Hi everyone, I'm Emma.
I really need some help. I'm feeling really unusually low at the moment and smoking is just fuel on my fire. It doesn't make me feel better, it makes me feel worse but yet I can't seem to reason why I need to stop. I feel like I'm forcing myself in to something by smoking or quitting, and I just want to go back to feeling healthy and smoke free.
I stopped for almost 4 years then started again in december last year when I had my heart broken. After 8 weeks, I stopped again but recently started again as it was all I could think about. I was smoking anything from 1-5 a day, then I crashed my car and it's become a daily regular habit. I feel chesty, lightheaded and I hate the taste. My teeth are hurting and my breathing is suffering. I have a great singing voice and want to sing more than anything, and that's starting to feel affected. Yet I still can't seem to just get up and put on patches. Every night when I go to bed, I think to myself, "Tomorrow is the day, I'm not gonna smoke." Then I get up and have a cigarette after breakfast, thinking that one more day won't hurt. I find a reason not to, such as work or my car being written off.
I feel embarrassed that I need to go and get patches and help again for the 3rd time, which I know is just ridiculous. I often feel peer pressure too, that other people smoke so I can as well and that my friends won't like me if I quit because I keep trying and failing to quit and I'm not as sociable if I don't smoke. I feel totally spaced out in my mind, too.
I really need help to quit this awful habit!!