Really need sorting out!

Which is worst for PMR, I drink and get drunk about 3x a week. I smoke roll ups about 8 to 12 per day. Same as b4 pmr. Hate my job, which is my exercise, (care worker in care home) but employers very understanding about pmr, which is probably rare!!! Got lots of human poo on trousers and skin yesterday, got home sweating and creamed crackered, forced myself into shower but really wanted to sleep. Someone, please put a size 9 or above up my posterior.

11 Replies

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  • Hi Stroppymoo, you know yourself that these choices stem from an unhappy place and will be making you feel worse than you need to feel. You could use this " waiting to be well" period to let go of these things and to start properly cherishing yourself, with rest, a good diet and little treats. Then when you are better you have a whole new you to look forward to. I really admire the vital and hard hard job you do. Perhaps though, you should be looking for something easier. Sending you love and strength for a good recovery all round. X

  • Hi stroppy mo. You've taken the first step by admitting that you really do 'need sorting out., it's hard enough having to cope with this truly awful illness. Let alone holding down a demanding job. It is such an insidious illness because you can't help yourself 'get better' or take a course of pills and it is going to go away. No such luck I'm afraid eh? Like Sheffield Jane says, be kind to yourself, take some proper rest and try to curb the alcohol and nicotine, your body will thank you for it, but it is a hard ask to give up something that makes you feel better. I need to take some of my own advice here, after a bad hospital visit yesterday I bought a cream cake to reward myself with. How daft is that, I'm diabetic and hugely overweight, but still I felt justified. Crazy !! I'm sure you will get loads of support from this friendly forum. Good luck and be kind to yourself. AM.

  • Hi. I spent time with my mother every evening in a nursing home for 20yrs. I observed the carers and had huge admiration for their ability to do such demanding work especially as most of the clients were incapable of expressing gratitude due to dementia. Do not devalue yourself. You are hugely important and valued by the families for the love and commitment you give during very stressful work

    I believe my own PMR was triggered by stress and urge you to attempt some ME time. Some switching off and relaxation essential, you are obviously aware that drink and cigs not best way and perhaps you could get help to reduce and find some gentle exercise class or new interest,swimming yoga art? Not easy I know to change employment but if you really feel caring is wrong for you then time to seek alternative.

    Well done for taking first steps. PMR is a new journey, problems often non visible so do keep your understanding employers informed on how you feel.

    Good luck

  • You sound like a large proportion of the NHS staff I know! Down to the all-over aroma of human excrement. One paramedic regularly knees in UTI wee - if it is there, her knees find it! But the difference is they all love the job if not the state of the NHS.

    I'm assuming you have no choice - is there any chance of finding someone to use as a sounding board (not necessarily counselling) to find the better points of the job to hold on to? I can't imagine the hell of having to get up every day to go to a job you hate except on pay-day.

  • Agree with all the sentiments of the other replies. Brave to admit problems and first step to sorting them out. Tackle one thing at a time. You are valued not for what you do but simply for who you are. As the others have said think about alternative ways you can relax that will help you and build you up. Think about your job and is this right for you at the moment. Is there anything else that you can do? Have you got good support- family or friends that you can talk things over with? All of this is a journey - we can't sort it all out but we can take little steps along the way. Let us know how you get on. Jackie x

  • Well as soon as I get my nvq in Health and Social Care, I'm looking for a new job. Then I'll have something to fall back on if it doesn't work out. BUT who wants to take on someone who has panic attacks at interviews AND has PMR. Sorry for sounding so negative. I only work 15 hours a week. Was 22.5 but had hours cut.

  • Hi Stroppymoo

    Some excellent responses here and not much more i can add except perhaps one small idea. I have always found when everything feels beyond your control that finding ONE thing (it can be 'new' or 'old') that you feel you can control or change or modify or create - can initiate a feeling of possible change(s).

    All good wishes (never 'kicks') - you are obviously very resilient and remember things can and will improve !!

    XX

  • You are doing your best in a difficult situation,and being able to say how you feel is a great step forward.15 hours a week is a lot when you have pmr and its not a easy job you do.Try to find time for yourself,when i feel that i cant take anymore i go to my special place where i can rant, rave and cry olso shout till my hearts content.Mabey you could try something that would help you.Be kind to yourself,virtual hugs.x

  • Hi,

    I agree with everything above, particularly the recognition that unhappy you (not PMR bit)= doing things that hurt you because they give you a lift for a while. Putting on a practical fixer hat to make a start with a non quick fixy overwhelming situation here's a small offering.

    Taking nothing else into consideration because I don't know all the facts maybe the ciggies could have some attention as a start. Choose a cigarette in the day and think of something else you will do instead of smoking it. Anything not damaging, so not sugar, binges, booze or anaesthetic. It can be anything. Eg organise something, cut your toenails, a walk, tidy a cupboard, write a letter even if it's not sent, animal contact is good, slowly thread some beads, make a proper meal, study a tree if you are out, go somewhere else to your smoking position, hug a cushion that's 'you'.

    Going outside is good. Keep yourself occupied while your body is flooded with oxygen instead of carbon monoxide and 4000 toxins. Your PMR can have a break too. Then take courage into both hands and do it. See how long you can go. If you crack, try again later. It's hard to start, but gets easier in time. It's a case of retraining you to value other rewards that nurture. If you don't value yourself to start with, start small in tiny bits. There is usually no quick fix and kicking yourself with a size nine doesn't hug the soul, it just reminds you that you only deserve kicks., The tiny bits add up as you keep plugging away. If you can plug away with a job you hate, NVQ, being ill, so you can plug away with this for sure.

    Many years ago this worked for me when I had no job, broken marriage and was sleeping on a friend's floor. Every time I felt suicidal I walked out of the house, took the same route to the same bench and watched the squirrels. Just the act of doing something positive had a profound effect in time.

    I see people in my job numbing themselves in all sorts of ways. I rarely see it all going away because of some epiphany, being told off by a medic, being told they are killing themselves, making big plans to be a new them on Monday.

    Small, even tiny tiny, acts of self love.

    If you can't feel it, keep pretending and going through the motions until you do.

    Most importantly, if you can't face doing it without a ciggie in your mouth , do it anyway!

    I'm going to have my brekky now and think about taking some of my own medicine and decide what I'll do today as my small act.

  • Very well said....I need to take heed....

  • I go swimming then if my friend or I have a lottery win we have a glass of champagne! Really makes life more pleasant.

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