Hello Day 2

I should be more excited and more proud of myself.

All I feel is miserable and I know the anxiety, frustration, depression, anger is all just around the corner. It's that heap of c**p that makes it hard for me to quit smoking.

I can break the habit and kick the cravings not easily, but with plenty of grit and determination I can do it. It's seeing myself failing to do my job properly or biting the heads off the people I love and feeling so low I'm almost suicidal. I can see myself doing it and I know it's just the nicotine, but that almost makes it worse because I know exactly where the solution can be found.

I've even managed to get through that before, until something upsetting happens and my coping mechanism isn't there. Walking away from a stressful situation and taking a breath (even if it is a breath of smoke!) is the best way of dealing with stress or conflict. But for an ex smoker it just doesn't work without the ciggie.

No! enough negative thinking!!! My other half is on holiday for the next 10 days and we're actually getting the hang of talking instead of rowing, this is the best chance I've got of quitting smoking without destroying my relationship in the process.

I'm still having my house renovated but it's almost all builders doing the work instead of my wonderful dad. I don't tend to scream at strangers! And at least I have plenty of productive work (decorating) to do to distract me.

I'm struggling here . . ..

I can do this

I CAN do this

I WILL do this

I AM DOING this!!!

23 Replies

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  • Hi Bridie,

    The first few days are such a roller coaster. It does get easier though, I can assure you. Once you get past the first week, those feelings and cravings become less oftern and it just gets better and better. I am approaching 2 months and my e cig and gum are being used at times to help me get through the difficult cravings (not necessarily the right method but it's my version of NRT) - it is working for me. I havent felt like a real cigarette in weeks now!

    Hang in there, you are doing so well.

    Sarah

  • Thanks for trying to make me feel better Sarah, I really appreciate the effort.

    But I still feel like utter poop, headaches have arrived, dizzy, nausea - waaa waaa waaa winge winge winge. Feeling oh so very sorry for myself.

    If i go buy a single cigar - then it's just one and there's no temptation to have another - then I'll just feel oh so guilty and the nicotine rush will send my head spinning and make me feel even worse in the long run. I'm still in my dressing gown hoping that the time it would take me to get dressed would give me time to re-think that decision of I were to have a weak moment and make it. Of maybe I just feel like spending the day in my dressing gown doing knack all, but unfortunately there's yesterdays neglected work to catch up on.

    I've got to push through this.

    Any suggestions for pick me ups? I'll try an hour in front of the telly and a piece of choc cake, a cuppa and biccys. It;s only 10:30, I've got all day to get this bit of work done I can stretch it out, take my time and have a feel good movie.

  • Aww I'm sorry you're feeling so rubbish Bridie!!

    Um, maybe some kind of NRT would help you?

    Patches and gum did the trick for me, they get you used to not smoking and reduce your nicotine intake at the same time but without wanting to go out and murder people :p

    I can tell you that it *does* get better - I wouldn't be 6 months quit if it didn't 'cos I have naff all willpower.

    Basically be nice to yourself, do anything you want *except* smoke!! Yes it's tempting to have a fag now, but all that will do is 1) junk the effort you've put into your quit so far and 2) reset your craving for about an hour, then you'll want another - and really who wants to go back to being controlled by a plant?

    Didn't register for me at the time 'cos I was only an occasional smoker back then (year 9 maybe?) but in school they did a smoking education video and they explained how smoking only made you feel normal and how fast it depleted. It's true - smoking doesn't add anything to your life. It used to have a good feeling when we started but now? Nope, just keeping the same and nobody needs that!!

    6 months quit I'm the same girl as when I smoked, just healthier, richer and I smell better.

    You *can* do it, but you've got to grit your teeth and go through it!!

    Keeping yourself busy is fab, chew gum too and post on here, it really helps :)

  • how about a walk if it's sunny but leaving your money at home?

    eating something different to usual / normal snacks?

    cooking or baking?

    paining your nails?

    stripping some wallpaper?

    clearing out cupboards?

    If all cupboards are clean and tidy, and you live near Gatwick, please feel free to come and clear my cupboards, they really do need it...

