I found this tonight :-(

Question In 6 days I move up a floor.

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On the 6th December I move into month 3. Month 3!!! Tomorrow night I end week 7, week ****** 7!!!

I never in a million years thought I would get to minute 7 never mind week 7 and the end of 2 months is just around the corner.

I will let you into a little secret. When I have tried to stop in the past, I really wanted to, with all my heart I wanted to. I would be nearly in tears because I wanted to quit so badly but was so very scared at the same time. I couldnt wait to see the quit nurse, hugged my prescription as though it were a precious baby, got so excited when I got whatever I was going to use *this time*.

Not once did I get past 4 weeks. That was the longest I ever achieved.

When I wanted to begin this quit I felt the same, at first.

I was pleased, as my care team at the hospital had said they would arrange for a quit nurse to visit me after my operation. Once I had had the op I felt different. I thought the staff were bugging me, I couldnt be bothered to stop again. I didnt want that fight again!

They didnt ease up, they phoned me at home, trying to make appointments. In the end I felt worn down and just agreed to an appointment to shut them up. I went, got my script, picked my patches and tabs up and began my quit. Always in the back of my brain thinking it wouldnt last.

I dont understand what happened next because I became more determined than ever before, I found this forum and got *caught up in it* The zealousness with which some people attacked their quit drew me in, the support from others and the experiences shared helped me approach each new challenge.

And then I, the commited smoker, began to give help and share with others what I had been through, how I had approached each day. Then pride in what I was achieving appeared, and of course my one day at a time philosphy got stronger and stronger.

I dont want to smoke now, deep down inside I know I wont ever smoke again, but I know that forever is a long time to commit to, so I still promise myself that I wont smoke for that day.

So what was different this time? I have no idea! If I had to place a bet on myself stopping it would not have been this attempt it would have been one of the many others where I was so determined and wanted it so much. Its a suprise to me that the one time I did it to shut people up has become the one that I have enjoyed the most.

It just goes to show you cant always predict the way things will go.

But this time must surely have been my time!

__________________

Non smoker from 19/09/13

using 1.5mg mini lozenges and fishermans friend.

This is a post I wrote two years ago. I read it tonight and cried :-(

I was so determined, so sure that this time I had beaten it. Then I smoked and that was that, the downward spiral, the week long quits , the promising myself that this time would be it.

How do I know that this time is different? Everything I wrote in this post is exactly the same as I am feeling now.

I suppose all I can do is keep at it, keep taking one day at a time and learn from what happened before, that one smoke will not be just one smoke.

I think Im going to stop looking at old posts, I thought they would help to keep me motivated but maybe not.

I feel like such a fake after reading this :-(

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  • Question In 6 days I move up a floor.

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    Non smoker from 19/09/13

    using 1.5mg mini lozenges and fishermans friend.

    This is a post I wrote two years ago. I read it tonight and cried :-(

    I was so determined, so sure that this time I had beaten it. Then I smoked and that was that, the downward spiral, the week long quits , the promising myself that this time would be it.

    How do I know that this time is different? Everything I wrote in this post is exactly the same as I am feeling now.

    I suppose all I can do is keep at it, keep taking one day at a time and learn from what happened before, that one smoke will not be just one smoke.

    I think Im going to stop looking at old posts, I thought they would help to keep me motivated but maybe not.

    I feel like such a fake after reading this :-(

    Hiya, you're definitely not a fake. You have stopped smoking, something that was a big part of your life so you should be feeling proud of yourself :)

    This is my 5th attempt at stopping & final time (i'm not going through the first few weeks ever again!!) I never thought I would stop smoking, smoking almost defined me, sad as it sounds. The only time I didn't have a fag in my mouth was when I was asleep & I woke up & smoked straight away :eek:

    Now even the thought of smoking makes me feel sick, it's been 9 months for me now & I have more energy, can breath better & my cat is happier :D

    Seriously, don't beat yourself up - what you are doing is probably one of the hardest things you will ever do but honestly it is so worth it.

    Keep going & don't look back on your failed attempts just feel strong in this one & you'll get there.

    Good luck,

    Denise x

  • What an amazing read and it's so inspirational. That was a message written from a past you to a future you. 2 years ago just wasn't your time. The difference between then and now is that then you went to quit nurse to shut people up, now it's completely your own decision. That's the most vital part of any quit, you have to want it from the very beginning. That's why this time you will succeed.

  • Mark is right, I've tried quitting because other people wanted me to, and failed miserably, in their eyes mainly because deep down I didn't want to quit. This time is different for me, as it is for you, because we really want it this time. Don't be upset, take everything you've learned from the previous quits, the good and the bad, and use this as ammunition in your new quit. We are creatures of habit, once you are in the habit of not smoking, this will get a whole lot easier - I promise. Good Luck and kick Nicdemon's but ;)

  • Hey, Don't beat yourself up too much. I joined in 2011 and can look back on my "I"ll never smoke again" posts from then, very, very similar to you. By ey I did ad now I'm back - 50 days in now. It still feels as good now as it did then, it's the smoking hats the bad bit - you know that deep down. Go for it now :-)

  • I think its just a week 3 thing. I had a bad time last time in week 3 too.

    Im not going to dwell on the fact that I failed previously, I learned a lot last time, namely that I cant just have one, that there are a lot of people on here to support me, that I can learn from others experiences and that I can do this, I just have to want to.

    And there we have it, this time I do want to, its different somehow. There was no drama in the lead up to this quit, no planning, no getting myself ready. I just decided that I was going to stop and I did.

    I cant say I haven't wanted to smoke, I have. Ive done the maybe I'll just have the one thing. But I wont. I cant have one, I cant even have a puff. Im an addict and I need to stay away from them completely.

    My lesson is learned

    Not One Puff Ever!!

  • What an amazing read and it's so inspirational. That was a message written from a past you to a future you. 2 years ago just wasn't your time. The difference between then and now is that then you went to quit nurse to shut people up, now it's completely your own decision. That's the most vital part of any quit, you have to want it from the very beginning. That's why this time you will succeed. - Doc is that you? :)

    Best of luck lillie, don't be to hard on yourself. You can do it. Take lessons from the previous experience to make this one an easier quit. SO it was not waste of time.

  • Inspirational!

    I loved that post, but must admit that the no 'happy ever after ending' scared me a bit!but you are back again with a great attitude and conviction. This is what I admire, that after your other attempts you try and try again. I wish I did that before, scared of failure of people saying ' she will never do it' that in 22 years this is only my second attempt, I probably could be stopped years ago. Thanks foe sharing and good luck!

  • First I have to say I love this post. I know you are feeling really down about your quit right now but I can relate so much to this that I just have to love it.

    I remember I tried to quit in February 2012 and had a good 5 week stretch (this is questionable), and I was a total ass about slipping and having one one weekend then talking about it being my quit and battling my way to being smoke free for as long as it takes me, from my high horse. Well after that, nicotine put me in my place and it took me a year and a half to find my way back.

    So your back to your quit, nobody will ever get down on you about it. Every quit unfolds differently, and you will figure out YOUR way to beat this addiction.

    Honestly, I didn't have enough respect or understanding on how strong nicotine had a hold on me, and I came to the same realization that you did. I am addicted to nicotine, and I can not just have one. I am nearing 4 months quit now and it probably has been the longest I've gone without a cigarette in about 15 years.

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