DAY 18 Relapse

Hey all, So as the story goes one fag turned into...a few more.

Ive found this last week really tough going. I think the anxiety of my first week at University with the anxiety of quiting smoking got the best of me and made me rather depressed if im honest.

I know theres never a good time, but my priority at the moment is University and the depressed feeling was beginning to effect me there. I will be back, I always am but like i said i want to put this aside for now and concentrate on settling into my degree.

I wish the other quitters here good luck and i will see you soon hopefully posting way ahead of me :D xxx

25 Replies

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  • Awwww, what a massive shame, you were doing so well this time too, hopefully you will have a eureka moment soon and be back fighting again. Wishing you all the very best for Uni and the future.

  • You were doing brilliantly well Nikki. I know you had bad days and you got through them. Is there no way at all you could get back on the wagon? The words in your signature are very inspiring. Please take a bit of time and at least think about it. If you still think that it's not the right time we will be here for you when you come back but promise me that you'll at least think about it for a few hours before deciding to give up the quit.

    Keep the chin up and all the best at uni. See you very soon I hope.

  • I will be back. I have learned so much on this quit! and broken alot of the myths in my mind about smoking. Its purely because im prone to depressive episodes so i have times in my life where i lose control and atm i just cant afford to do that! Im doing to doctors monday though for help, i think i need to get this sorted first before i can be successful at removing addictive chemicals from my body! which is what it is aint it!

    Ill be back before christmas, defo. wish you guys all the luck in the world :D xxxx

  • Nikki

    This is really disappointing :rolleyes: I think if you just started Uni,then your timing to quit was pretty poor...having said that,one of your quits earlier this year you abandoned because you were going abroad on hols and couldn't imagine not smoking :confused:

    Too easy-to have an excuse.:(

    No excuse is good enough-to keep poisoning yourself.

    I really begin to doubt your ability to do this,don't be a serial quitter eh-it undermines this site somewhat and it undermines the sort of determination people need to win.Quit for good-not for a week or two.

    Although harshly put, I think Max definitely has a point. All smokers have an excuse as to why they can't quit, some even say they want to when they don't. At the end of the day the human resolve is a wonderful thing and when you really decide you want to stop, you will. Remember that you're not giving up anything but stopping something that has made you give up lots of other things ;

    1. Fresh Breath

    2. Cleaning cells in your lungs, these will only return once you stop for good.

    3. Undulled sense of taste and smell

    4. Money

    5. The freedom to go anywhere and do anything without having to worry where you can sneak off for a quick fag.

    These are just a few examples, you are still young so the damage done may not have manifested itself yet, such as lung and heart disease, reduced circulation due to blocked arteries, capillary damage due to poor circulation.

    We all think these things won't happen to us, but if you are intelligent enough to go to uni, you are intelligent enough to know what these things do to our bodies. Really think about what you want from your life, if smoking isn't part of it then you will stop, just look at what other people on this forum have been through, a lot more stressful than holiday's and uni, and they've all stayed off the wicked weed. At the end of the day you have to really want it otherwise it just ain't gonna happen.

    Good luck on whatever you decide.

  • Nikki

    This is really disappointing :rolleyes: I think if you just started Uni,then your timing to quit was pretty poor...having said that,one of your quits earlier this year you abandoned because you were going abroad on hols and couldn't imagine not smoking :confused:

    Too easy-to have an excuse.:(

    No excuse is good enough-to keep poisoning yourself.

    I really begin to doubt your ability to do this,don't be a serial quitter eh-it undermines this site somewhat and it undermines the sort of determination people need to win.Quit for good-not for a week or two.

    Your timing is pretty poor in one sentence and then always having an excuse in another is some what of a contradiction?

    The statistics say is takes the avarage smoker about 7-10 attempts to quit, This is my 3rd serious attempt? (over 2 weeks) so I really dont see what your problem is to be honest, If you dont want to support me max then dont, simple.

    Just because you give out alot of support on this site does not give you the right to think you have some sort of moral high ground on this subject, and whether you think I WILL or DOUBT I CAN has sod all to do with whether i actually can or cant! the Arrogance of that i found disgusting...sorry its the truth.

  • Nikki

    This is really disappointing :rolleyes: I think if you just started Uni,then your timing to quit was pretty poor...having said that,one of your quits earlier this year you abandoned because you were going abroad on hols and couldn't imagine not smoking :confused:

    Too easy-to have an excuse.:(

    No excuse is good enough-to keep poisoning yourself.