    I spent my first week washing all my clothes, after a couple of days, you'll understand...everything stinks of smoke urghhh:mad:

  • I spent my first week washing all my clothes, after a couple of days, you'll understand...everything stinks of smoke urghhh:mad:

    This is true!!

    I hardly ever smoked indoors, never in my car and "never" (ha ha) in my room - but flipping heck so many of my clothes smelled of fags :( :(

    Have had to chuck out a couple of coats I had for years 'cos they smelled minging, plus my "smoking hoodie" because that was disgusting too.

  • That smoking hoodie WAS minging!!!! love that word :D

    I know it was :eek: :eek:

    Used to think it smelled "a bit smoky but OK" - after less than a week it was "Oh wow that's rank!!"

    I love that word too :D :D

  • Thank you so much for the support guys.

    I've got my ecig which really helps with a nicotine hit when I want one and it goes some way to keep the habit of smoking and a little of the taste too. I've got one of the cheap ones because I'm too tight to spend the money on one of the £40 ones but I may yet resort that.

    Thanks for your suggestions Trea, all good ones. Walking the dog certainly helps, just not until the builders have finished for the day - bless em working a Saturday to keep on top of the job. I'm a fan of cleaning for stress relief / distraction because I get a lot of satisfaction out of it - usually, at the moment the dust is just coming back within hours!! Grr! But yes, cleaning is one of my jobs for today. I'm liking the idea of eating different foods to normal, it would involve a trip to the supermarket maybe for fish sticks, big prawns, weird fruits . . . . yum . . . I'm deliberately avoiding shops that take plastic and sell tobacco for now but I think a bit of a banquet is in order for day four or five when I feel string enough to go to a supermarket and resist. I'm a bit nervous of stripping the wallpaper because it's on the stairs and on the ceiling and I'm scared of heights. Hum, I think I might just get the builders to do that for me, doing something scary usually involves a fag reward afterwards.

    I am looking forward to binning all my fag ash damaged t shirts and then treating myself to new ones that won't be getting those little burn holes all over the front - what I scruff I've been!!!

  • Thanks guys, combination of your support an indulgent chill out session and actually getting dressed and getting on with stuff and I'm feeling much more positive.

    I've been mulling over all your comments, thank you for making me focus on all the good things I have to look forward to. I'm already enjoying the lack of stench from my fingers and the fact that I can still smell my perfume. I'm sure a few loads of washing up and a couple of showers will get rid of the nasty nicotine stain on my fingers.

    I'm going to crank up the volume and put some thumping music on and get cracking with some cleaning. Then I'm going to pick an indulgent movie, a big stack of pringles and I'm going to raid the beer barrel - I brew my own and I have 40 pints of what should be my favorite beer all ready for bottling. I'm don't think that much of it will actually make it into the bottle!

  • Oh and, come day three I'm ready to face ya!!!

  • Don't go climbing ladders after drinking home brew:)

    You might think about buying a better ecig. Some of the cheap ones contain dubious chemicals and also the good ones have graduated ammounts of nicotine to make it easier to cut down. You could also try a nicorette inhalator. I wouldn't have survived without mine especially when drinking alcohol.

    I think you are very brave doing it without patches.

  • I have a "feel good" play list that I created in an attempt to help me get over a bad break up. Just listening to some of the songs I'm finding myself picturing the sticky sticks in the same way I did an ex, imagining throwing them out, stamping on them, allowing myself to be angry and coming to the conclusion that my life is better without them.

  • Ohhh I'd forgotten about that Max, i knew my sense taste would become more sensitive in relation to food, but I never thought of it applying to beer. Wa hey

    I think you may be right Una, I have tried the more expensive ecigs and they are far better than my cheap one. And I'm sure you're right, the cheap ones will be more likley to be a bit (or a lot ) iffey.

