Question In 6 days I move up a floor.
On the 6th December I move into month 3. Month 3!!! Tomorrow night I end week 7, week ****** 7!!!
I never in a million years thought I would get to minute 7 never mind week 7 and the end of 2 months is just around the corner.
I will let you into a little secret. When I have tried to stop in the past, I really wanted to, with all my heart I wanted to. I would be nearly in tears because I wanted to quit so badly but was so very scared at the same time. I couldnt wait to see the quit nurse, hugged my prescription as though it were a precious baby, got so excited when I got whatever I was going to use *this time*.
Not once did I get past 4 weeks. That was the longest I ever achieved.
When I wanted to begin this quit I felt the same, at first.
I was pleased, as my care team at the hospital had said they would arrange for a quit nurse to visit me after my operation. Once I had had the op I felt different. I thought the staff were bugging me, I couldnt be bothered to stop again. I didnt want that fight again!
They didnt ease up, they phoned me at home, trying to make appointments. In the end I felt worn down and just agreed to an appointment to shut them up. I went, got my script, picked my patches and tabs up and began my quit. Always in the back of my brain thinking it wouldnt last.
I dont understand what happened next because I became more determined than ever before, I found this forum and got *caught up in it* The zealousness with which some people attacked their quit drew me in, the support from others and the experiences shared helped me approach each new challenge.
And then I, the commited smoker, began to give help and share with others what I had been through, how I had approached each day. Then pride in what I was achieving appeared, and of course my one day at a time philosphy got stronger and stronger.
I dont want to smoke now, deep down inside I know I wont ever smoke again, but I know that forever is a long time to commit to, so I still promise myself that I wont smoke for that day.
So what was different this time? I have no idea! If I had to place a bet on myself stopping it would not have been this attempt it would have been one of the many others where I was so determined and wanted it so much. Its a suprise to me that the one time I did it to shut people up has become the one that I have enjoyed the most.
It just goes to show you cant always predict the way things will go.
But this time must surely have been my time!
Non smoker from 19/09/13
using 1.5mg mini lozenges and fishermans friend.
This is a post I wrote two years ago. I read it tonight and cried
I was so determined, so sure that this time I had beaten it. Then I smoked and that was that, the downward spiral, the week long quits , the promising myself that this time would be it.
How do I know that this time is different? Everything I wrote in this post is exactly the same as I am feeling now.
I suppose all I can do is keep at it, keep taking one day at a time and learn from what happened before, that one smoke will not be just one smoke.
I think Im going to stop looking at old posts, I thought they would help to keep me motivated but maybe not.
I feel like such a fake after reading this