Hi all I had the osaphagectomy almost 2 years ago now managing ok ish at the moment.because of the severity of the Op I was medically

[Gerard]

Retired from work as a postman I am not coping very well mentally and just wondered if anyone else is going through hard times in the same way as I am?

[SteveJ]

Hi Gerard

If you look back to 2 and 3 days ago you will see I've written quite a bit on going through depression and anxiety. I'm almost 7 years post op and still have bad days. Please don't think you are alone in feeling this way its quite common, when you consider what you have been through it's hardly surprising. I'm sure you will get a few responses to this, have you had a word with your GP ?, I would say that's the first option. there is help out there but it can vary.

Kind Regards

Steve

[Gerard in reply to SteveJ]

Thanks Steve I will take a look I'm sure I will feel better once I've read your comments.

Regards Gerard thank you

[patchworker]

Hi Gerard, I think there are so many physical problems after this op. that we tend not to talk about the mental problems. There is the obvious one, fear of the cancer returning, but also that feeling of being cheated out of the life we had before. Of course we know we were lucky to be able to have the op. but sometimes it's difficult to accept it had to be. Were you in ICU after your op? I was, for four weeks. That really played tricks with my mind.

I wish I could think of something to say to help you, but you're not the only one feeling like that. I vary between misery and elation at being alive.

I'm sending you a hug, Jane

[Gerard in reply to patchworker]

Hi Jane thanks so much for your answer I was in Icu only for 2 days I was lucky finding out about the cancer so early. I know a lot of other people are going through much worse than me it's comforting to know so many people understand I go through ups and downs thank you so much for your letter. Regards Gerard

[hilr]

Hi Gerard, I agree with other posts that this cancer/op/chemo and the after effects, loss of our former lives can be mentally debilitating. I was fortunate in being able to cope with returning to work and that has been my mental salvation, I am already wondering how I will cope with retirement in a couple of years time!!!

I guess, if possible, you need to find something to replace what work gave you, maybe some volunteer work that you could dip into when you feel well enough, that would give you social interaction and a sense of purpose? Or a new hobby. I realise that when you're not feeling at your best you often can't lift yourself to do anything.

Good luck and onward and upward. Hilary

[Spikey]

Gerard,

You are definitely not alone. The provision of post-op psychological support for oesophagectomy patients is generally poor across the country. As suggested by Steve above, your first port of call is probably to go and have a chat with your GP. You could also speak to your specialist nurse, most of whom have some training in this area. Another option is Macmillan - if there is a Macmillan information centre at your local hospital, they should be able to point you in the right direction. At the very least, you should join a support group, if you have not already done so - the OPA will be able to tell you where the nearest one is to you.

Good luck,

G

[Hidden]

Doing a physical job that needs stamina (like being a postman) is very difficult after this surgery so it is probably not surprising that you have had to leave that job.

About 25% of cancer survivors need to talk through their emotional/mental journey with a counsellor or other experienced person to help get their thoughts in order and to come to terms with what has happened to them, and about 10% of cancer survivors needs that sort of help and some pills for a while as well. So it is very normal to feel as you do at the stage you are at after the surgery.

I remember a chap last week saying that he went for a couple of counselling sessions rather reluctantly because he was very sceptical about whether it would do any good, but he ended up being very pleasantly surprised at how much he benefitted. Try the Macmillan helpline (0808 808 00 00) for advice or Dawn at the OPA 0121 704 9860 about where a local centre might be.

One of the things people often find is that when you first start meeting friends who ask how you are, you have to deal with their reactions to the fact that you have had cancer. There are not many who say the right thing; and quite a lot who will say the wrong thing, or tell you stories of other people's treatment that was not successful. So the only answer you end up giving to 'How are you now?' is 'Fine', even though you feel bad. You feel rough when you think you 'ought' to feel so grateful that your cancer treatment has been successful and that therefore you 'should' be happy with life.