    I found the nhs inhalators a bit pointless, they did give me a nicotine hit but no satisfaction what so ever. A little bit of the taste and exhalation vapor is a zillion times better. I have seen a few comments on here about the problem of quitting the ecigs afterwards. I honestly don't think it won't be a problem for me. I don't enjoy the ecig at all, even on day two I'm using the ecig for say every other cig if that and even then it's a few puffs not the 10-15 I'd get from a real cig. I don't actually want the ecig it's just something that I'm reaching for instead of the cig I'm cravng. I am a bit concerned that this might not be the case if I get one of the better ones. I think if I fail (no no no I WILL NOT fail!!!) nope, not going there . . .

    I've not actually tried patches before. To me they'll give you the nicotine but none of the habit type behavior and you can't control when you get the hit it's just constant. It's more the depression and anxiety that get to me than the actual nicotine deprivation, I seem to be able to shake the bulk of the craving within a few days.

  • I've not actually tried patches before. To me they'll give you the nicotine but none of the habit type behavior and you can't control when you get the hit it's just constant. It's more the depression and anxiety that get to me than the actual nicotine deprivation, I seem to be able to shake the bulk of the craving within a few days.

    That's kind of the point Bridie, they get you off the habit of smoking (which an e-cig doesn't) and the depression/anxiety is caused by nicotine withdrawal unless you have an underlying condition :)

    That with gum did the trick for me *and* broke the hand to mouth habit as well!!

  • Hey Gemma, thanks for your comments.

    I don't seem to struggle too much to break the smoking habit. I make a point of avoiding the most tempting situations initially and change my habits or put myself in situations where I wouldn't usually smoke. So that's not really an issue for me, keeping some of the habits helps a little bit initially.

    It's the smoking that's the problem, not the hand to mouth action or the habits. I don't see a problem with keeping these things while we get the actual drug out of our systems / lives. For me giving up just the one main thing is easier than giving up the habits and the like at the same time.

    Hum, you make a good and valid point there. I have struggled with depression and poor stress management and I've just nicely been getting a handle on it this past year or so. I know most smokers suffer from it when they quit so I assumed it was just normal, even with nicotine supplements.

    Maybe I'm not using my ecig enough? I've only been reaching for it when I've actively wanted a cig. I've probably only used it three or four times today, mostly this morning when I was struggling, not so much since my mood improved and I feel my will power's stronger.

    Hum, you know the more I think about it, the more I think you're right. The nicotine deprivation makes me angry / stressed / depressed etc etc so I have an ecig but it's a mental cycle and by then it's got a hold of me and the nicotine won't help. I think I'll try keeping to my old "fag break" schedule and see if that helps me keep the stress at bay.

    Thanks for having the guts to very nicely say something that may have been taken offensively. It's made me think and hopefully helped me improve my strategy!

  • I want a fag

    I want a fag

    I want a fag

    This is why I have waited until my OH was on holiday!!! He borrowed my USB stick last week, he didn't put it back, can I find it?!?!?!

    I'm annoyed, I'm frustrated, I'm angry, I'm p&^%&$ed off. And of course he's out of phone signal so I can't shout at him, not that that would do any good.

    My normal course of action would be to have a fag or three and remind myself that this is just what he's like. I have to accept it or leave him.

    I want a fag

    I want a fag

    I want a fag

    This situation gets my back up even with the fags. Grrrrrr!!!

    Angry

    Angry

    Angry

    Right, no cig, walk. And the greasy takeaway I planned to reward myself with for tea. Come dog . ..

  • Oh and thank you very much for giving me an appropriate place to air my little rant and get things off my chest without reaching for a cig.

  • LOL....I'm giggling away to myself here as I could've written that post nearly word for word not so many weeks ago! My hubby was here to bear the burden though, bless him. I think he is still slightly afraid of me :rolleyes:

    You have the right mind set to get over this rubbish bit so well done you.

    Enjoy the takeaway

    Pam xxx

  • You are doing so well Bridie - hang in there. I use my e cig from time to time, but I'm finding that the gum is just as effective. I'm nearly 8 weeks in but am not ready to stop my NRT yet, but I have dropped to the lower strength on both the gum and the e cig. It is working for me so far, I use my e cig quite differently to some others and it is helping me to avoid buying ciggies. But I am using it less and less now which I think is a good sign. Use NRT that works for you - just be careful not to replace one addiction with another.

