Quit when pregnant, got free after miscarriage

Hi all,

I got pregnant and that very instant I found out, I went to light a cigarette from the excitement of the news. That instant I got a reason big enough to quit despite the usual reasons I had used to keep smoking for 15 years.

Still didn't work...next day after I told my husband, I secretly kept smoking. I admitted my failure to him and got an ultimatum, which in it's weird way worked magic. At least I took my pack and cut into pieces to make a final gesture, to make that first step, to say I will not smoke!!!!

I had difficult time, first day, the only thought was that of a cigarette. I thought I will never enjoy anything I do unless it will be rewarded with cigarette. I felt very little satisfaction in anything, I was grieving the good times smoking more than I was celebrating the freedom of not.

The change didn't come with banners, it didn't feel like spreading the wings and flying, it was creeping in in it's tinniest miniature steps and in the end of each day I felt little happier.

I lost my baby to unknown reason on my 7th day without a cigarette. That day I decided I wanted to smoke more than anything in the world, but that day I finally started to hate it!!! Just as I went to buy the "I'm in misery" pack to drown my sorrows I snapped out the "poor me" bubble and told **** off to the craving and habit of lighting up as a defence mechanism.

This is my day 11 and to wrap up I want to say that every day I went to forum and read one of your stories to keep motivated and strong, so thank you all for fighting this monster and good luck. It can be done!

2 Replies

  • Hello Falcon

    I'm so sorry to hear about your miscarriage and am in awe and amazed by your refusal to go back to the cigs. Like you I always "rewarded" myself with a fag for deeds well done and consoled myself for deeds not so well done. I also panicked at first and wondered how I was going to cope without my safety net. Nicotine turns us into deceptive, unhealthy and unreasonable liars who will tell ourselves anything to justify sustaining the habit. I wish you all the very best for the future and hope all works out for you.

  • Day 12

    Thank you lovely people! I just wanted to share some bits of the shattered world I suddenly crumbled into and knowing there might not be a solution to my problems but there will be understanding!!!

    Wish you all the best, still hanging on. Do the cravings ever stopA?!?!?!?

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