I dreamt I fell off the wagon

I haven't had any dreams about smoking or quitting smoking in months and months, and even in the very beginning, I don't remember more than one or two.

Last night, for some reason, I dreamt that I consciously, knowingly, without any wiggle room (like too much drinking, etc.) chose to have a cigarette just a few weeks from entering the Penthouse.

I remember nothing of the dream except sitting somewhere thinking it over before lighting up. I sat there and said to myself, "Well, you'll miss your one year goal, but so what? It's just one cigarette, and no one needs to know, and you can stop smoking immediately, and let it be a little blip, and blah, blah, blah."

I watched (in the dream) from a different part of the room (like an out-of-body experience) as I took the cigarette, brought it up to my nose, take a long sniiiiiifffff (I always liked the smell of an unsmoked cigarette), and then, without a second thought, I lit up.

I brought it to my mouth and began to inhale.

I woke up. That's all I can remember. I don't know if I enjoyed it, finished it, hated it, or anything. I only saw myself beginning to inhale.

I wonder why I'm having a dream like that, only six weeks from achieving the Penthouse? It's not like I think about smoking when I'm awake; I only do in passing every once in a while. Of course, I haven't had a "craving" in months.

So why did I have this dream last night? Was it about smoking, or was the whole thing some sort of symbolic episode about something else in my life perhaps?

<shaking head>


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