Well, as some of you know I have smoked over the last couple of days. It started really, last Saturday night and although I managed to hang on all week, I bought tobacco last night and smoked. And I smoked this morning, in fact I am smoking again, there is no denying it.
My kids have been away and I am dreading them finding out that I am smoking again. I feel angry, frustrated, cross and to be honest very upset with myself, the world and my addiction. I am already thinking of ways that I can smoke with them not finding out but I know that it is useless and they will smell it off me already.
I dont want to be a smoker. I want to be smoke free. I feel like i am always destined to be a smoker and although I am already thinking about stopping again, I already know that this is probably not going to happen in the short term.
My head has already gone back to the 'smoking' zone, it was so easy, after almost 6 weeks of fighting. Its rubbish. Your support has been outstanding over the last 6 weeks and I hope to see you all again soon when I have got my head back together.