My names Nicola and im a nicotine addict

Hello! dey ja vu here but hey ho everyone needs an outlet and i dont want to tell ANYONE at home i have given up for the time being.

I had a bit of an upsetting few days on sunday and monday. I was really beating myself up about this giving up stuff. I think i was very confused to my reason; Do I want to give up or do i feel like I should because I feel guilty if i dont??

So i decided I would have a big smoking binge. I smoked about 50 fags in the last two days i can honestly say they were all cue'd (nicodemon). The idea was that not thinking about giving up i could see if i genuinely enjoy doing it without the lurking guilt.

The conclusion? NO i dont enjoy it. I feel awful by 11 am because i smoke most in the morning and im filled to the top with carbon monoxide that my brain feels fried. I do it purely because I am a nicotine addict and that is it! I need it to feel normal not to feel good because it makes me feel like turd!

I dont want to spend my life feeling Ill and having no energy. I need to be here and I need to do this. More importantly I have realised I WANT to be here and give up.

So had a fag 2 hours ago. DONT plan to have another one.

Peace out xxxx

5 Replies

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  • Am around 5-6 years older than you Nikki and if you're anything like me the health things won't mean much. *But* there are tons of good reasons to quit!!

    It's expensive.

    It smells - your hair, clothes, breath all smell.

    It ages your skin - badly. I was getting wrinles round my eyes at 28, and now thy've gone.

    You're tied to having a fag whenever the nicotine demon tells you to.

    You don't enjoy it.

    And am sure you can find tons of other reasons!!

    Most important of all it's far easier to quit *now* than it is in 5 years time.

    My quit at 24 was vastly easier than the quit of hell I'm going through now - don't faff about. Get whatever weapons you want (Allen Carr, NRT, whatever) and get it done!!

    smell your clothes,they stink right?:rolleyes: Worse still,you may not be able to tell! Cmon Nikki do this...:)

    That's the worst bit. You don't know how badly you stink as a smoker.

    Never thought I did but now I can smell a smoker from miles off!!

  • Bleh! I can always smell it real bad when i quit within days!! esp on peoples breath and i thought omg thats how i smell normally how off putting!

    yes max you have probs come to realize by now things arent straight foward for me lol takes me a while but i always get there eventually!

    Thank you for your comments. Its hard it really is and i admire people that do this 1st or even 2,3,4th time and get it!

    Ive got many weapons stocked here. Patches, inhalers, mints, ecig the lot so ill mix it up a bit. Might try ecig in the morning as im sure that mimics the 'hit' the best.

    I do think about the 'beauty' aspects of it alot. esp my skin and hair (that used to be alot thicker) and its amazing you have revered the aging already bet you were really over the moon! good incentive or what!

    Tbh I would rather be a bit fatter in general life but have nice skin and hair! no point being skinny if you look like a hag ha ha xxx

  • Hi Nikki.

    Welcome back, nice to see that you are giving it another go. The fact that you keep coming back and trying shows real determination.

    Nikki you CAN do this, I know you can and you know you can do it too.

    I know you have probably heard/read this all before but taking things in small baby steps whether it's hour by hour or day by day, really does help. Sipping water will help with the cravings and also will help to detox your body quicker. In my early days I kept celery and carrot sticks chopped up in a small plastic lunchbox in the fridge, just to nibble on, and I spent hours just reading and learning about the addiction and how to beat it. I read links in different peoples signatures. This one is the one that helped me the most. quitsmokingonline.com/ found in NicFirth's.

    You can do this... we are all rooting for you.

    Stay strong and take care.

    Love May :) x

  • Bleh! I can always smell it real bad when i quit within days!! esp on peoples breath and i thought omg thats how i smell normally how off putting!

    It's not a nice thought is it? :eek:

    yes max you have probs come to realize by now things arent straight foward for me lol takes me a while but i always get there eventually!

    Thank you for your comments. Its hard it really is and i admire people that do this 1st or even 2,3,4th time and get it!

    Think we're a bit similar with that Nikki :)

    Have found it hard to quit and more importantly *stay* quit but I'll do anything to stay free of the damn things!!

    You've got to find a method that works for you, or any combination of things and stick with it, even though it can be hard as hell at times.

    I do think about the 'beauty' aspects of it alot. esp my skin and hair (that used to be alot thicker) and its amazing you have revered the aging already bet you were really over the moon! good incentive or what!

    Tbh I would rather be a bit fatter in general life but have nice skin and hair! no point being skinny if you look like a hag ha ha xxx

    That's so true!!

    It was starting to worry me a bit, hav always looked young for my age so seeing wrinkles start round my eyes was scary and the dark circles weren't not nice too - it was fab when they went 'cos it showed me that I was doing something really good for myself even though up to then I loved smoking.

    Agree about the weight too, have seen lots of very thin smokers who look really drawn so it's no way worth smoking!!

    Good luck, and let's make this the last one :) xxx

  • Hello! dey ja vu here but hey ho everyone needs an outlet and i dont want to tell ANYONE at home i have given up for the time being.

    I had a bit of an upsetting few days on sunday and monday. I was really beating myself up about this giving up stuff. I think i was very confused to my reason; Do I want to give up or do i feel like I should because I feel guilty if i dont??

    So i decided I would have a big smoking binge. I smoked about 50 fags in the last two days i can honestly say they were all cue'd (nicodemon). The idea was that not thinking about giving up i could see if i genuinely enjoy doing it without the lurking guilt.

    The conclusion? NO i dont enjoy it. I feel awful by 11 am because i smoke most in the morning and im filled to the top with carbon monoxide that my brain feels fried. I do it purely because I am a nicotine addict and that is it! I need it to feel normal not to feel good because it makes me feel like turd!

    I dont want to spend my life feeling Ill and having no energy. I need to be here and I need to do this. More importantly I have realised I WANT to be here and give up.

    So had a fag 2 hours ago. DONT plan to have another one.

    Peace out xxxx

    Sad to hear that you let Nasty Nic get to you, but so glad to hear you back here with your fighting spirit!

    It isn't easy at times and I found that if you really let yourself wallow then it gets worse and worse. Once you allow those thoughts into your head, the guilt, the feeling stupid because you're struggling, the want to give in, they like to dig in there and make a bed for themselves.

    So keep busy and use your NRT for as long as you need! And think lots of positive thoughts! :) You CAN break through the barrier between the smoker in you and the non-smoker, but you just have to fight for it.

    You're a similar age to me and I feel absolutely great (and only four months down the line)!! It will be so beneficial for you to stop now and you really do feel the benefits quickly.

    Please keep fighting and get your butt on here if you feel another smoking binge coming on. It WON'T make you feel better (only worse really) and it'll just re-instate the addiction again, making it much harder to get rid of the withdrawals.

    Right behind you hun, just keep plodding :) x

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