    I really begin to doubt your ability to do this,don't be a serial quitter eh-it undermines this site somewhat and it undermines the sort of determination people need to win.Quit for good-not for a week or two.

    I have to agree with Nikki, Max, that those comments do seem quite harsh.

    While it is easy to make excuses as a smoker, Nikki has come here to be honest and not to be treated like someone lower than you.

    It is hard on a site like this because people attempting to stop need the positive motivation of others and seeing quit attempts fail can be disheartening, but that shouldn't mean that Nikki can't be honest with us.

    Nikki, I sincerely hope that we see you back on here soon. I think going to your GP is a great idea, as getting rid of a crutch like smoking can be made much easier if you are confident and in a happy place.

    Please don't give in, you CAN be happy as a non-smoker and Max is right when he says that there will always be reasons and excuses to not follow through.

    Good luck with uni and make sure you get your butt back on here for a lifelong quit! :) xxx

  • Thank you sarah lou, I actually logged back in today because i am brushing myself off and getting back on with my quit, thats why i was rather annoyed to be met with that comment from Max to be honest.

    Ive been doing alot of research and actually smoking and nicotine can give people depression because of the nature of what it does in our brains, so i have to get off this stuff i really do and unfortunately im gonna have to get sick before i get better. so tears and tantrums for me now for awhile and Allen Carr of course (both varieties) lol

    Ill be in Day 1, thanks for understanding xx

  • Ive been doing alot of research and actually smoking and nicotine can give people depression because of the nature of what it does in our brains

    There are lots of horrible withdrawals that happen through quitting smoking, I reckon if we were aware of them before we put one to our mouths we would never do it, but we all know, once you are hooked, you are hooked!! If only they would educate us properly about what to expect when we quit rather than just giving us the benefits, it would prepare us better.

    On a different subject, I am not convinced that taking nicotine by a different method makes quitting easier, I personally (from watching my partner) think it makes quitting harder, so I don't know what you reckon nikki, but I would try and quit without using any aid... I still cannot wrap my head around the concept that quitting smoking but still taking nicotine helps?? It just makes the battle harder.. my partner is on day 17 and he is still craving like mad and using his spray.. I'm on day 20 cold turkey and hardly have any cravings at all and can handle things much better. I wish he would throw the spray away and push through the cravings and be done with it.

    Don't be too gutted about chuffin away nikki, hopefully it will make you stronger not to be defeated again! ;)

  • Lol Max, I knew 100% you would come back and say that i should have placed money on it! unfortunately sorry no, that didnt get me back into my quit, i only come on this site if i am quiting so i had quit before I even logged on this morning! Reverse psychology does'nt work on me ;) I didnt think you were being nasty I just felt as though you were getting abit too carried away, I will take that as an apology though for causing any offence :)

    Nicky, I agree 100% on everything you have said. In my first week which was cold turkey I had bad moments but i felt that relaxed euphoria of just being content slipping through the cracks and they were slipping through more and more. My second week i started to use the spray and gradually i was using it more and more and i was just constantly craving!! Apparently the NRT works by giving you much smaller hits of nicotine compared to a fag....Sounds like madness as this surely would be like dripping water into the mouth of someone dehydrated? while your body is screaming 'POUR IT IN ALREADY!'

    I think cold turkey is alot more intense and fizzles out, where as NRT is mild but very drawn out! when you still have to CT in the end anyways, i think thats why i ended up smoking, because it just felt the same as being a smoker!

    All this mind i am indeed going back to cold turkey with just mints, rescue remedy and punching the wall as my aids. I want to be Nicotine free as i hate being dependent on things. Woke up this morning with horrible cravings i feel like a junkie! xxx

  • Thank you sarah lou, I actually logged back in today because i am brushing myself off and getting back on with my quit, thats why i was rather annoyed to be met with that comment from Max to be honest.

    Ive been doing alot of research and actually smoking and nicotine can give people depression because of the nature of what it does in our brains, so i have to get off this stuff i really do and unfortunately im gonna have to get sick before i get better. so tears and tantrums for me now for awhile and Allen Carr of course (both varieties) lol

    Ill be in Day 1, thanks for understanding xx

    That's the spirit hun. And it's much easier to tackle something when you have a better understanding of it. Pushing through the beginning really is the hardest part and it is so rewarding when you get to a better place. Yes, there can be depression and doubt, but why wouldn't there be? We're trying to get rid of something that we believed to be an aid in our lives.

