smoking

Well, as some of you know I have smoked over the last couple of days. It started really, last Saturday night and although I managed to hang on all week, I bought tobacco last night and smoked. And I smoked this morning, in fact I am smoking again, there is no denying it.

My kids have been away and I am dreading them finding out that I am smoking again. I feel angry, frustrated, cross and to be honest very upset with myself, the world and my addiction. I am already thinking of ways that I can smoke with them not finding out but I know that it is useless and they will smell it off me already.

I dont want to be a smoker. I want to be smoke free. I feel like i am always destined to be a smoker and although I am already thinking about stopping again, I already know that this is probably not going to happen in the short term.

My head has already gone back to the 'smoking' zone, it was so easy, after almost 6 weeks of fighting. Its rubbish. Your support has been outstanding over the last 6 weeks and I hope to see you all again soon when I have got my head back together.

v xxx

17 Replies

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  • The only thing I would add to Karri's wise words above is don't stop trying. You CAN quit smoking and stay quit. It is NOT an impossibility. Just please don't give up on giving up! :)

    Good luck Val. I know you'll be back with us, because you've had a taste of the good life and being a smoker just won't work anymore. I look forward to seeing you again when you're ready and, in the meantime, try not to beat yourself up. Spend your efforts planning and preparing, and be kind to yourself. If this was an easy task it would not be called an addiction.

    Take care xxx

  • We'll miss you Val but come back when you're ready.

    I think Karri hit the nail on the head. (great post by the way)

    Hope to see you soon.

    x

  • My advice Val is try not to leave it too long hun... After my dabble on the dark side yesterday I could quite easily of settled back into smoking but the longer between quits the harder it becomes,we end up talking ourselves out of it..." Oh I'll just get Christmas/holiday/my night out in 2 weeks etc out of the way first" we have all done it I definitely have...I hope you get your confidence up and come back real soon to try again xxxx

  • It's so tough Valsy, I know the feeling all too well.

    I'm feeling the strain at the moment but I can't afford to give in much as I'd like to right now. I've done that too many times before so just riding this out till it passes.

    It really is pants and I could fight with my shadow but I'm not giving in.

    Don't beat yourself up, just come back and try again asap. It doesn't matter how many times we fail (well that's what I tell myself) so long as we don't give up on giving up. xx

  • Can't really say anything that hasn't already been said Val, but just wanted to send you a virtual hug.

    I'd second what Donna said- don't leave it too long before you try again. But we're here whenever you decide to give it another go (and, indeed, no need for you to vanish just because you're temporarily smoking again :)).

  • Know the feeling well!

    Hi Valsy,

    I really do know how disappointed you feel, i joined early last year & lasted 49 days. My ex mother in law died (i loved the lady to bits) & i caved at the funeral & it only took that one cig & i was back on it!

    I then decided to give it another go & my dad, whom i'd moved in with 2 yrs prior to keep him company when his long term partner died, became very ill suddenly & died 17 days later :( From then on i've made every excuse under the sun as to why it wasn't a good time to quit.....until now :)

    Last night i smoked my last cig from my packet & decided to give it my best shot, i joined the stop smoking clinic at my local chemist this morning & have patches & an inhalator which i will use when the craving gets a bit much.

    I am doing this for me & my family...I have health issues that i wont bore you with but we all owe it to ourselves to never give up giving up, so i wish you lots of luck.

    Trudy

  • Welcome back Trudy,

    Glad to hear you've taken the plunge, day 1 has got to be the worst one. Euphoria at quitting followed by sadness that you've quit. I spent the whole day feeling like I was stuck in a lift going between different floors of madness!

    You know youself how much easier it gets, hope tonight is ok.:D

    Never doubt that you've made the right choice.

  • Whose Trudy? :) I don't think I'm drunk but I can't see a post from Trudy? :) xx

  • Whoops sorry just saw it from fluff :) maybe I am a bit tipsy after all! Welcome back Trudy :) xxxxxx

  • You can tell it's Saturday night on here. Off to open a bottle of red wine.:D

  • Thanks ladies for welcoming me back.......enjoy your wine hic x

  • You can tell it's Saturday night on here. Off to open a bottle of red wine.:D

    Sue I'm on Voddie and coke I have a stinking cold so I thought the coke might wake me up a bit, well that's my theory and I'm sticking to it ;) xx

  • Thank you all for your kind messages and welcome trudy, good luck with your quit.

    I might just hang around as a supporter whilst I'm trying to sort out my head it will keep my non smoking determination clear in my mind. Xx

  • Hi Val

    Please stay here even if lurking. I think the others said it really, once you really want to quit you will. I have had all sorts of stuff going on here, infact so far one of my worst starts to a year ever but I am hanging in there, simply because I don't want to be a smoker again ever. I am not any different from anyone else here and don't possess superhuman powers, I just know I will never smoke again. You have come so far and I KNOW your forever quit is somewhere, you just have to find it for yourself. Thinking of you and sending lots of positive thoughts. (((hugs)))

  • Hi Val

    I am not any different from anyone else here and don't possess superhuman powers, I just know I will never smoke again. (((hugs)))

    Lindy's post really resonated with me as that's exactly how it feels for me too! Sometimes the time is just right and it will be for you, too, Val- just you wait & see. :) Please stay and when it is time for you to quit again we shall be here to cheer you on.

    Trudy/Fluffs, lovely to meet you and may the road to the Penthouse be a smooth one. :)

  • Hi Val

    Please stay here even if lurking. I think the others said it really, once you really want to quit you will. I have had all sorts of stuff going on here, infact so far one of my worst starts to a year ever but I am hanging in there, simply because I don't want to be a smoker again ever. I am not any different from anyone else here and don't possess superhuman powers, I just know I will never smoke again. You have come so far and I KNOW your forever quit is somewhere, you just have to find it for yourself. Thinking of you and sending lots of positive thoughts. (((hugs)))

    Thanks Lindy, I'm here lurking...(not in some weird stalkerish way though!!) .xxxxx

  • Glad you're still lurking Val :)

    ...And I'm sure you're not a Bunny Boiler. :D

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