Need to get it right but don't know where to start???

Sorry I know your probably all sick off me getting on and off this wagon but this forum is where I need to be.

I think I've been going wrong because I feel like I should/must stop smoking but I'm not sure if deep down I really want to as surely if I didn't want to I wouldn't as I'd be in the right mindset.

This time, instead of rushing/diving in (although I do want up again soon, the grogginess has come back again as well as the cough :( ) but I think I need up formulate a better plan of action but to be honest I haven't a clue where to start, I really need to work on my mindset, I have all the books, should I read through them again without rushing to the end of the book waiting for the magic to happen??

I really want to beat this but I'm honestly tired and frustrated with this fight! Any advice or anyone want to share their story of how your journey began??

16 Replies

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  • Mrs M, I was wondering where you'd been!

    How did I start? I was ill one weekend, didn't smoke for nearly two days, had three or four puffs and my chest contracted and I thought, I have to do something; my health was suffering, at the age of 40. I'd had it in the back of my mind for a year or more that I was heading for chest trouble. I'd been feeling it.

    The first two weeks were Hellish; I went CT because I read that the nicotine was gone after three days, I'd done two so why bother now? In hindsight if I'd known it was going to be so hard I might have got some NRT but having read of the experiences of others on here I don't think I will if the time ever comes again. It's like the plasters on scraped knees when we were kids, don't mess about, one yank and it's off, get the hit out of the way.

    I spent two weeks climbing the walls, a reasonably good week followed, then a rough fourth, then.......nothing. The craves went, situational triggers ie Xmas, birthdays, holidays etc all had to be faced down but these were reasonably easy; short crave "bursts" that appeared but wore off quickly. I found once I'd had one, I rarely had it again, eg first family domestic (we have teenagers!), wanted a fag, didn't have one, next family issue, no crave.

    It takes effort, giving in is easy, I came so close at least twice, but dug in and dug in, got so so stubborn.

    Give a quit TIME and it will come good. Not enough time is given to this, too many repeat attempts end on day 3, 6, 8, whatever. It took me 30 days, that's just for me, but what a small price to pay for freedom.

    I haven't smoked, at all, in God knows how long now (and the few puffs on my day two were not "slips" or "blips", they were me smoking, but they were, to date, my last drags); that's the gift, I have to add it all up, and frankly can't be bothered to.

    I used to know to the day. Now it's just something I used to do.

  • I think I've been going wrong because I feel like I should/must stop smoking but I'm not sure if deep down I really want to as surely if I didn't want to I wouldn't as I'd be in the right mindset.

    MrsM.........feeling like you should/must stop might be a hurdle in itself. It was for me. It puts pressure on you. It wasn't until I told myself that I wish I didn't smoke (which was true) that I was able to start my quit from a position of strength (despite my stupid failure after about 5 weeks), because I knew that I could make my wish come true! I was able to get back on the wagon straight away by reminding myself that I wished I didn't smoke. If I'd said to myself that I must stop, then it would have been so much more of a battle.

    I hope that makes sense! Just looking at it from a kinder point of view makes it that you are treating yourself kindly by not smoking..........if you wish you didn't smoke, then you can actually make your wish come true!

    Does that make any sense.....I hope I haven't wittered too much. :eek: :)

    Val

    xxx

  • ok,...my take

    smoked since i was 11 (1981)...proper smoker by 13

    20 a day by 16

    by 30 i was 40 a day,...by 40 i was 40 plus!

    tried,..patches,..tabs,.gum,..champix..(utter disaster)

    longest ever without fags?...3 days...ive got no will power,..and to be honest,..dont want to give up!...allthough,..my health was soo bad i knew i had to!...couldnt exert myself without being breathless!

    now

    no fags,..over a month in!...breathing is fantastic,..hands clean,.house clean,..car clean,..one very pleased daughter

    my help/aid....e fag!

    now,..ive saved £500 allready,..the efag costs a fraction,..(£5 per week),..now my next step is getting off the efag,..which shouldnt be so hard,..so for the less will powered peeps out there,..try the efag

    when i say efag,..i mean the ego-T

  • I think I would of caved in now if it wasnt for cloves... im 3months on sunday n havent had a toke on my ecig for ages now... im one of those people that gives in easy aswell.... good luck xx

  • It's weird isn't it because I was forced to give up didn't want to but had no choice really. Smoked all my life and now in my 50s. I was addicted so bad .... You know always last thing at night first in morning. I'd starve rather than go without my fags. I stopped cold turkey and almost 190 days. Now don't get me wrong....I could smoke now but I choose not too because being a non smoker is much better than smoking. I am clean and free. I'll always be an addict that I'm sure. I scared myself into stopping and it's stuck so I must be doing something right.

    So when/ if you are ready to try again properly - you will know that time you will just know.

  • You need to accept that there is no magic wand. It's not going to be easy. It's going to take a few weeks of discomfort.

    You know you wish you didn't smoke right? But you want someone to just flick a switch, and now all of a sudden you're not bothered about smoking anymore. Well, it's not gonna happen.

    The good news is, you absolutely will get to a day when you don't care about smoking, it's just that, that day doesn't come for a while.

    So, the best mindset is: "right, I'm quitting. It's gonna be rubbish. It's gonna be hard. I'll want to smoke. I'll be miserable. But I absolutely will not smoke, and as time goes by, it will get much MUCH easier".

    If you go in thinking there's some magic answer, you'll fail. Because you'll get frustrated, it won't be easy, and you'll think "why am I doing this to myself". So, the only way is the mindset above.

