RA. ..HOW DO You all deal with guilt, anger, and feeling unworthy...when I have a flare up I can't do much and my OH does everything.which

[mohikan22]

Of course nobody likes to watch their loved one over work. I'm not lazy and I hate laziness.i get annoyed and frustrated and guilty when I can't help and we argue because I won't go and rest...urgh. ....

[farm123]

Those words really sum it up - guilt, anger and feeling unworthy. I really hate it and have spent plenty of time in tears over it but at the end of the day there is nothing we can do about it until we can get controlled with the right medication - still waiting!!. Through the winter it was as much as I could do to produce an evening meal for the family and that took all day as had to prepare in stages throughout the day. I am very fortunate to have a very understanding family and have a husband who can tell quickly that I am struggling but really wish I was not in this position. Very interested to hear how others cope. Another unseen aspect of this disease.

[Shadows-walker]

Hi the frustration is one of the worse feeling you want to do the brain tells you you can and your body tells you you can't ,I over did it yesterday I had a lovely day with my daughter but every part of me is in pain today I have UCTD which started out reactive arthrits haven't been on this site much wasn't sure if I qualified but we all seem to suffer with same symptoms ,I end up having small arguments with my daughter when she's home because I try to do and she worries as she sees the pain in my face ,she has sat me down and told me how she feels when she see me suffering ,and I have been told to let her help me as it hurts her to see me suffer more than I have to ,it makes her feel she has done something to help me the rows about who's the parent and it's not her job. she's home from uni at moment friends think she should be out working and not living here rent free but she's been home 2 weeks and she has got ontop of the house work re decorated the bathroom after new tiles were put up in bathroom by landlord ,redecorated hall and landing she plans on starting on kitchen next , she is going to japan in September for a year with uni and has told me she will feel better about going if she knows everything is as good as she can get it for me before she leaves . I am learning exceptence on so many levels ,I have been off work since the end of jan and am proberly going to be let go from my employment life is changing in way I thought would never happen to me I do all of my post using a stylis as the smallest movement hurt s anyway I hope things improve for you and we both learn to let them help us they wouldn't be so kind to us if they didn't love us , I have left my daughter in bed this morning the alarms been truned off and she is going to sleep until she wakes up on her own it's the only thing I can do to give her some rest ,the arguments I expect will still accurre but it's only because we love each other .do what you can when you can but I suppose rest when you need to ,and except the unconditional love . Take care Christina x

[wiseEagle in reply to Shadows-walker]

Before you get let go...before your coworkers completely forget about you...arrange to get with a few of them for fun. If u can handle it. Don't lose those connections. I did. Now there is no one.

[wiseEagle]

At leat you HAVE someone else to take over. My kids ages 10 and 12 carry the bruit of it in my house. It is bad for them to ALWAYS have to do it all.

[lab-lover]

I do not feel any of those emotions... why should I be angry, or feel guilt, and certainly not unworthy, so, I have RA...so what..so I sometimes can't do stuff, why on earth would I feel unworthy, I am as good as anyone else. Yes I have bad times, and hubby, bless him, does whatever, and is more than happy tp do so, no moans, no complaints..when I feel good, then I do everything, so it might take longer..who cares, not me. I am the same person as I always was, yes somerimes I wish I could do somethings, but I dont feel guilty that I cant. Yes RA is a nasty disease. And I do have other things going on as well.....but, there is always someone worse off than me. ? So it is a matter of if I can do it I will, if I cant do it.. does it really matter, is it worth feeling bad about..no, not really

[sylvi]

Those words of yours could be me at the moment. I have a broken ankle as well as all the ra related illnesses. My dh does everything for me as well. I feel guilty as well and i tend not to ask for anything as he does enough as it is. Mind you i get told off when i don't ask and try to do it myself. We can't win can we. We can't really do it ourselves and we don't like to ask hence it causes problems with our other halves. Like you i have a lovely man who loves me no end and i would do anything for him so hence i don't ask for anything or ask him to take me anywhere either. We must learn to let it go and i am trying believe you me,just sometimes i get too stupid and yes i am stupid in trying to do things i shouldn't. I hope you can let it go and think when i get better than i am at the moment i will do more. Hugs from me.xxx

[mohikan22]

Thank you for the MANY in sights.... You don't realise just how much help this has been.i have had RA for 4 years this year and it's getting worse... and I have a hard time dealing with it. I'm a "ill do it myself" guy and really don't like to ask others for help. For me to ask in here let alone join the group is a lot... just reading the above is humbling and eye opening. To know there is some one to talk to. To listen rather than burden my OH with things that she couldn't fully understand...love her as I may only a sufferer has inside knowledge if u will... Thank you.

[magglen]

Step out of yourself and look on yourself as your best and most dearly beloved friend and then treat yourself as you would your dearest, beloved friend. The way we feel can change so it not reliable. Listen to your thinking. Be kind and loving and caring to yourself and listen to what your body is telling you to do, Rest when it says Rest! It is not your fault you are poorly. You wouldn't condemn your loved ones for being poorly. LOVE YOURSELF!