I'm Sorry

I'm sorry

I'm sorry to my husband for choosing to ignore his plea's for me to stop smoking

I'm sorry to my husband for all the many promises I have broken relating to smoking

I'm sorry to my husband for turning away when he was away to kiss me because I knew my breath and clothes stank

I'm sorry for continuously disappearing into garden for a cig, leaving you quite often with a film on pause, or perhaps with a room full guests

I'm sorry too for leaving you sitting alone at table in a bar or restaurant, or in the cinema or theatre whilst I was out puffing

I'm sorry for cutting short our long walks along the beach with Meggie because I was shattered

I'm sorry for disappearing for a cig when the dishwasher needed emptied

I'm sorry for wasting so much money on cigs

I'm sorry to my kids for setting a bad example to you by smoking

I'm sorry for being deceitful, always trying to hide my habit from you

I'm sorry for kissing and hugging you when I reeked of cigarette smoke

I'm sorry for sometimes not participating in all family activities, preferring sometimes to sit on the sidelines to have a cig

I'm sorry for sometimes saying in a minute, knowing that my intention was to have a cig first

I'm sorry for being crabbit when I was in situations when I couldn't access a much needed cig

I'm sorry too for being grumpy when I was on one of my many, many no smoking crusades

I'm most sorry I ever started, if could only turn back time

To my beautiful grandchildren, you are way too young to even know what smoking is

You've never seen your Mama smoke and I hope you never will

11 Replies

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  • aaaah

    I am sure that they will all say apology accepted!

  • Nutmeg

    Don't be so hard on your self. You smoked, now ur a quitter. Should be patting ur self on the back not say sorry to everybody. U quit when u are ready to quit not when family friends etc. are making you quit. If you quit for somebody else then it's not your quit. It's theirs.

    So stop saying sorry, it's not like you have ruined anyone's life from smoking. Apart from our own Heath

    Well done for quitting :D

  • Lots of great reasons to stay quit and most of us are guilty of all of them.

    I had a very bad day yesterday and it was the first time I almost gave in after almost 4 months without a single waver. I kept reading a birthday card from my grandchildren saying how much they missed me. If I went back to smoking they could miss me forever. Not a pleasant thought.

  • I'm sure you're forgiven by all concerned :)

    Of course it's fruitless to beat ourselves up about the past. But on the other hand I think what you've done here is very healthy: looking at what you were as a smoker, what awful things the habit made you do, what it cost you, is like a goodbye letter to your cigarettes. You are recognising these things so you can put them behind you. And if you ever feel tempted, it's there in black and white. Worth going back to all that for the sake of quieting down a crave? I don't think so!!

    Well done nutmeg, you're doing fab.

    H

  • Look to the future

    Excellent post. Believe me all of us regret and feel ashamed for things we've done in the past to have a cigarette rather than do something else.

    Good that you've recognised it. Now, listen. Do not beat yourself up over it. You cannot change the past what you can do is change the future. Make sure in a few months, years time you are not looking back and still regretting it and saying 'sorry' when you can now change it all and more than make up for the things you regret.

    Well done, you are well on the way to understanding how to beat this nicotine additiction. Believe me, you will.

    Sue

  • Great to make amends. Move on now, you're family love you and want you to be well. As do all on here.

    You are worth it.

  • Haze, Jos, Shelly,Una, Hesbelles, Cyprien and York

    Thank you all so much for your kind words. 4 weeks yesterday since I stopped and I'm feeling fine, fatter but fine!

    This quit feels so different, I'm feeling so much more postive then every before. I think it may be the fact that I'm a Mama now, I have 2 beautiful grandsons

    Thanks again

    Fi x

  • I remember writing similar apologies early in my quit, it got me in touch with the realization of how much this addiction drew me away from important things like giving attention to my partner rather than having a cigarette. i always put cigarettes first, left people sat at the table while i went out to smoke. sometimes all the way through the meal i'd be gulping my food so i could finish it and have a cigarette. so many unfinished conversations and lost golden moments. Nowadays im fully present with people and am en-riched by it and richer of course and more pleasant to be around. so well done to you Nutmeg.

    Mash.

  • I'm sorry

    I'm sorry to my husband for choosing to ignore his plea's for me to stop smoking

    I'm sorry to my husband for all the many promises I have broken relating to smoking

    I'm sorry to my husband for turning away when he was away to kiss me because I knew my breath and clothes stank

    I'm sorry for continuously disappearing into garden for a cig, leaving you quite often with a film on pause, or perhaps with a room full guests

    I'm sorry too for leaving you sitting alone at table in a bar or restaurant, or in the cinema or theatre whilst I was out puffing

    I'm sorry for cutting short our long walks along the beach with Meggie because I was shattered

    I'm sorry for disappearing for a cig when the dishwasher needed emptied

    I'm sorry for wasting so much money on cigs

    I'm sorry to my kids for setting a bad example to you by smoking

    I'm sorry for being deceitful, always trying to hide my habit from you

    I'm sorry for kissing and hugging you when I reeked of cigarette smoke

    I'm sorry for sometimes not participating in all family activities, preferring sometimes to sit on the sidelines to have a cig

    I'm sorry for sometimes saying in a minute, knowing that my intention was to have a cig first

    I'm sorry for being crabbit when I was in situations when I couldn't access a much needed cig

    I'm sorry too for being grumpy when I was on one of my many, many no smoking crusades

    I'm most sorry I ever started, if could only turn back time

    To my beautiful grandchildren, you are way too young to even know what smoking is

    You've never seen your Mama smoke and I hope you never will

    Nutmeg, this is special.

  • Thanks Magic and Mash, that passage was certainly said from the heart!

    Fi x

  • Just posted something on another thread which reminded me of a post I did early on in my quit. At that time my grandsons were very young, I never did smoke in front of them, but did choose to leave them (lots) to do so!!!!

    Regrets, sure.

    Fi x

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