Ive hit a brick wall

[nsd_user663_57918]

In a mess now. trying to reason with myself but things just dont seem to be ok. life is too hard at the mo and i cannot keep the big cheesy smile going. gonna make dinner as per usual cos that what woman do and rethink this quit. feel sad but do not want to feel so up in the air

[nsd_user663_58183]

Your moment

Hi Gerti, don't do it! How do you know that your lightbulb moment where it all gets so much easier isn't tomorrow or the next few days? You have invested too much to give up now. I think you know that really, it's just that killer addiction is having a last desperate attempt to make you fail. Please keep fighting

Pam xxx

[nsd_user663_57918]

It is a rollercoaster Max and i feel yu have to be in a good place emotionally to survive the big dips. why does all the emotional rubbish rear up for me every time. everyone has bits and pieces that gets them down but mine seem blooming huge right now. Hubbys not talking now cos i moaned back at him and the atmosphere is horrid to say he least. Im angry im bored and i feel brain dead whereas yesterday i was hunkydory. me and woman venus and mars i know we are all different but i am not a man and fed up with being the butt of the male jokes in this house. i never watch tv cos he owns the remote and watches the same war programmes over and over. i am not going to help myself by smoking but i am so sad and sadly fags never seemed to let me down. im already half way to lung disease so why go back ??? basically cos i may as well be gone. I miss my dad dearly, we lost him in 2000 to ephysema. i look after mum, she lives with us (smokes) but is getting frailer. my boys dont need me much anymore all grown up-ish and i can see i have no purpose anymore. i am so sad i have def hit a brick wall

[nsd_user663_57259]

Oh Gerti, I am so sorry you are so down. I had so many similar emotions to you 3 - 4 weeks ago but now I feel absolutely amazing! It's a complete roller coaster but if you smoke now you will have to stop again at some point and go through ll of this all over again!! Is that really what you want?

One thing that really helps me at times is to think of little old ladies with really croaky voices and hacking coughs - do I really want to end up like that? NO I DON'T!!! You will escape from Nasty Nic but he tries his luck with us when we are at our most vulnerable. Smoking now WILL NOT make you feel any better - in fact you will probably just feel like a failure - that's how I felt in previous unsuccessful quits.

Please try hang in there for another day or 2 and it WILL get better. Read your book again in the meantime or try the Allen Carr one but please do not smoke. We are all in this together and we do understand your dilemma, so try trust us when we say it will get better - PLEASE.

Try not to take things out on your hubby or kids (I have done on a few occasions) - rather take your frustrations out on us. Feel free to rant as much as you like - no one will think any less of you.

I really hope you are ok and that you kick that horrible Nic out of the way. You can do it, you really can.

Sarah x

[nsd_user663_57918]

Thanks guys

I feel i dont moan enough indoors and thats why things build. No one helps anyone anymore either and everyone seems so shallow and out for their own gain. got the big moans im afraid.

I never said a word to hubby till he stood behind me watching me dish up dinner, counting how many potatoes he was getting, so controlling

[nsd_user663_57259]

Thanks guys

I feel i dont moan enough indoors and thats why things build. No one helps anyone anymore either and everyone seems so shallow and out for their own gain. got the big moans im afraid.

I never said a word to hubby till he stood behind me watching me dish up dinner, counting how many potatoes he was getting, so controlling

I have been a lot more irritable with my hubby at times during my quit and have had some huge hissy fits that were completely unnecessary. Most of them involve food - like when he had the audacity to take food off my plate before I had finished - I literally screamed at him. Him and the kids hid from me for the rest of that day!! Have a nice soaky bath, an early night and see what tomorrow brings.

[nsd_user663_57321]

Hi Gertie

Maybe it would be a good idea to vent your feelings indoors (in a controlled manner of course, as we ladies do?!!:rolleyes otherwise it is all boiling up inside like a pressure cooker and then it seems so insurmountable and is out of proportion! If you know what I mean?! :confused:

Please do not give up, you have come far too far and we are all rooting for you!:):):) xxx

I will be thinking about you

[nsd_user663_57259]

Ok if none of what we has said is helping try singing the following song to yourself (while having your nice soaky bath perhaps). Firstly you need a really deep voice for it. Ready? If you have watched Miranda before it would help here...

If you don't know the song google it first. Proud by Heather Small

What have you done today to make you feel proud!

Keep singing it over and over and think about what YOU have done to make you feel proud!!!!!!!

