Hey every one sorry its bee a a while since I posted.....Well I can hardly quite believe its now offiically one month since I stopped well ok 1 day to go anyways, its a month im not 2 days into week 5 and boy do I feel good!!
Ok so this weekend gone was so bloody hard it was in fact a total nightmare.... saturday i woke up with that feeling, fag, fag , fag... not the need as that has well and truely gone but the want! gorgoeus weather, off work, wine fag! come the evening i settled down and went for some fish and chips and the woman could not understand a word i was saying i got so mad ( not her fault she should never of been put in that positon where she can barley speak english ) anyways, i just wanted to stab the owener right in the eye with a fork, i thought go outside have a fag and calm down! through gritted teeth i ordered with the owner very nicely, calmly as i did before but inside i justed wanted to cry my eyes out!!! its wierd where this comes from, i need to study this behaviour.... if i had a fag i would not of been arsed in the slightest nothing would of phased me... i knew this nicotime addiction was waiting in the depths of my brain, waiting for one moment it can come back so strong i just cave in.... but I never.... it really felt like i was actually fighting someone in my head... and no im not a nutter or need sectioned lol.
The rest of the evening past ok, i woke sunday morning, and for the first time felt utter depressed beyond anything. I had this thought of " what is the point in getting out of bed ? what is thepoint of being here when i cant smoke ? what is the point ? I cant go on like this, i cant go on fighting, i just want to wake up have normal thoughts and just have that cig so i dont have to make an effort with anything and be happy..... then my partner lights up in the kitchen unaware of my depression lol, that smoke hit me and it smealt so so good i really thought i was going to cry my eys out!!!
he then brings me a cup of tea in bed, i sit up take a sip and it all went away!!!! it was like i woke up, the craving just went!! it was like the fight just went the nicotime craving just give up as he knew he was not going to get one... during this time, i knew in my heart I wont smoke but i have to get over this want!!!!
rest of the day was great, today feel amazing and I can say out of each week, i have on average 2 bad days but I have noticed the bad days are getting less in terms of hours.
I have been unwell at the same time, bad chest, flu like symptoms and I KNOW its the withdrawal still. This can go on a while. the gunk i'm bringing up its disgusting, brown mucas and im coughing every 30 mins or so, i keep apologising to my partner but, he is amazed at the transformation!
more and more people are commenting on my skin on how clear it is, how refreshed I look ( but they dont see the inside when somedays know matter how you comment on how clear my skin is, i just want to gauge your eyes out with a pen ) but its great all the same, im actually enjoying the feeling in my chest being tight, as its not an infection its clearing all that crap out!
the mornings ate best i love waking up breathing which is quite sad really! how on earth did i wake up and smoke 6 cigs on way to work ?
Time is being good, from any newbies reading this, expect the worse on quits even 5 weeks in, they come out the blue and hit you rught between the eyesa full on, you need to prepare for this, when they happen, its like another mind taking over, just breath, deep breaths move out of the situation you are in and stay calm!!! it passes.
since my partner returned from Kenya I am pleased to say I have not made one comment to his smoking at all! kept my mouth shut all week as he has a right to smoke! i feel much better for it and generally coping well around him. By god I am being tested to the hilt with being around a smoker 247 and defo when i get bad days, I have totally underestimated my will power and by god its strong!!!