My head is so fried
Been doing a lot of reading to prepare myself to try again, the fear i'm feeling this time is unreal although I do want to stop.
Everything says, pick a quit date, so I think right plan for tomorrow, then I think thats too soon, am I really in the right head space.
I so desparately want to get this right but my heads messed up, I want to be ready and give it a proper go this time but the doubts creep in, am I diving in to quick, I dont want to fail again but I think if i dont get back on the wagon, i'm going to sink deeper and give up trying.
I think whats got me most of all is that I have to want to do this. I do want to do this but then the thoughts in my head make me question myself - "are you sure you want to, you've failed so many times'.
I think I need to stop fearing the voice and go for it! I think i'm still waiting for some kind of eureka moment when really I just need to do it and realise its only me can make it happen.
I hate this ****** addiction, not only have I started again, the mental torture of stopping again is back with a vengence!
GIVE MY HEAD PEACE!!!