[nsd_user663_57918]

Thanks guys

i am listening and gonna have a bath and bed xx

[nsd_user663_57259]

Thanks guys

i am listening and gonna have a bath and bed xx

Things will seem very different tomorrow I'm sure

Xx

[nsd_user663_57918]

Thanks to everyone you really are a great bunch. Sadly I lost my quit last night and yes I still feel rubbish. I dont miss hand to mouth or habits or with tea ect I use fags as an emotional crutch. We dont very often have rows at home but when we do I always reach for a fag whether ive been off them 3 weeks or a year !!! Hubby is a typical bloke who can make me feel like I am going to combust and it is at that point I fail my quits. I have been mostly upbeat over the past 3 weeks and yet my quit has been blamed on HIS latest eruption which i feel is unfair and so i wont let that nasty remark hinder me.

How do you get past this emotional attachment when you feel so angry I really dont know. I couldnt sleep, hubby was soundo !!!!

I dont want the dramas and all the ill feeling that comes with it, its no good for anyone but I am a human being and can only absorb so much moaning before I get fed up.

Normally I would go for a long walk but my menieres is playing up and its as much as I can do to stand and cook at the moment, no body helps and i definately have a case of the poor me's at the moment.

[nsd_user663_54332]

Thanks to everyone you really are a great bunch. Sadly I lost my quit last night and yes I still feel rubbish. I dont miss hand to mouth or habits or with tea ect I use fags as an emotional crutch. We dont very often have rows at home but when we do I always reach for a fag whether ive been off them 3 weeks or a year !!! Hubby is a typical bloke who can make me feel like I am going to combust and it is at that point I fail my quits. I have been mostly upbeat over the past 3 weeks and yet my quit has been blamed on HIS latest eruption which i feel is unfair and so i wont let that nasty remark hinder me.

How do you get past this emotional attachment when you feel so angry I really dont know. I couldnt sleep, hubby was soundo !!!!

I dont want the dramas and all the ill feeling that comes with it, its no good for anyone but I am a human being and can only absorb so much moaning before I get fed up.

Normally I would go for a long walk but my menieres is playing up and its as much as I can do to stand and cook at the moment, no body helps and i definately have a case of the poor me's at the moment.

Men again!!

Sorry you had a blip Gerti *but* everyone here has done it before and stress is right up there with things to make you lose quits.

*Slightly lectury but not meant to be nasty*

OK so you had a fag because you had a row.

* Did it make the row un-happen?

* Did it stop you being angry?

* Did it stop your husband being a moany one and blaming his bad mood on you?

Nope!!

So try and bin the idea that a fag calms you down 'cos it doesn't!!

(Or if it does only for a very short time)

Can't remember, but does your husband smoke?

[nsd_user663_56712]

hmmmm, you can get through this IF you WANT to. ok so you had a smoke. Put it to experience, you can still be a non smoker and stay quit, I know what you mean about the TV, cant remember the last time I had the remote, I usually watch stuff on iplayer in the conservatory while my other half watches a load of what I consider cr@p-history/nature etc!!

dishing up dinner, why not put it all in dishes in the kitchen , serve yourself then tell them to help themselves !?

Come on Gertie, pick up brush yourself down and give it another go, you have come so very far. Don't know which part of Surrey you come from so I'll send you a big virtual hug-if you were local to me I would be knocking your door!

<<<HUGGGGG>>>

Trea x

[nsd_user663_58183]

Chin up

Morning Gerti,

I laughed when I saw Gemma-Lou's comment about "men again" - good observation skills!

Gerti, it's not the end of the world darling so please don't beat yourself up.

Are you able to pick up where you left off today? The sooner the better....hopefully by the time the next row comes along you will be strong enough to handle it without reaching for the fags.

Chin up hun, we all know how hard this is which makes it all the more worthwhile when you crack it.

Pam xxx

[Unah]

Times like that I'm glad I no longer have a man I always reached for a cigarette in times of stress and its the first thought that comes into my mind even now. So you slipped. Well you aren't the first and you won't be the last. If you don't have any more you can carry on as before and we will still be here for you.

Hugs

Una x

[nsd_user663_57918]

Thanks for all your lovely replies. I am like a yo yo at the moment up and down. I think I have chosen the wrong time to quit. Been a hard year with being diagnosed with 2 conditions, family issues that are ongoing and as much as i think im a tough bird I am simply not and the family issues are ripping me apart. Mums been with us 8 years and that on its own has become a huge stress for me. I know there is always an excuse but I truly feel now is not my time but when it is I will be back to this lovely forum xx