First Chapter Closed here to Chapter 2

Hey every one sorry its bee a a while since I posted.....Well I can hardly quite believe its now offiically one month since I stopped well ok 1 day to go :D anyways, its a month im not 2 days into week 5 and boy do I feel good!!

Ok so this weekend gone was so bloody hard it was in fact a total nightmare.... saturday i woke up with that feeling, fag, fag , fag... not the need as that has well and truely gone but the want! gorgoeus weather, off work, wine fag! come the evening i settled down and went for some fish and chips and the woman could not understand a word i was saying i got so mad ( not her fault she should never of been put in that positon where she can barley speak english ) anyways, i just wanted to stab the owener right in the eye with a fork, i thought go outside have a fag and calm down! through gritted teeth i ordered with the owner very nicely, calmly as i did before but inside i justed wanted to cry my eyes out!!! its wierd where this comes from, i need to study this behaviour.... if i had a fag i would not of been arsed in the slightest nothing would of phased me... i knew this nicotime addiction was waiting in the depths of my brain, waiting for one moment it can come back so strong i just cave in.... but I never.... it really felt like i was actually fighting someone in my head... and no im not a nutter or need sectioned lol.

The rest of the evening past ok, i woke sunday morning, and for the first time felt utter depressed beyond anything. I had this thought of " what is the point in getting out of bed ? what is thepoint of being here when i cant smoke ? what is the point ? I cant go on like this, i cant go on fighting, i just want to wake up have normal thoughts and just have that cig so i dont have to make an effort with anything and be happy..... then my partner lights up in the kitchen unaware of my depression lol, that smoke hit me and it smealt so so good i really thought i was going to cry my eys out!!!

he then brings me a cup of tea in bed, i sit up take a sip and it all went away!!!! it was like i woke up, the craving just went!! it was like the fight just went the nicotime craving just give up as he knew he was not going to get one... during this time, i knew in my heart I wont smoke but i have to get over this want!!!!

rest of the day was great, today feel amazing and I can say out of each week, i have on average 2 bad days but I have noticed the bad days are getting less in terms of hours.

I have been unwell at the same time, bad chest, flu like symptoms and I KNOW its the withdrawal still. This can go on a while. the gunk i'm bringing up its disgusting, brown mucas and im coughing every 30 mins or so, i keep apologising to my partner but, he is amazed at the transformation!

more and more people are commenting on my skin on how clear it is, how refreshed I look ( but they dont see the inside when somedays know matter how you comment on how clear my skin is, i just want to gauge your eyes out with a pen ) but its great all the same, im actually enjoying the feeling in my chest being tight, as its not an infection its clearing all that crap out!

the mornings ate best i love waking up breathing which is quite sad really! how on earth did i wake up and smoke 6 cigs on way to work ?

Time is being good, from any newbies reading this, expect the worse on quits even 5 weeks in, they come out the blue and hit you rught between the eyesa full on, you need to prepare for this, when they happen, its like another mind taking over, just breath, deep breaths move out of the situation you are in and stay calm!!! it passes.

since my partner returned from Kenya I am pleased to say I have not made one comment to his smoking at all! kept my mouth shut all week as he has a right to smoke! i feel much better for it and generally coping well around him. By god I am being tested to the hilt with being around a smoker 247 and defo when i get bad days, I have totally underestimated my will power and by god its strong!!! :-) :-)

Derek

14 Replies

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  • Well done well done well done

    WOW

    :D

    Way to go Derek

    :D

    that is so good to read your doing so well and being so positive even with the health issues :(

    you have come so far and im so happy to see your still going strong

    onwards and upwards is the way to go

    and im looking forward to reading your posts in the next room which isnt that far away really ;)

    Carol x

  • WOW

    :D

    Way to go Derek

    :D

    that is so good to read your doing so well and being so positive even with the health issues :(

    you have come so far and im so happy to see your still going strong

    onwards and upwards is the way to go

    and im looking forward to reading your posts in the next room which isnt that far away really ;)

    Carol x

    Your right C, not far to go at all! its hard but easier than expected if you know what i mean, i guess itsbecause i have prepped for this being a cerial quitter an all haha. Its great to move on, when i think back to day 1 seems so long ago and have to remember its only a month ago :-)

    d

  • Hi Derek, That was great post, thanks. I think its important that we share the lows as well as the highs. keep on fighting this battle my friend.

    Have you read Allen Carrs book? only i reckon it could help with your "wanting " a cig?

    Cheers and all the best.

  • Hi Derek, That was great post, thanks. I think its important that we share the lows as well as the highs. keep on fighting this battle my friend.

    Have you read Allen Carrs book? only i reckon it could help with your "wanting " a cig?

    Cheers and all the best.

    Hey The Magic, yes tried Allan Car books, and even did his Hypnotherepy 5 times at a cost of £200 each to no avail well i say 4 times i mean twice but if you end up back on cigs after 3 months they give you money back so i had 1 session failed so had 2 follow ups neverworked and the second time i paid £200 i lasted 2 months but never bothered going back what was the point ? if the other 4 failed why would the5th be any different ?.

    I know the want will go and all I have to do is not have one and enjoy the fact and I do but sometimes that need is greater than normal... but i know i will never have another fag so i wil lget through the bad days, im just so surprised when they come from know where!! thanks for your support mate, means a lot, I will get there even if it kills me i will get there.

    D

  • Hi Derek

    Well done.

    I was just going to post my progress, the same as you - 1 month 2 days, but you've beaten me to it.

    I love reading your posts, they are always so much more interesting than mine and describe the trials and tribulations of quitting perfectly.

    I've had my ups and downs over the past few weeks but there seems to be more ups than downs now so I hope that's a sign of things to come.

    Here's to month 2 for both of us - keep smiling.

    Linda x

  • Hi Derek

    Well done for getting through that week end. It made me laugh so much when you described your feelings at the chip shop. Normally I am very easy going, but I recognised those feelings you had in myself last week in a couple of incidents I had.

    I think you are doing so brilliantly. Be very proud of yourself - it cannot be easy being with a smoker. I am with a non-smoking partner which makes it so much easier on me....the fact that he can be a grumpy old git is neither here nor there, now, cos from now on I am imagining your fork :) xx

  • Hi Derek

    Well done for getting through that week end. It made me laugh so much when you described your feelings at the chip shop. Normally I am very easy going, but I recognised those feelings you had in myself last week in a couple of incidents I had.

    I think you are doing so brilliantly. Be very proud of yourself - it cannot be easy being with a smoker. I am with a non-smoking partner which makes it so much easier on me....the fact that he can be a grumpy old git is neither here nor there, now, cos from now on I am imagining your fork :) xx

    haha, honestly the fork is my savior!!! but the worst feeling was in that shop I felt so embarrased as everyone looking at ME as if im the one in the wrong!!! that burning feeling you get inside, i think its rage lol but the shakes iand in my head... GIVE ME A FAGGGG, anyways it went after i calmed down lol. its absolute crazie but i never had one :-)

    when your partner is being grumpy just IMAGINE the fork dont actually do it hahaha

    d xx

  • when your partner is being grumpy just IMAGINE the fork dont actually do it hahaha

    Ha ha Derek, I am not making any promises :D

  • Hmm what I thought was the quotes thing did not work. How do you do that???

  • Hmm what I thought was the quotes thing did not work. How do you do that???

    umm you seem to have resolved love ?

    x

  • Derek, you know I always like to hear from you. You are not far behind me and you are someone I consider a friend on this forum (you are also the sane person in the Olympians lol).

    The big differences between us seem to be these:

    1) I am normally the kind of person who would react the way you did at the chip shop. If someone doesn't have a basic comprehension of the English Language when they require it I would complain to the manager. I have been on the phone to call centres and have asked them to pass me to somebody who speaks and understands English. (I must say I am not racist in any way but I spent years in the service industry and expect a basic minimum of someone who can communicate). Stopping smoking has mellowed me out and I am less likely to say what is on my mind now as I don't want people to think it's because I have stopped smoking lol

    2) My partner still smokes but this doesn't annoy me now. He is talking about quitting but that is a decision he has to make for himself. What annoys me is that he goes out of his way to make sure I don't actually smell it but this is not real world practical - I am always going to experience smokers. I work in a built up city centre area so smokers are the norm round here.

    Otherwise we are the same person and a lot of what you are experiencing I have dealt with a couple of days before you.

    Well done mr and keep at it. When I get to London (hopefully within the next few months) I fully expect to grab a catch up as one non smoker to another. We may even be able to invite our signifigant others (or not lol)

  • umm you seem to have resolved love ?

    x

    Oh, mine looks different...it shows HTML code at the top and has a bar thing underneath.But I see how it's done now....just noticed the "Quote" thing on the right! DUH.

  • I just want to add that you guys are doing great. I too live with a smoker. I am to the point that I enjoy the smell once in a while. It doesn't bother me at all. I made up my mind to quit and what he does is up to him.

    As far as the fork comment.....just think about it.....thoughts don't hurt anyone...LOL ppat

  • Derek, you know I always like to hear from you. You are not far behind me and you are someone I consider a friend on this forum (you are also the sane person in the Olympians lol).

    The big differences between us seem to be these:

    1) I am normally the kind of person who would react the way you did at the chip shop. If someone doesn't have a basic comprehension of the English Language when they require it I would complain to the manager. I have been on the phone to call centres and have asked them to pass me to somebody who speaks and understands English. (I must say I am not racist in any way but I spent years in the service industry and expect a basic minimum of someone who can communicate). Stopping smoking has mellowed me out and I am less likely to say what is on my mind now as I don't want people to think it's because I have stopped smoking lol

    2) My partner still smokes but this doesn't annoy me now. He is talking about quitting but that is a decision he has to make for himself. What annoys me is that he goes out of his way to make sure I don't actually smell it but this is not real world practical - I am always going to experience smokers. I work in a built up city centre area so smokers are the norm round here.

    Otherwise we are the same person and a lot of what you are experiencing I have dealt with a couple of days before you.

    Well done mr and keep at it. When I get to London (hopefully within the next few months) I fully expect to grab a catch up as one non smoker to another. We may even be able to invite our signifigant others (or not lol)

    Ha ha that is so true, i have noticed similar things happening to us lol, i envy your calmness so people dont say your stopping smoking, Im going to try this ;-) The worst thing is as you know is when people say " oh calm down your so grumpy when you quit fags" i feel like saying " NO its because when i smoke i have the pateince to put up with your fxxxxng stupidity" lol fags so I need to learn fast to get this calmness back inside me, dont get me wrong i never react i still smile lol but i want that burning rage to go inside, i guess it will saying that, the woman in the chippy brought it out good and proper. like you im not racist at all but to feel inferier in a chip shop in my own contry and town then made to look stupid from everyone in there as they were not english is not on!!! wish you had of been there, actually we may be locked up now!!! eeeek!! yes if your in london and im free would be great to meet you!

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