Some sort of head calibration is needed to move me forward.....
I need to stop thinking in terms of "giving up", since this vocabulary is about sacrifice, and start thinking in terms of gaining something.
Because I remain steadfastly in "giving up" mode, in my head I am a martyr, making sacrifices, I'm a sufferer, a victim, not a winner....
I am stuck in the belief that I am giving something up with not only NO tangible benefits, but rather with a great deal of misery attached to it :eek:
In my mind I am approaching this quit as if I've made a deal with some nebulous power, and daily I await my reward, I think this would be something approaching a euphoric joie de vivre,
and daily this doesn't happen, the grind of self-denial (which is how I realise I see it) goes on......so I feel like I'm keeping my part of the bargain and being let down by??? Lord knows who or what! It feels unjust so I am daily wondering why bother......this is nothing but a thankless task!
So - it is obvious, I need to re-calibrate my head
How I do this, I have yet to figure out but since insomnia has kicked in today, I shall take advantage of the peace and quiet of the night to TRY FIGURE IT OUT :mad: