Hello! dey ja vu here but hey ho everyone needs an outlet and i dont want to tell ANYONE at home i have given up for the time being.
I had a bit of an upsetting few days on sunday and monday. I was really beating myself up about this giving up stuff. I think i was very confused to my reason; Do I want to give up or do i feel like I should because I feel guilty if i dont??
So i decided I would have a big smoking binge. I smoked about 50 fags in the last two days i can honestly say they were all cue'd (nicodemon). The idea was that not thinking about giving up i could see if i genuinely enjoy doing it without the lurking guilt.
The conclusion? NO i dont enjoy it. I feel awful by 11 am because i smoke most in the morning and im filled to the top with carbon monoxide that my brain feels fried. I do it purely because I am a nicotine addict and that is it! I need it to feel normal not to feel good because it makes me feel like turd!
I dont want to spend my life feeling Ill and having no energy. I need to be here and I need to do this. More importantly I have realised I WANT to be here and give up.
So had a fag 2 hours ago. DONT plan to have another one.
Peace out xxxx