Well still here in day one, I seem to be travelling a wrong road started again thinking just have in mornings their too hard maybe cutting down will work better....as if,....silly mare .... still wanting to quit but after putting myself back to day one before I seem to have lost the confidence I get a couple of days and then think why torture yourself you can't do it....hence I started the cut down rubbish and the reading feast to try and get myself back to the mind I was in, at the minute I've rolled the last and I have 3 left kicking myself for being so stupid and letting myself down, I've joined every page, group, blog going and still can't get Myself to the right place even harder now as I'm a secret smoker so can't even explain to hubby I need to do it again he would be soo peeved with me and rightly so,.
Trying to,look at a their learning smokes but tbh it's when I'm in my black cloud the strength just leaves me, but I need to do this, I need and want to achieve so I'm still battling on and fighting for the right mind. Maybe I just need to stop looking for answers/explanations/magic buttons and sort my arse out and just stop plain and simple.
My friend has just suddenly lost her husband not smoking related but he was young life is too short why am I being such a weak Pratt and making it shorter, I'm soo disappointed in myself I haven't by any means gone back to smoking what I was max 5 a day but still 5 more than I should. Aaaarrrggggh