Six months ago, almost to the minute (as I write this) I quit smoking. Since it takes a year to reach the Penthouse, I figure I must be at the Pent, or at the House.
You know, half way there.
Feels good to be this far along. I don't think I really believed I could reach this milestone when I first set out. The first few weeks were challenging. I kept a journal back then, and here are some of the things I wrote during those first few days/weeks:
1. I have made the decision to quit smoking today, March 14, 2012.
I’ve been approaching this decision many times over the past few years. I have wanted to quit, but been too afraid to quit. I’ve been afraid of the first three days and the first three weeks of discomfort.
2. I know there are some tough spots ahead. Probably quite a few. But at least for now, although it’s only been four hours, I can call myself an ex-smoker.
3. I’m close to completing my first 24 hours without smoking. It’s been a LONG time since that’s happened. I can’t remember the last time.
To think, I’ve spent six years, and thousands of dollars, on cigarettes, all because I was so upset with something L had done (or not done) way back then.
4. I’ve made it through Day One without a puff – not a single one. I’d say there were about a half dozen strong cravings, but even these weren’t intense, just strong.
5. (Three days in) I came home from an errand at the bank. It’s a beautiful day today, with temperatures in the low 70s. Couldn’t be prettier out there.
When I opened my apartment, I smelled it, probably for the first time, as it now smells. Oh my God, it stinks. And that was at the front door! I didn’t even want to come inside, but of course, I have to.
Regaining my sense of smell is going to be a mixed blessing, I see.
6. (Four days in) It’s about 9:45 p.m. on Day Four.
Today has been fairly uneventful; I spent the day at home, catching up on laundry, doing lots of internet surfing, and the like.
There weren’t any really strong cravings. This evening, there have been quite a few (comparatively) smaller cravings. They come and go with some consistency, and they have a feeling of nostalgia about them, almost like a “remember when a cigarette right about now would be really good?” set of thoughts.
All I’ve done is simply acknowledge that I’m having cravings, and turn my attention to other things. That seems to be working.
7. (Ten days in) Just so lonesome today. Feel like crying. Actually, I AM crying. I’m so lonesome and alone, and there’s no one to talk with.
I don’t want to smoke. I won’t smoke. I just hate being so alone all the time!
I stopped journaling shortly after that. I wish I had continued; I'd love to read what I would have written.
Anyway, I'm HALF WAY THERE! Thanks to all of you who've encouraged me, responded to my threads, offered your advice, commiserated with me, etc. You've made a big difference.
I have to say, the first six months went by quickly - much more quickly than I thought they would when I started.