hello girls, do any of you feel desperately sad... - My Ovacome
hello girls, do any of you feel desperately sad and lonely after treatment? it will be a year september i had last chemo, so scarred xxx
Hi Kerrybee,
Yes I think this is normal feelings to have, especially with OC I think it is a very lonely cancer to have, but you've come to the right place, you will get lots of support on here and a sense of belonging, sending you my good wishes love x G x 
Hi Kerrybee
i think this is normal for all cancer survivors . You are not alone.
You know all the ladies on this site are here for each other
Ally
Yes sweetheart I did, around about that time for me, there was a radio interview with a lady in the same position after breast cancer. I can`t remember who she was but she sure did explain every detail very well.
Not many may want to admitt this but this is how I felt and this is how the lady described it.
She said although we have been through one almighty ordeal - we do get a lot of attention, the phone never stops ringing, the flowers never stop coming, you find friends who you never thought cared and everyone is asking after you and thinking about you.
THEN whollop, the treatment is over, everyone else sighs with relief that you suvived this far and start to get on with their normal every day life. This is a time when we need them the most, the C subject is avoided and Christmas and birthday cards start to say "hope you are well?" When very clearly your not acvtually feeling that way.
Everyone make the effort to tell you how great you look as if they now believe the drama is all over and you are a c suvivor! I hate that term of expression at what point to do we win the gold medal and become a Cancer suvivor.
The comments about your wig, head scarf or other, the support and love can be too over whelming at times but wonderful too. It makes you realise how very much loved you are. Then you stop feeling the love when the treatment stops. People don`t really stop carring although we are now at a loss of lonliness and isolation, the support has just gone.
Even my daughters have taken it for granted that I can child mind their children while they return to work or in school holidays. I`m not moaning I wouldn`t want it any other way. I am truly thankful I can do this for them and I would be devestated if I couldn`t. But my point is they expect it! Have never once seemed concerned if it is going to be too much for me.
I guess this is where we have to be big girls and very grown up and matter of fact about things.
What we need to remember this is perfectly normal human behaviour and we all go through this. I missed the people, (as in other patients), some friends I had made, the chemo nurses.
Now at 12 weekly hospital appointments the nurses can`t seem to even remember me any more. So, although they do make you feel very special and loved - they also have to move on once our treatment has finished. It makes us feel as though we`ve lost a limb just a bit.
I`m very sure that if treatment was continuous we`d be wishing it could be finished, couldn`t we.
I just think sometimes it would be nice if our friends still called once in a while.
For my family, they act as though it never happened, I understand thats the way they cope.
They may never know if they should mention it or not. Some people may need to forget and some may still need the support. This is why this group is so important, we can chat on here till our hearts content and we can open up its like having a little bit of freedom.
So Kerry, if you feel you ever need to tell someone how you feel, share it with us, you will never be judged or misunderstood.
Lots of love from Tina xxxxxx
What a great response, Tina.
It rather reminds me of the time after somebody you love dies. You fix the funeral, everybody writes you letters and is so supportive then when it's all over they seem to disappear and assume you're OK again. Well, maybe they don't but certainly it seems that they pay you less attention.
I had long hair for 40 or more years and now it's short and I just hate it. All my friends and my o/h tell me that it looks great but still all I see when I look in the mirror (apart from my cab door ears, that is!) is somebody who's had cancer and it's quite hard to get this feeling over to other people. I know they're trying to be nice but it's not nice for me!
Only those who've gone through it really get it, Kerrybee. I don't post on here very much - in fact, being in remission I try not to get too "cancer-minded" as I'm lucky enough to be on a break! - but it does help to know there are others out there who understand and feel the same way.
Hi Kerrybee,
I am now 8wks post chemo and truly understand your feelings as at the moment I am going through exactly the same. As Tina writes - it is true all your friends seem to slowly disappear as they think chemo has ended and you're back to your normal self.Trying to make them understand how tired you get is a waste of time. All I ever get from people is how well i'm looking. Like they expect me to look pale and gaunt !!!! and we must go for a coffee on their day off and that never happens.I am starting to think when my friends see me I remind them
of the C word and I think my illness frightened them all. I just want to add that I never let
friends see me depressed, I always put on a good front for them. Anyway enough of me - I would just like to add that this website and the ladies that have emailed me have really
given me a boost- it has helped so much. So Kerry lets hope we can do the same for you.
Love Angelina
Reading all these posts again I'm given to wonder whether we all shouldn't just look and behave a bit more feeble and p**d off from time to time! "I may look well to you but actually I feel cr**," might be a better strategy?