    Enjoy the takeaway!!!

    Sarah

  • Thanks for your support Pam and Sarah, much appreciated.

    I can't say I enjoyed the takeaway as much as I thought I would, I feel guilty for stuffing my face and guilty for getting knack all done today. I'm cranky and demotivated

    but it's ok, because I got through today without having a fag.

    If the only thing I achieve for this whole week is quitting smoking then that will be a massive achievement that will make every day better for the rest of my life.

    That is so worth blowing off the housework, work and any other responsibilities and all the other thing's I'd hoped to do with my first free weekend in months.

    It's worth it

    I can do this

    I CAN do this

    I WILL do this

    Hey can I add I am DOING this?

    I just hit 36 hours, 1.5 days. And it's close enough to bed time and the easy 8 hours.

  • Good point Max

  • Well done Bridie - almost bedtime and then you have made another full day!!

    You really are doing brilliantly!!!!

  • Cheers for the encouragement!

    Yup, here I am bed time day two whoopeee!!!

    Because I have the cheapo e cig it's not that great. I get the nicotine hit just like the nhs inhalators but the smoke and taste are a little hit and miss. It started flashing low battery this afternoon so I bobbed it on charge. I had a look at the filter (not sure if that's the right word for it?) and there's nothing to indicate when it's used so OK, changed the cartridge. Oh wow, nicotine hit from heaven!

    I reckon I've been using it for most of the evening on knack all nicotine. That's why I'm not worried about getting addicted to the ecig, I have about 15 cartridges left from the last time I tried to quit which is about 25 days worth of normal smoking. But given you / I / "One" tends to just have a few puffs on the ecig just to satisfy the craving, then put it away. there's no justification to have more at once. It's a very easy way of cutting down the puffs / nicotine intake / time spent smoking. So those 25 days can easily be stretched out. I can see me definitely taking it to parties and the like for a fair few months. Thank goodness the hen party I have coming up will also be attended by an ecig smoker and she has one of the good ones!

    Good night all see you in day three!!!

    My extremely anti-smoking dad will be round tomorrow so it should be quite an easy day to deal with, until the moment he leaves then ill be oh so craving, hopefully the e cig will help with that, I can't quit now!!! lol!!

  • Cheers for the encouragement!

    Yup, here I am bed time day two whoopeee!!!

    Because I have the cheapo e cig it's not that great. I get the nicotine hit just like the nhs inhalators but the smoke and taste are a little hit and miss. It started flashing low battery this afternoon so I bobbed it on charge. I had a look at the filter (not sure if that's the right word for it?) and there's nothing to indicate when it's used so OK, changed the cartridge. Oh wow, nicotine hit from heaven!

    I reckon I've been using it for most of the evening on knack all nicotine. That's why I'm not worried about getting addicted to the ecig, I have about 15 cartridges left from the last time I tried to quit which is about 25 days worth of normal smoking. But given you / I / "One" tends to just have a few puffs on the ecig just to satisfy the craving, then put it away. there's no justification to have more at once. It's a very easy way of cutting down the puffs / nicotine intake / time spent smoking. So those 25 days can easily be stretched out. I can see me definitely taking it to parties and the like for a fair few months. Thank goodness the hen party I have coming up will also be attended by an ecig smoker and she has one of the good ones!

    Good night all see you in day three!!!

    My extremely anti-smoking dad will be round tomorrow so it should be quite an easy day to deal with, until the moment he leaves then ill be oh so craving, hopefully the e cig will help with that, I can't quit now!!! lol!!

    I think if you use the e cig for a few puffs here nd there it's fine. Mine is a Mirge Goldstar and I'm very happy with it. My cartridges last me a week or so at the rate I use it (one cartridge is about 25-30 ciggies) and my battery tends to last about 2 days between charges. I used mine a fair bit last night as we had a braai (South African word for BBQ) and a few drinks too. There were 3 smokers around and 3 e ciggers amongst the group. Everyone else (except the kids) were ex smokers!!

    Well good night and well done again.

    Speak to you on day 3!!!!

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