Age 14 son. Self harming by cutting and 3 hospital stays for overdose. Refuses to attend school most days and when he does go he gets sent home for bad behaviour. Refuses to engage with mental health services however has previously engaged with the following :
Worker 1 (childrens services) - left her job after two weeks to move to another area
Worker 2(Childrens services)- was 7 months pregnant so saw twice before maternity leave
Worker 3 (Childrens Services)- worked well for 4 weeks however put in safety plan after he ran away - this didn’t say anything I wouldn’t do however became angry with this worker and at next meeting refused to talk- email the following day to say they were closing his case as he was refusing to engage
Worker 4 - (Social Worker)- saw once
Worker 5-(Social Worker) - seen 3 times and now talking about step down meeting
Has spent less then 50% of time in school this academic year mostly sent home and suspended for swearing at teacher and refusing to follow instruction, other times has just refused to go to school. Spoken to GP - advised he downloads apps to help his mental health - he did but deleted within a week.
Off school again this week as they don’t think they can keep him safe - they had tried to send him home before the holidays but he had stated if he went home he would harm self.
Beginning to think there is only 2 options left- I allow him to do whatever he wants and do nothing and hope he doesn’t end up dead or in prison and the other option is to change everything completely and permanently
Can’t see a way out of changing the situation and his behaviour is affecting his sibling.
Seems ridiculous that adults can be sectioned and forced treatment yet a 14year old is asked if he will speak to Mental Health and is allowed to say No but continues with risky behaviours
Written by
BlackJackrabbit
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My heart goes out to you! We both know that you don’t want to leave him to his own devices because you’re on this site looking for help. God bless you for sticking with him.
May I suggest approaching him with the idea of meeting with a psychiatrist to gain help through medication? Psychiatrists won’t get into “talk” therapy or probe much past how one is feeling. This might be a soft way back in to getting him to see someone and pave the way to calming his emotions so he can engage more rationally. I agree, and so have psychologists I’ve seen, that therapy is pointless unless the individual is willing to engage. Were it me, I would focus on finding a psychiatrist before trying to tackle anything else (school/therapy/family rel).
I would give that a fair chance but if that didn’t work I would probably look into therapeutic boarding schools to see if that route might be a good fit for him. His age is a very common time to enter that type of program.
I am having very similar problems with my son who is the same age although he isn't self harming - yet. When they will not engage with help what else is there? I wonder if anything has changed? This is affecting my sons siblings too and my mental state and mine and his dad's relationship.
Sorry to hear you are going through similar. Unfortunately I wish I could say things have got better but if I am honest they are worse. He hasn’t been to school for 2 weeks and is now completely refusing to go. If I try and make him I get a barrage of verbal abuse- and how exactly can you force a 14 year old who is now taller and bigger then you!! The only thing with him not going to school is he is not getting into so much trouble and although is still self harming- it’s not as bad as it was. The only thing I have found is as he isn’t getting into trouble at school I have not had any contact from them - seems they are happy for him not to be there, can’t blame them really. Also haven’t had any contact from family support worker whose target is to see at least every 10 days - it will be 3 weeks Tuesday! But your right it effects everyone and you can’t help feeling there is not much you can do. Hope you can get your boy sorted, unfortunately I have no good advice
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