New but not so new!

[ELI55]

Apologies for not introducing myself - I have been reading posts for 3 years! I am the wife of Brian who was diagnosed in February 2014 at the age of 66. I'm not great with technology but somehow stumbled my way to this site. My husband had almost reached the point of saying "what will be will be" after all his pre-op appointments, which emphasized all the potential problems and worse case scenarios, and to perhaps take his chances on having a final summer and bowing out. Thanks to OPA and all you kind and brave people I was able to convince him that there could be a good life after surgery.

The hospital was excellent whilst he was there, but after 2 months he was desperate to come home, and they I think wanted his bed. I found myself poorly prepared to look after someone who was still very weak and had so many issues with food and felt quite abandoned. He still had a wound from his tracheostomy (done to wean him off the large ventilator) and it took nearly 2 hours to get him up, showered and dressed. It helped so much to know that the problems he had were common and I think my "caring" education was conducted via this site!

He is now on 6 monthly checks and life is "normal" - he can eat, drive, fish and we can go on holidays. (If you need insurance we initially used "insure with".com and then their sister company "Holiday Safe" - both excellent).

I am a different person now - I know many carers/partners post here. It's not easy watching someone go through the process, and sometimes I think our needs are forgotten. I do know though that I can cope with anything after getting my husband through it all and that we have become a stronger couple for the experience.

My heartfelt thanks to you all for your part in our recovery.

[toots1951]

Hi. What you have written above is wonderful - like you my husband's name is Brian, mine is Sue. He was diagnosed 3 months before your husband and was 65 at the time - just retired. So 3 years on since the operation and again, like you, reading the posts for 3 years and they have been amazingly helpful.

With all that we have gone through you do change - my worst time was when Brian went onto the pre op chemo. Half way through his second treatment he developed Sepsis and it was touch and go. I often look back and ask myself 'how did I cope' but as you know we do and it makes you stronger.

Life is different now but we try to live it to the full. Just back from Manchester where we went to the Hacienda/Symphonic open air concert. I think we were the oldest there !! We holiday and Brian has a number of new hobbies.

Again so good to read your post.

Sue xxx

[ELI55 in reply to toots1951]

Hi Sue,

Thanks for your reply - I know we are not alone in being fortunate in how things have turned out. We went to a GUTSY support meeting last week (Wrexham area) - and it was so encouraging to meet people who have had surgery over 10 years ago (and some were at an advanced age when they had it).

I'm so glad that you and "your" Brian are enjoying life - the process definitely makes you appreciate things much more.

Best wishes to you both,

Elaine x

[gutlesswonder]

Isn't it funny..... just like you, my wife and I have found the whole business so ghastly and yet so inspiring.

And since nobody ever dared mention it ...............................yes, our sex life is much better than it used to be!

[ELI55 in reply to gutlesswonder]

I don't think I'd better comment on that!!

I think cancer makes or breaks a relationship - we just came out better thank goodness. Don't get me wrong we still have our ups and downs but tend to let the little things go (well i do - he can still moan for Britain at times). The worst time is the week or so before check ups - we do become a bit tense then as we know you can only hope things are the same and there is no guarantee. x

[gutlesswonder in reply to ELI55]

..........."pour encourager les autres" ........as Voltaire put it in his novel 'Candide'.