, that there are all these other lovely people on the forum holding you r hand, and feeling empathy with you just because you have the sagging bits, good luck, every day is an adventure.
Yup, they all say it to me——- & I hate it , because when I look in the mirror I simply don’t recognise the face that is there. I will be 78 tomorrow ( 21 between my ears of course!)
All I want is the face I had five months ago............ I don’t know this one!
Dear Rimmy, I'm sooooo happy that I am not the only one who's vanity, sneaks out, every now and again, to play havoc with my mind, my morals and my feminine ethics!
It so sucks. Looking in the mirror the past two years has been a nightmare! First the dark circles and bags under my eye from not sleeping, then several months later the ridiculously large bulbous face and taut skin... then as the face started to go back to a somewhat "normal" shape, I had these bags of skin where I used to have a chin! WTF? Not to mention wrinkles, and weird crepe like texture to my neck, arm and leg skin.... Don't even get me started about the REST of my body!
I hear ya sista and and I hate it all, as much as you do... but in the end, you're 100% right, it really doesn't matter.
“There comes a time when you look into the mirror and you realise that what you see is all that you will ever be. And then you accept it. Or you kill yourself. Or you stop looking in mirrors.” ~ Tennessee Williams
'Mirrors' !!!! You are so BRAVE M. I avoid them like the plague but catch my image as I do my teeth in the morning and usually 'pretend' it is someone else !! Thanks for understanding this momentary indulgence - truly not something I do often - life has so many much more demanding and significant complexities. I was just being more 'honest' than I usually am about such things because in the hierarchy of life I know it is mere 'trivia' but it is difficult to watch your face expand and contract like an outworn 'balloon' and not feel something ! All the philosophies about transcendence and our deep inner selves doesn't always allay these feelings and as you know I am not a into cosmetic surgery for all the obvious political and other reasons so of course I 'accept' all these changes and the reality of 'ageing' generally - I just had a 'MOMENT' triggered by a pic of the other ultra youthful looking 'older than me' Grandma - who is much 'admired' for that ... In our society it still seems what we are most admired for now is still how we 'look' - ESPECIALLY women - not how intelligent or hard-working we are or how we think, what we 'do', and so many other aspects of who we are ... - totally reductionist and this world of (doctored) 'SELFIES' and 'appearances. XX
It’s an absolute bugger and not vain at all. I want my face back—- the one I had 5 months ago! I will be 78 tomorrow and yes of course I care—- like every other woman! Huge hugs. xxxxxxx
Rimmy, I sympathise with your predicament, especially the sun damage. Not fair.
There's so much in these comments I agree with - hairdresser's lighting - UGH, Turkey neck - WHAT THE? The start of crepe skin etc. And yes, we should be grateful for people who love us as we are etc. BUT that doesn't stop the 'inner voice' having its say.
I certainly don't think there's anything to be ashamed of in NOT being 100% happy with how one is ageing 100% of the time.
I confess to being a bit on the vain side (which I get from my mother, who insisted on her shampoo and set every week until she died aged 92!) I also confess to watching the odd YouTube tutorial on 'makeup for the mature woman' (!) - I've never been a wearer of makeup, but I am learning fast.
Like you, I don't really 'approve' of cosmetic surgery although it's funny how I sometimes now think a little lift and tuck around my chin and ears would give me a huge psychological boost! I could probably never do it though as my husband would have a fit.
I've been quite lucky so far in that the Pred 'filling out' has only been on my face, which is keeping the wrinkles at bay. But I'm steeling myself for what happens once I'm off the Pred, especially as I'm likely to be in my sixties by then. My sister is ten years old than me and I've followed all the signs of her ageing thinking 'that's not going to happen to me!' - Ha ha!
As someone has said before, getting old sucks, but it beats the alternative
All the best and I hope you're not sad about this for too much of the time.
Hello Rimmy, this really struck a chord! Some years ago when suffering depression I aged facially. I treated myself to a course of CACI treatments. It's called the non surgical face lift where a micro electrical current is passed through the skin. I was hugely impressed with the results and friends could see the difference. Worth googling. Do what feels right for you and a new haircut can take years off
I also had a course some years ago. Each treatment lasted me a week , so I had to keep going, but it works. It is quite expensive though and hopeless for moon face.
I hate to admit it but I also am disappointed in how my neck looks since I've lost my moon face. I'm hoping my skin will shrink with time. Ever the optimist 😁
I have just been reading all these posts on sagging skin and chins because I’m feeling so bad about the way I look now compared to my little 5’2 body at my daughter’s wedding a year ago. Also I have a serious mental health illness and weight gain is a massive trigger for me because as someone mentioned in an earlier post I feel that if I’m not slim and feel attractive and trendy for my age I’m nothing!!!😩 I absolutely know in my head that’s not true but my heart feels differently. I hate having another illness to deal with but I just keep thinking “ at least I’m here to enjoy my 4 grandsons “. We all must stay positive...thank heavens for the help on this site!!!!
Yes do try to stay 'positive' - you are certainly not 'alone' here with this and many other issues - and we all have ups and downs. Things DO improve but we have low points - even the most resilient people. Since I wrote this post a few weeks ago I feel much better if irritated I had a relapse of GCA and have had to take more Pred. In the end we will survive it all however and even if it is not superficially visible we will be stronger and more determined in many ways. So do take care of yourself and don't be too hard on yourself when the going gets tough !!
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