I should be more excited and more proud of myself.
All I feel is miserable and I know the anxiety, frustration, depression, anger is all just around the corner. It's that heap of c**p that makes it hard for me to quit smoking.
I can break the habit and kick the cravings not easily, but with plenty of grit and determination I can do it. It's seeing myself failing to do my job properly or biting the heads off the people I love and feeling so low I'm almost suicidal. I can see myself doing it and I know it's just the nicotine, but that almost makes it worse because I know exactly where the solution can be found.
I've even managed to get through that before, until something upsetting happens and my coping mechanism isn't there. Walking away from a stressful situation and taking a breath (even if it is a breath of smoke!) is the best way of dealing with stress or conflict. But for an ex smoker it just doesn't work without the ciggie.
No! enough negative thinking!!! My other half is on holiday for the next 10 days and we're actually getting the hang of talking instead of rowing, this is the best chance I've got of quitting smoking without destroying my relationship in the process.
I'm still having my house renovated but it's almost all builders doing the work instead of my wonderful dad. I don't tend to scream at strangers! And at least I have plenty of productive work (decorating) to do to distract me.
I'm struggling here . . ..
I can do this
I CAN do this
I WILL do this
I AM DOING this!!!