Support

[Emmalouise071]

Hi, after my mums recent diagnosis she has become severely depressed and doesnt want to see or speak to anyone outside of her immediate family. We all feel she needs to speak to a clinical nurse or counsellor but she refuses. Any advice or guidance?

[Lily-Anne]

She may need some time to come to terms with what has happened in the peace of her own mind. From a counsellors perspective she needs to want help for it to be of value. Time really is key for us all when dealing with trauma

Try not to worry just be there

LA xx

[85live4ev]

Hi there, my mum had depression before being diagnosed with cancer. She worsen after finding out she had cancer. As much as I wanted my mum to get help she was very stubborn & refused it. Unless your mum changes her mind there is little you can do. Being there for her & giving as much support as you can will help. Maybe when treatment starts & your mum's condition improves she might ask for some help. My mum refused all treatment & all help it was a very sad time but that was my mum's wish. I did have her live with me so I could care for her. I hope things start to get better for you & your mum but it will take some time. Take care Cindyxx

[JanePW1965]

Hello Emma Louise. I read your earlier post and I was going to reply now that I've finished cooking dinner! My mum was diagnosed with OC in Dec 2013 - Grade 3c. She hadn't been well all year though so it probably was lurking. She had the debulking, with Carbo/Taxol chemo either side in 2014. She's been on a roller coaster ride since then. I have too (and other members of the family). She was 80 in Oct - a birthday I didn't expect to see. She's been amazing. I live over 200 miles away which I really struggle with. I go down as often as I can. I'm so sorry to hear your mum is feeling low. I email my mum every morning to reply to her evening email. She was just telling me this week that all her friends in the village think there's nothing wrong and assume she's absolutely fine but she told me that she has some very dark moments when she's on her own. I didn't doubt that for one moment. I have shed many tears too. It's a very emotional time. Your mum's diagnosis is very new and it is such a shock. Once you start to understand OC and your mum starts her treatment plan, you will get into a routine. I am heading down to stay with mum for half term. I think even after all this time, mum has been in denial, but she's finally made some enquiries about her local Macmillan nurse and is arranging to get together and I'm so glad about this. She really needs to let off steam to a person outside of the family. It will be difficult for your mum, and you, and immediate family as it's all so new. Even though it's my mum who has OC, I've been chatting to ladies on this site for a few years now and I have found it so reassuring and have also gained so much useful information about all sorts of things, such as possible side effects and things to help with side effects. I hope the site will help you too and I'm sending a big hug to you and your mum. Jane XX

[Caroles1]

I was the same for quite some time and I am still picky about who I choose to be with.I am 2 years out and I would say have only felt different the last 6 months. I was told we all suffer with post traumatic stress disorder after cancer and was offered councelling but didn't take it up as I am quite a private person.

I have good friends and supportive familly and that was enough, but recently I have been meeting up with some ladies on this site and it has been helpful.I think you have to remember this has been a huge shock to her and she probably feels it is a death sentence,which it is so not these days.Just remember not to Google,the stats are out of date and we are all so different.

I would encourage her to do things she likes,walking,knitting,excercise,anything that alleviates her mood and takes her mind off it,but she will feel better when a plan is in place to deal with what is going on.

But,if at all worried,maybe see if there is a support group in your area,or get her to see her g p ,she is not alone

Carole xx

[Lyndy]

I went through a period early on when I was in too much trauma to speak to anyone...couldn't say the words Ovarian Cancer...someone else had to tell my work I wasn't coming in. Be patient...give her some time xx

[Hidden]

It is a very hard thing to speak to a stranger but when you are with her at her apt do take her CNS aside and explain the situation and see if she could use gently persuasion in the form of direction to Macmillan Centre. Your Mum may respond better to suggestion from her team rather than her family

[Andrea63]

Hi

I'm sorry to hear about your Mum's diagnosis. I was diagnosed in December and I agree with the other replies that you need to let her work through it in the way that's right for her.

I had a really bad week recently and I've signed up at a local cancer support centre which I discovered through Macmillan, it's taken me a couple of months from diagnosis to realise that I needed to do that. It might be worth giving Macmillan a call to find out what's available in your area. The services are there to support families too so if you go along they might help you to help your mum. Once you've found out what's available maybe you could persuade your mum to go along with you. I've been offered much more than counselling and they try to cater for a wide range of interests and are open to suggestions of new activities or you can just drop in for a cup of tea.

Andrea

[Sunfleury-UK]

as well as the fabulous advice- don't forget you too can speak with your Mum's CNS- their remit includes supporting those closest. My partner also found the Macmillan nurse-led helpline really helpful in understanding how I was coping... The Target Ovarian Cancer Guide 'What Happens next?' is a really good resourse, with insights from women diagnosed, the medical stuff as well as holistic support and signposting, perhaps this would be of interest? you can order a free copy via their website (or download). Wishing you, your Mum and family hope and strength xxx

[Tesla_7US]

Just give yer mum love and understanding. A counselor who has not had this cruel disease has no comprehension of the shock and despair your dear mother is feeling. It's not helpful when a perfectly healthy "counselor" sits across a table telling an Ovarian Cancer patient to "think positive thoughts". Your mom needs time to get over the shock and time to adjust to the treatment process. She needs the shelter of her family right now. I would also suggest, as a caregiver, you find a support group to help you manage your role, which is hard emotional labor. Hugs to you, Tesla

[Dollysmum]

Hi Emmalouise.

Your mum needs time.

A Cancer diagnosis for many is like a bereavement. This disease is a complicated one and we're all learning every day how best to deal with it.

That said. To give support, you need support and as others have said, call on the CNS to help you all through this.

All the best

Debs xxxx