Lost my quit still

Well still here in day one, I seem to be travelling a wrong road started again thinking just have in mornings their too hard maybe cutting down will work better....as if,....silly mare .... still wanting to quit but after putting myself back to day one before I seem to have lost the confidence I get a couple of days and then think why torture yourself you can't do it....hence I started the cut down rubbish and the reading feast to try and get myself back to the mind I was in, at the minute I've rolled the last and I have 3 left kicking myself for being so stupid and letting myself down, I've joined every page, group, blog going and still can't get Myself to the right place even harder now as I'm a secret smoker so can't even explain to hubby I need to do it again he would be soo peeved with me and rightly so,.

Trying to,look at a their learning smokes but tbh it's when I'm in my black cloud the strength just leaves me, but I need to do this, I need and want to achieve so I'm still battling on and fighting for the right mind. Maybe I just need to stop looking for answers/explanations/magic buttons and sort my arse out and just stop plain and simple.

My friend has just suddenly lost her husband not smoking related but he was young life is too short why am I being such a weak Pratt and making it shorter, I'm soo disappointed in myself I haven't by any means gone back to smoking what I was max 5 a day but still 5 more than I should. Aaaarrrggggh

9 Replies

  • Shelly, for many a person on this forum, have failed attempts behind them, so don't kick your self to hard, could you use nrt , champix, ect to help?

    It's quite true that when deciding to quit the evil weed, you have to be in the right frame of mind, a sort of lght bulb moment.

    As for secret smoking , unless your having a shower after every smoke the the tell tale signs are there........

    Quitting is not easy, but very doable, hope you can get focused and retry your quit.

    Behind you all the way. You can do this, you can, will cross all my fingers and toes, you can get back on the horse and try again

  • Don't give up trying Shelly, Tracey's right, you will not be able to keep your smoking a secret for long - the smell, your fingers etc... will quickly give you away.

    You have NOT failed but simply relapsed - nicotine is a powerful substance. You are doing all the right things - reading will help. x

  • Thank you everyone, and I agree all excuses are lame and as I'm going through each experience I'm realising it more and more, also knowledgable that smoking didn't help in said excuse situation , I know I will get there in the end, I think I am over thinking too much, constantly analysing my feelings, thoughts, ideas Allan Carr helped but then I feel like a failure as I do feel redrawal symptoms (be they self inflicted by thought or real) and I do use nrt and it kind of feels like a half arsed attempt, I think I just need to take what I need from each and every piece of advice and not treat them as gods bible and think I'm failing if my quit isn't exactly like thatplus use nrt fully whereas I don't I try and do without most days ...... As for showering I don't but I do have an outside work coat in the shed I tend to wear but then my hubbies sense of smell is quite simple dreadfull and almost non-exsisitant probably how he's stayed married to a heavy smoker for soo many years lol xx thank you all xx

  • It's difficult to add to this as I've taken champix with my last 3 quits, including this one. However, I did stop completely on three 2 weeks holidays over the past 18 months, which still bowls me over. This time, even with champix I failed completely on the first day of my set date. But I did ease up on myself and within two weeks I had moved into this quit, now nearly 10 weeks in.

    I know that beating yourself up thinking and feeling that Shelly describes. It's the worst. Just makes you feel bad and frustrated, all that negative stuff that builds up and we carry with us. I don't know how to describe overcoming that, something like, for me, taking a breath through my nose, and on breathing out, telling myself I'm alright, no matter what. It seems to be working, but I still get a flashing desire to smoke without having the disgusting taste, the racing pulse, the horrible smell, the hacking morning cough (and waking up in the night hacking cough during the last 2-3 winters).

    I wish you well Shelly. You can get there with this.

  • You'll do it, Shelly. The time has to be right, and you need to be prepared for it to be hard, and believe that YOU are stronger than IT.

    Don't beat yourself up. That's pointless. Acknowledge what a strong addiction this is, and arm yourself with all that reading and all those 'practice runs'!

    We're all here cheering you on xxx

  • I know for sure that if I had kept any cigarettes at all, I wouldn't have got beyond the first morning. I would have kidded myself - as on previous occasions - that I could cut down to, say, one after each meal, which would be fine and would mean I didn't need to give up completely. Trying to cut down simply never ever worked for me. This is my first attempt at actually quitting. Yes, it is damned hard - but it is damned hard for everyone. Seems an impossible hill to climb. Ok, you failed this time but you can start your quit again. First of all, though, you have to decide whether you actually want to quit ... because if you do, you have to chuck away the remainder of your cigarettes - or finish the ones you have - and not buy any more. If you need petrol, just get petrol; if you need to buy a loaf, just get that. If necessary, count the days since your last smoke - I record mine on my calendar - and also note how much cash you've saved each day. I think that to begin with, I was counting it by the hour! The only thing that will give you the determination not to smoke is that you are doing it for you, no-one else. Good luck!

  • Just wondered how you are today?

  • My quit was always strong because I recognised I'm a nicotine addict and I always will be. Educate yourself about this and you will succeed. And remember N.O.P.E

  • Hi chickweed I'm good today ty had a hard day but I survived and I'm not heading towards day 2 yet again but in a more positive manor than before not quite so full of dread xx

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