day 26 (correct me if im wrong lol)
annnnnd
ive beaten/squished/battled with 200 craves, urges to smoke, and those little monster thoughts that wear you down with their fighting talk. That 'one wont hurt' or 'just buy ten and have one then throw them away'. I won:D:D
(I thoroughly recommend this method of writing how many craves and how strong they were down on a sticky note and attaching it to your mirror while you brush your lovely new pretty smelling locks and eye up your fabulous healthy skin so you can see what you have overcome each day)
im feeling pretty darn fandabydosy today because....
I had a pretty stressful morning and it is only NOW because of a little trigger that I thought about smoking. The main word here being thought. it was quickly shoved out of my head as quickly as it tried to get there. it wasn't a horrible feeling deep down in the pit of my stomach nor was it a longing pining urge to comfort me. it was just a really crap attempt on mr nicotines part to get to me.... oh how I laughed and laughed at how pathetic he is becoming!
I am a serial quitter ( correction..i was) or am known as always being a smoker that's about to quit again or has quit and has drawers full of inhalator cartridges, gum and patches. when I have quit smoking previously there is always an element of excitement about my new venture but I have always been consumed with dread and fear. fear that I wouldn't have my little pesky stinky pal cheering me through the highs of life and soothing my wounds at my rock bottoms! get the violins out!
today I can honestly say ive found peace with my quit. im no longer scared or fearful, or walking on eggshells scared that im going to fail again. ive never felt this before, and it feels blooming marvellous
I know that I will have bad days but I cant possibly fathom smoking my way through them because what I feel right now is too good to lose! i know, i know, i only went through a whole morning without thinking about smoking. Its still early days, but for me to get through a morning full of complete stress and not have a thought to smoke is an absolute break through! for the first time ever i feel like this is all possible!
thankyou to everyone that told me to keep going. to trust that it will get better and more importantly to trust myself, I really believe that it will, because today it has! feeling very emotional about this accomplishment. I feel like im having a bit of ' waheeeeeeyyyyyy finallly' moment.
armour is officially invincible. no way am I throwing this feeling away for a measley little stinky fag
