I finally worked it out, I don't know what took me so long. Sometimes I can be so extraordinarily dumb. I have this long list of special people, they are all young, full of talent, so motivating and yet a lot struggle with confidence, belief, self esteem. Many just need someone to believe in them, others simply need ideas. A couple are fighting illness. I try and do all of that, and among them are musicians, artists, sculptors, divers, models and more .... I just counted around 10+ that I speak to almost every week. I am not soft, I encourage, try to guide, I am fair.. however I also expect effort, commitment, and honesty.
The idea that helping people actually is helping yourself is not new, and indeed I made that connection a long time ago. Recently however something different has happened. I was made aware of two situations where one of my young group held their own hand out and passed support down the line, both in very different ways, both having a big positive impact. When I spoke with them, they sounded like me. Not me in a narcissistic way. Suddenly it made complete sense. I have no natural children, and I guess what I am doing and not by design by consequence is preserving little pieces of me. How I will be remembered is not by who I am, but by what I share, what I give and those things done in my spirit. I also know I have invested in my future, as each and everyone of them has pledged to be there for me, when I need them.
That makes me less worried about the slow erosion of 'myself'. I won't loose me if I give lots of bits to other people to hold safe.
This I find increasingly more and more important.
Thanks to Josh, Ellen, Jamie, Jenny, Kyle, Zoe, Tasha, Craig, Leanne, James, Joe, Liam ..... just a few x