Heartbreaking 4th anniversary

of a loved one coming up for me. this day week, I thought I had it under control but I am so sad today with the thoughts of next Sunday. I don't want to go into the details of the loss as it is not appropriate for here, but my heart is breaking. I am so craving a smoke to get me through this anniversary and I soooo know it will make feel much worse as I near my 12 week milestone to cave in now. Any advice to deal with this would be much appreciated. Thanks.....

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  • Hello Rowens

    It's really hard to offer advice or find the right words to say in delicate personal situations like this because they all affect us differently.

    Even though 4 years have passed and you've probably come to terms with your sad loss anniversaries are still painful to deal with. Try not to focus on next Sunday too much throughout the coming week. Just try to put it to the back of your mind and instead try to remember the happy times you shared with the person concerned. I'm sure that's what he or she would want. Life goes on Rowens and at times like this all we can do is to try and concentrate on the here and now so try to treat this coming week the same as you do any other.

    Don't even think of smoking because you know that at the end of the day it won't change anything or make you feel any better. Don't even bring smoking into the equation.

    I wish I could say something that really would be of help to you. I know you're feeling very vulnerable now for lots of reasons but this will pass and you will get through it.

    Thinking of you. xx

  • Rowen, I think its one of those things where you know that having a cigarette is not going to make life easier. That's the addiction talking because as a smoker that's your default coping mechanism, now your a non smoker you will have to find another technique. I have a year anniversary coming up, but I think I am more at peace about this loss and she was very old. I can relate though, I lost someone dear to me before their time and as a smoker or non smoker, I cried for them and still do (4 and half years later).

    You might always feel cruddy this time of year, I suggest you get some cheese cake and eat crap and do something that makes you feel warm inside, not smoke fags that make you feel yukky. all the best xx

  • I can't offer much advice I'm afraid as when I had to deal with a similar situation very recently I wasn't strong enough and end up lightening up.

    I can't offer advice but I can tell you my experience, that cigarette that I lighten up on that day didn't do any good, didn't make me stop crying, didn't ease the sadness, didn't take the pain away.

    Ultimately, on that day, my pain was so strong that stop smoking wasn't even a priority anymore. I needed something to ease my pain.

    I was very lucky that it didn't work and I just threw it away, had it worked, I would be smoking now.

    Lighting up is something that we smokers cannot do, not even once.

    I hope you get through this phase and I'm sure you will.

    Xxx

  • Thanks Nikki, Linda and mmaya, I got through last night with the help of a bit of a cry and comfort eating, think I was just getting worked up and trying to prepare myself for next week, looks like it worked and feel stronger now. thanks again for the advice, it is much appreciated....

  • Hey rowens,

    I find it dificult to give some advice because i haven't reached your milestone and don't have experience with the combination of non-smoking and such a dreadfull experience. What might help is imagening what would change after smoking a cigarette. Think about it, drink a glass of water ..

    .

    Nothing will change the personal experience you have had and you can already be proud of yourself for drinking some water instead of smoking.

    Cry it out a little, maybe treat yourself to something nice :) You deserve it!

  • Thank you so much Brien for the response, I have had my cry and feel strong now for Sunday but ultimately a super supportive hubby and this forum will get me through not to have that "one smoke"

  • Rowens...Sometimes life seems to torment us and throw the curve balls at such an intensity that we think the only way is to duck and dive.... BUT not true Rowens...you came so far and worked so hard and want this so much that it is attack time .... Allow hubby's protective arm and be thankful but you must have mind over matter and nail this ....

    We are with you...Strongs XX

  • Thanks Hercu for the encouraging words as always

  • You are the best rowens! You don't need it! Trust yourself.

  • Thanks Tom, hope you are doing good.

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