    But get past those first few months and you will never have to tackle them again! :)

    I would still suggest seeing your GP. He/she will be able to help and give you the aids you need to get rid of those stinky fags once and for all.

    And Max is only trying to help, you know that right? Some people prefer a softer approach (and I am definately a softie! ;)), but telling it how it is can sometimes snap you back to reality and give you your fight back.

    Good luck :) xxx

  • Main thing to take note of here Nikki,I think,is that people here DO CARE whether you quit or fail-it matters,if quitting is not happening.It matters,to us.

    Personally I would lock you in a room for a month with bread and water until you get rid of the addiction but hey,that is just me :D:D:D

    You certainly don't go easy on us Max ;) Though it worked for me! And, like you say, the reason you push is because it MATTERS if it looks as though someone is slipping off the wagon! :)

  • Lol yeah theres no hard feelings were all here for same reason! And.if i could stay in my room.for a month i would! Lol oh wrll:D up.on upwards ay! Thanks everyone

  • When I first quit this forum had a few on here who gave out tough support rather than constant soft stuff; I had a wobble in week four, got told to sort myself out, which worked for me. There isn't enough steel at times, the guys I learned from don't seem to be around much now....one in particular used to get shouted down and gave up I think in the end....the word "blip" wasn't stood for much, I know that...

  • Main thing to take note of here Nikki,I think,is that people here DO CARE whether you quit or fail-it matters,if quitting is not happening.It matters,to us.

    Personally I would lock you in a room for a month with bread and water until you get rid of the addiction but hey,that is just me :D:D:D

    +1 on that.

    And I suppose when you see somebody throwing awash a quit repeatedly for small reason it does not make sense... When we ourself are struggling through some heavy ****. Sometimes some perspective is needed and I think there is a tonne of anxiety ridden people who smoke anyway to control the anxiety so when they give up the anxiety goes mental and rather than addressing that they start smoking again... That is certainly my experience anyway... For what it's worth.

    P

  • When I first quit this forum had a few on here who gave out tough support rather than constant soft stuff; I had a wobble in week four, got told to sort myself out, which worked for me. There isn't enough steel at times, the guys I learned from don't seem to be around much now....one in particular used to get shouted down and gave up I think in the end....the word "blip" wasn't stood for much, I know that...

    AngryBear yes...

    I need the hard line... It was mostly gone by the time I joined unfortunately but I definitely needed the hardline cause it had to be black or white for me.

    I like everyone enjoy a bit of happy clapping but bring back the hard liners... Cause some of us need it from time to time. Especially me.

    P

  • Im one of those people who takes more from the journey than the goal, For me I am still on my quit, on day 19 as although i smoked i still felt like a non smoker if that makes sense? i didnt think wow this is good, i thought ew how pointless is this!? hence why i rushed back. I know some people wont agree with me on that, and i respect your reasons but i am still on the journey i set out on 10th September to be a non smoker. I dont see the point in posting back in day 1 as this is not all new for me and I dont really want to take that away from them people tbh.

    So i know some people get the ump about this, but im staying in this weeks thread to post as psychologically, I am here and this is where im counting from myself.

    I didnt mean to sound as if i was minimizing anyones elses hardships on their journey, I know im only 25 but i been through a lot of crap myself, so people going through real hard times and stay on track, I have my up most respect for!

    xx

    PS - Yes a tough Iron Boot is always needed in every walk life i think, good cop, bad cop lol

  • Now I am not criticising your decision or not, right.

    But if it is about the journey and not the goal then what does it matter what day you are on ? After all if the goal is not as important as the journey then a superficial count of days does not matter so much ? Or is the goal a wee bit more important ?

    Now don't take that as a criticism right. Providing you are not smoking today you're Doing good and what is important to me is you are on the wagon.

    Paul

  • exactly my point, i aint starting something again, im carrying on where i was on the journey which was my point, it just so happens the forum is set out in the form of time frames so unfortunately keeping track of the day is kind put out there for us.

    Trust me, If there a forum for 'ive quit, simples' i would post there lol :D

  • Good for you. I think most people are probably more goal orientated. I.e. Not smoke today, not smoke this week, not smoke for a month and not smoke for a year. Small achievable goals and once they complete the goal they can look back on the process, or the journey.