As I read all the postsbonnthis thread, I know why I keep coming back to this site. You are a wonderful supportive group of women. I try to get on with living as fully as my advancing years will allow 
but I never forget how lucky I am to be here. I know all my friends and family feel I am fine now, but there are still days when the strange thoughts have been through, make me glad I can draw support from you all.
Love Wendy xx
So many of us are praising this site for giving us a lifeline. Do you know who's idea this was and who we should be thanking for giving us such a brilliant platform. I've just tried to find a history of the Ovacome site but there doesn't seem to be any information. It occurred to me you might know being a volunteer. xx Annie
Ovacome, the charity was set up in 1996 by Sarah Dickinson, who had OC but no support. Her husband, Adrian, is on the Board of trustees. If you go on the Ovacome website you can read more. The link with Healthunlocked was trialled with some of us ROCCs and developed in, I think, 2009 or 2010. I can't remember which. I know we got to hear about it on Member's day. It is a really good help though and I am sure the founder, Sarah, would really approve of her legacy.
Dear Wendy, Thanks so much for explaining where to find out more about the Ovacome charity and its foundations. What an extraordinary woman Sarah Dickenson was to have left such a legacy. It wasn't very easy to find the Ovacome site but once I found it and it's sub-directories it made fascinating and humbling reading.
I can only ask that you pass on my heartfelt thanks to the group leading this charity. I know from personal experience how challenging it is to survive and grow if you're a relatively small charity.
My thanks to all those people who make such a huge contribution to support us.
xx Annie
If you google Ovacome and join the charity, it's there for you and has regular, three times yearly, newsletters and lots of fact sheets. They will send you a newsletter by post but they are all online via the website. It saves postage, as they are having a harder time these days in keeping the service going, as are many charities of course.
I had assumed that most women came to Healthunlocked via Ovacome, but maybe that's not the case. I'll maybe put a blog entry on here next week with more info. What do you think? The people who run the charity have mainly had direct personal experience of OC and are really lovely women. If you can, you should join (free) and go along to the member's day next May. They are always fun, informative and entertaining, and very humbling. It's for all women affected by OC and their families.
I chose to work for them, as a ROCC, voluntarily, when I retired, as I had been supported by their newsletters and phone calls when I was diagnosed. This site wasn't around then. I'm so glad they have gone on to develop this.
As you can see, I'm a big fan
Love Wendy xx
Dear Wendy
Thanks for all this information. I'm not sure how I arrived at this site. It is a bit of a blur but I do remember a very nice lady phoning me to talk about Ovarian Cancer. At the time I'd signed up for various services and I recall having a conversation with her but not really understanding where she was from. Looking back I assume I was still in shock from my diagnosis and my way of coping was not to think too much about anything.
I started to use the blogs and questions which has been a great support and source of friendship and these are the only pages I've visited. The link to Ovacome isn't provided from these two pages.
I was moved by a post from Ovacome which mentioned fundraising and it made me think of the cost of running such a website and maintaining the blogs and questions. If the pages go down for any reason it seems the problem is rectified very swiftly even though it may happen out of normal working hours. My daughter is currently a CEO for a small charity in London so I know from her experience how committed staff and he Board of Trustees have to be to survive in the current economic climate.
I'll certainly explore the site more and if I'm not a member I'll join and look out for those newsletters. I'd certainly like to support the members' event next May. As it happens I need to find out more about the organisation as my colleagues at work held a cake stall in aid of Ovacome and we have a small donation to make to the charity.
Thanks for all the good advice. I'm off now to enjoy a bit of sunshine but will take a look round the whole site this evening.
Very best wishes. Annie
Ditto ditto ditto ditto.
Thank God for this site and thank you all above for your honest words. Suddenly I feel a whole lot better.
Hi there Kerrybee ....
Tina has for most of us summed it up just right ......
When finishing the chemo I also felt rather unsure of things and had lost that sense of security that the chemo gave me .
Bit by bit as the weeks tick by I am looking forward more now .
There is one thing to remember you can always count on the girls support on here as they have all been through cancer treatment and know how you must be feeling .
Thinking of you xxx
Love Janet xx
Hi Kerrybee, Tina was very articulate in what she said and summed it all up in a practical way, I;m sure as time goes on we all deal with it in our own special way, some of us need more support than others and the wonderful people on this site are so special in the way they give that, look after yourself and remember you are not alone in this. love Jorja xx