It is a form of grief, coming to terms with the loss of your previous good health and strength, and adjusting to a new way of life and a new way of eating without problems. So it is not surprising that the parallel mental pathway that we go along lasts a lot longer than the medical one. It is a bit more of a confusing path to travel along than the medical one, but people do manage it quite OK, often with a little bit of professional help. The counsellors have their role in your complete recovery process just like the surgeons, oncologists GP and nurses; but there is not a stigma going to see the others, is there!

The other people who go through a similar path are the spouse/carer/family, who will be just as worried about you as you are yourself. Opening up a discussion about it is one of the harder things to do in life, but you will probably not improve until you learn to talk about it with somebody you trust. Talking about it needs you to put things into words, and putting things into words means that your mind has to work out which words to use. That tends to make things clearer, especially when a sympathetic listener asks you questions to clarify what you are trying to say.

[Gerard in reply to Hidden]

Thanks Alan for all that info I will call them tomorrow cheers

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I am new to this site and thank goodness I found it, so many of the topics are ones I am going through, this one as well so thank you for your good advice I am grateful for the information

[Hidden]

Hi.I had my op 3 years ago and retired from work (Postman) I didnt cope well mentally and recovering from op.I was prescribed citalapram and started to feel much better.As it happens was glad to retire as all the changes Royal Mail were making and still are !! But the way i look at it I am still here.I still suffer from fatigue but have few digestion issues now.Unfortunately my cancer came back but regular chemo keeping it at bay.

[Gerard in reply to Hidden]

Hi Griff thanks for your reply.. Sorry to hear about the return of your cancer. It's a shame we had to retire but as you said the changes were and still are a joke far too much work especially after this operation thanks for replying it's made me feel better take care now hope everything works out Griff

[Gerard in reply to Hidden]

Hi Griff are you working now.. I am not at the moment and I think that's not helping?

[Hidden in reply to Gerard]

No not working.I worked for a couple of months after surgery but it was too much so they gave me the option of staying on with light duties or ill health retirement so did light duties for a bit and I decided when my pension figures etc came through I woulod pack up.For me I get by financially and emotionly with not being at work but understand where you are coming from.As I say tell your GP and ask If you can have medication .It will help loads so dont be concerned about asking.Have you looked at the Macmillan site? Go onto forums (Gullet cancer) and lots of help there and you can read peoples profiles to see their journeys including mine.Any help or advice you need I am always here.Best wishes. Griff

[Gerard in reply to Hidden]

Hi Griff how are you?

I'm on citilopram I've joined a Gym I am seeing some of the lads from the post once a week feeling much better at the moment thanks a lot.. Take care Regards Gerard

[Hidden in reply to Gerard]

Great to hear your feeling better Gerard its super news.I have scan this week and results 25th March but otherwise feel well. Best wishes Griff

[Gerard in reply to Hidden]

Hi Griff hope scans go well keep in touch take care cheers Gerard

[SteveJ in reply to Hidden]

Hi Griff. I'm glad to hear you are feeling well. Good luck with the scan I hope all goes well for you.

Kind Regards

Steve

[Hidden in reply to SteveJ]

Cheers Steve.Yes everything crossed.Regards Griff

[Danko]

There was a very interesting piece on the after affects of intensive care on the radio yesterday. It was on Inside Health on Radio 4 on 4th March. You can listen to it on iplayer. It struck a chord with me because I do find that my brain has been 'scrambled' by the treatment and it is taking some time to adjust. The thread a few days before your original post has some very helpful comments from others on the site about this issue. It is an area where further research will hopefully enable us to reach a better understanding and empathy with those of us who suffer mental issues post op.

Best wishes

Martin

[patchworker]

Thank you Danko, for telling me about the piece on Inside Health. I've just listened to it on iplayer. I was in ICU for four weeks, eleven days on a ventilator, after my op., and it really was terrifying. Even after four years I still get black days when I wish I hadn't survived. The reality was, the nurses and doctors were very kind, but in my mind everyone was trying to kill me, in the most horrific ways. I'm glad to hear there is research into the sedation of ICU patients.