Tomorrow simply needs to be my first day as a non-smoker and this quit must be the one that works. I am slowly killing myself physically and mentally day after day.
I have had previous quits but always make excuses and relapse. Usually it is weight gain or taking my moods out on my family but sometimes I have quit without much fuss. I think it comes down to attitude and positive thinking but for some reason I have a real fear this time. I have read plenty of the site and realise fear is part of the process and can be overcome as the hours and days pass.
I really feel as if smoking has taken its toll on me in recent years. I am 37 years old and feel as if my lungs are struggling to cope with my ever increasing consumption. I don't feel fit or healthy yet I have always been an active person in sport and ran a marathon only 18 months ago. My running times are horrendous now compared with what I was once able to achieve and my overall fitness has taken a major dip. I see myself quitting and throwing myself back into my running in a bid to give myself something positive to focus on and hopefully my performance will improve to the point where I see real benefits and increased health and well being. That is my plan as I type this. It will take effort and commitment but I want a better life and realise this is worth working for.
I have become someone who gives up. Someone who talks about what they want without putting in the slightest effort. I don't remember when I became like this but I need to revert back to the old version of myself. I believe smoking has led me down this road. I think smoking has made me lethargic and lazy but I know that quitting while increasing my fitness will see me full of energy for life.
I have a lovely wife and three young kids and I have been trying to quit ever since my first kid was born who is now six. I have had several quits but during this time my consumption has increased from about ten a day to most recently just under 20 a day. Bizarre that. My family deserve better. I hide my smoking from my kids always going outside, rushing in to wash my hands and brush my teeth. I would hate for them to ever see or know that their dad is a smoker. Time is against me as the get older so I must act now.
I will post throughout the day tomorrow. I need to break the first day into segments and tackle each one with positivity until it is time for bed - simple as that. I have always been someone who once having conquered that first day can go on a quit whether that be three weeks on ten weeks. I just need to get on the wagon and stay on.