    Good luck.

  • So when/ if you are ready to try again properly - you will know that time you will just know.

    Sorry re read this and it sounds a bit aloof...meaning you haven't tried (properly) before. Didn't mean that how it came out.

    Good Luck and hope to see you here again soon. It does get easier but we have to go through the early stages of hell first unfortunately. X

  • Pound per day in a "poundstretcher" metal moneybox plus one little present for "me" per month - nothing more than £25.

    The daily pound is to remind me it is for a purpose and that I don't need little nic. The monthly present is my indulgence for not slowly killing myself. Just bought a pair of winter-lined fishing / shooting boots yesterday - magic. Hopefully I can get some other clothes over the next months because I am getting funny looks whilst fishing with only boots on!!!!! :p

  • I made a lame half-hearted attempt to be a social smoker about 15 years ago (I know, duh!!) but this is my first serious attempt. My story is similar to Angry Bear's - Ct quit, climbed the walls and it took me about six weeks to become comfortable.

    I say I quit on a whim, but didn't really. I'd been for my annual check up about a month earlier, kind of a "well-man" thing, blood tests, a personal MOT and the doctor told me I'm at the age now where if something goes wrong it'll be so much harder to recover. I'm no spring chicken any more (now 43) So I knew I had to do it.

    Early days I got through by convincing myself I had to do it, pure and simple. No choice, I wanted to be a non-smoker more than anything else in life, it was singularly the most important thing I had to do. And failure, come what may, was not an option. Pretty rough, huh?

    It's horrible, it takes grit and a huge amount of stamina to keep going, day after day, and my thoughts are mostly the same as everyone else's who's contributed to this thread. It needs time, time is truly the healer and I know it's blooming hard work to not smoke today, tomorrow, then the day after. But I can't think of any other way...?

    It's mind-bogglingly hard to quit CT but the sense of achievement is equally amazing, all I can say really is stay committed and it will come I'm sure !! :)

    All of the posts on this thread have been really good!

  • What a response!!

    Wow, thank you all so much for sharing with me. I think the bottom line is it won't be an easy ride and there's no magic switch only me can do it!!

    I really need to work on my mindset and not worry about the will I wont I, I'm obviously not trying properly.

    Need to put my whole heart and head into this next quit and make it forever!

    Thanks again everyone x

  • MrsMash, you have incredible courage, having the determination to come back and face everyone after the previous slatings shows that, deep down, you have all the tools you need to nail this quitting business once and for all. All it takes is courage and determination together with understanding the addiction, whatever therapy you use is really just a leg up as tablets, e-cigs, patches, gum etc etc can only work if you want them to. Smoking is exactly the same as being in a bad relationship, it rules your life with an iron fist whilst brainwashing you into thinking you are nothing without it, you can't be MrsMash while you are MrsMash the smoker, you can't go anywhere without your fags, if you do you panic and fret until they are within reach again. I know you have done really well in the past but anxiety issues have prevailed, together with stress and anger, have you thought about different types of relaxation therapy. I have a friend who is very highly strung and gets stressed out really easily, she has taken up yoga and meditation, she says it helps her "channel" her anxiety and use it as a positive energy rather than a negative emotion, and she is a lot calmer - each to their own but it's worth a thought.

  • MrsMash

    Sorry to hear your struggling with the should i shouldn't i with regards to stopping that nasty weed.

    I wanted to say i have been where u are and so many times but finally in Oct 2010 something clicked and it worked.

    I changed my mindset. Those who know me know i started a knitting craze back in 2010 as i took up knitting to keep my fingers and mind occupied when i would get an urge to go out saying to myself i could only go when i had done ex amount of rows then the urge goes.

    I also started reading and changed where i would sit, when getting up instead of going straight out for a cig i would get dressed or make a cuppa anything to change the routine and it works it really does.

    I only stopped because I WANTED TO not BECAUSE I THOUGHT others wanted me too and that made a difference.

    Look through my reasons and see if anything there can help you but most of all dont give up, you will get there i know u will.

    All the best in your quit hun :) x

  • Mrs M, your next quit doesn't have to be "forever", a day will do, then another until you lose count.... Keep it short and simple, it's easier to get your head round ;-)

  • Well said Max. We can still think about cigarettes after you've been quit a while, but as you say, it is simply that, just a thought.

    Any time I think about cigarettes now, I'm just glad I don't smoke anymore. It actually makes me feel good if anything.

  • It's weird isn't it because I was forced to give up didn't want to but had no choice really. Smoked all my life and now in my 50s. I was addicted so bad .... You know always last thing at night first in morning. I'd starve rather than go without my fags. I stopped cold turkey and almost 190 days. Now don't get me wrong....I could smoke now but I choose not too because being a non smoker is much better than smoking. I am clean and free. I'll always be an addict that I'm sure. I scared myself into stopping and it's stuck so I must be doing something right.

    So when/ if you are ready to try again properly - you will know that time you will just know.

    Omg woo no WAY do u look like ur in ur 50's!!!! Xx

  • I read the allan Carr book several times and although I found it helpful (I am reading it again at the moment) it didn't give me the push. The book that did it for me was 'how to stop smoking and stay stopped for good' by Gillian's Riley. It talks about staying in the 'now' and taking each craving for what it it is and tackling it head on. You are in control of what you do and have a choice every time you want a cigarette, to smoke or not to smoke. It's not easy, tbh it's b.loody really hard, but to me it's honest and real and kind of the wAy it really is. Keep quitting you will get there!! Xx

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