    Over analysing the actual journey or process would cause me far too much grief, much easier to aim for the goals and think about the personal journey later. Sometimes my goal was as small as do not smoke this minute or do not buy smokes when I reach the checkout, and I would give my self a little high five when I made it. And here I am little goals kept me quit for the year. Without a goal and just a vague sense of doing something I would never have known when I had done it and that was important to me.. Knowing when I would have achieved my goal.

    Whoop whoop... I hope your method works for you Nikki. It does not really matter how you 'think' it. What is important is you are not smoking and that is to be celebrated anytime.

    Paul

  • Wow, looks like a few differences of opinion around here.

    I take Max's comments about there always being an excuse. I was so bad I used them as an excuse to not even try. Nikki you are going a hell of a lot better than I did, I could never get to day 18!

    I am guessing you be anxious, me too :( with a dose of depressive episodes, yay! I think it is tough for those outside to understand how much we believe the cigs make us calm. I know the physiology that they don't but hmmm....it is tough to cope and we need new ways to deal with anxiety.

    I guess what I am saying is the anxiety might always be there or there might always be something that increases anxiety which is a reason not to quit. I am just hoping you find a way to work through it and quit for good.

    Huggs

    Jess

  • Just to Clarify, as i think a few people are confused :confused: I dont talk of quitting as a journey as a means of being able to have a cheeky smoke when one feels like it, I mean it as a recovery journey, as all addicts are always in recovery, never recovered. As we are always smokers, physiologically, thats where the one puff rule comes from after all or we would be able to go back to the cheeky one behind the shed at lunch time and be ok. This is not the case though as we all know.

    I will always see myself this way, exactly like an alcoholic, after rehab they are still alcoholics, just not ones who drink anymore.

    Jess, Yeah for someone who struggles with anxiety and depressive episodes it is hard enough sometimes, but when quitting really kicks you off it can become quite unbearable, you dont know whether its you or the quiting, it all merges into one. The Dr lobbed tablets at me...which i am not going to be taking. Im using my spray at the moment but i will be going cold turkey again, as for me quiting smoking is about regaining control over how i feel, as well as the money, health etc. Keep trying Jess, I know you can feel better off the fags (done 3 months and felt amazing) but getting there is a real ****! xxx

  • Nikki, I hope you don't mind me asking, but why won't you be taking the tablets that the doctor prescribed for you?

    Val

  • God I hope it isn't a never ending journey. One day I want smoking to be a stupid thing I look back at and think what a waste of my money and health that was.

    My dad gave up smoking at 50, hes now 77 and I wouldnt call him an addict who is in recovery, I would call him a non smoker.

    I know what you are saying as I have alcoholics in my extended family who are in recovery, one drink and they will be back at it again I just hope that I get to the point where I wont even think about them anymore.

    Heres hoping.

    Lillie xx

  • God I hope it isn't a never ending journey. One day I want smoking to be a stupid thing I look back at and think what a waste of my money and health that was.

    My dad gave up smoking at 50, hes now 77 and I wouldnt call him an addict who is in recovery, I would call him a non smoker.

    I know what you are saying as I have alcoholics in my extended family who are in recovery, one drink and they will be back at it again I just hope that I get to the point where I wont even think about them anymore.

    Heres hoping.

    Lillie xx

    I think it affects each person differently, for example I work with two long term quitters, one who wouldn't take another puff if their life depended on it and another, who has just celebrated 10 years, thinks it might be "quite fun" to have a go on an e-cig!!!! I think I belong in the NOPE category, I don't even want to think there might be a time I'd consider welcoming the Nicdemon back into my life :mad:

  • Nikki, I hope you don't mind me asking, but why won't you be taking the tablets that the doctor prescribed for you?

    Val

    I have done ALOT of research into psychotropic medications and the conclusion is - no one really knows why or how they work. Im not to sure with conditions such as psychosis or schitzophrenia but i know with mood disorders and anxiety disorders this very much is the case. So, why take something for a condition no one knows exactly how or why it manifests? and secondly, a medication the manufacturers dont know how or why it works?

    Sorry im very passionate about that topic lol but thats why. After 10 years back and forth to the docs i have found out I have a wheat intolerance. 5 days wheat free, anxiety gone! doctors ay!

    I think the journey will be forgotten about at somepoint and you will just forget you were ever on it as you would have reached destination :D xxx

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