Letting go...

When I first quit, like most of you, I battled daily (hourly!) with my cravings for a smoke. I was consumed with defeating the urge and getting on with my life. My quit revolved around the deliberate act of NOT smoking.

After a while, it became a little easier, and then a lot easier. Desire for a cigarette has nearly ceased now, only making its presence felt every now and then - and not that strongly when it does.

What I now find myself dealing with is how to let go of some things:

Guilt

It's hard to let go of how guilty I feel about having smoked; having wasted time, money, and self-esteem on such a foolish habit.

Anger

It's hard to stop being angry with myself for returning to smoking six and a half years ago, after a several-year-long quit, when I knew better, and had been off the evil weed for so long.

Embarrassment

It's hard to stop feeling embarrassed when I think of my smoking career, especially when I'm talking with folks who were smart (or lucky) enough to have never smoked at all.

Nostalgia

In spite of ALL these things (guilt, anger, and embarrassment), I still romanticize smoking occasionally, and long for the days when I was a clueless smoker (back when I was in my 20s, thirty-five years ago). I was young, carefree, and I loved smoking. It was part of my self-identity and I saw no reason to give it up, until much later.

So, as I get close to the half-way marker on my journey to the Penthouse, I'm no longer dealing with the urge to smoke. I'm dealing with issues of letting go of how having been a smoker affects me now. I'm trying to let go of feeling guilty, angry, and embarrassed about the guy I used to be, while I still find myself day-dreaming, every now and then, about how "cool" it was to be young, foolish, and smoking without concerns.

It sure is a long journey, this quitting thing, isn't it? A day at a time, DGee. A day at a time.

[nsd_user663_1658]

I really like this post Dgee, it is more or less how i felt at the 6month stage, youve put it into words really great! from your previous quit your prob know yourself that the romantic side of smoking fades away too in more time...Until your left with the feeling of complete & utter happiness that you no longer smoke, im not saying its easy haha like youve said "this quitting things is a long journey! ............ and your right, but also a well worth one! ...you will feel different again in a few short months

[nsd_user663_40738]

I have been feeling the urge to smoke. I find myself reaching for that non-existant fag... it's been over 9 monyths for me but I still want one once in a wahile. Not sure why all of a sudden but I do know that I am stronger than the urge.....NOPE!!!! ppat

[nsd_user663_51617]

Hi Dgee, we are all different. Personally I cant undertand why you would feel like this. You cant turn back the clock and you cant change your decisions. A good friend of mine said to me when we are 15 "only ever worry about what you can control". I have lived by this motto all of my life since then and I love it. I have drummed this in to my kids too and I swear it helps them in so many situations. There is absolutely no point whatsoever in you wasting your emotional energy on brooding over the past.

I suggest you stand up, slap yourself in the face and move forward being joyous and proud of what you are now and what you have achieved.

cheers

[nsd_user663_18145]

That is a good post Dgee and i agree with what you said but thinking about what happened in the past cant be changed you have learnt from it and now its time to acknowledge it accept it then leave it in the past where it belongs

you are now alot stronger to that person from the past you are now more knowledgeable to deal with the future of staying smoke free that is to never get complacement and let that smoking head tempt you with the thoughts of

one wont hurt or smoking will help

especially when you are in a stressful upsetting situation

some urges can be strong and leave you reeling and thinking where did that come from :eek:

but its just another ploy from your smoking side and as long as you just distract yourself it will pass

looking forward to seeing you in the penthouse

Carol

[Tomatpots 10 Years Smoke Free]

Hi DGee

These are all normal feelings that a non smoker will experience on the path to freedom. Well I did anyway.

£7 a pack x 7days x 52 weeks = the yearly payments on my new car or I could spend in on choking and killing myself.:eek:

These feelings will pass with time, but congratulate yourself because you have stopped smoking

[nsd_user663_42390]

DGee, I would say these are normal feelings although I do think you are being hard on yourself. I also quit years ago for 5 years and then started again and I regret that so much. I realise I cannot change that and I am moving forward. The important thing is that you have done it now and you wont make the same mistake again.

[nsd_user663_52327]

Dude, I hope I feel the same way you do!

Don't be hard on yourself that should be a good thing the thoughts you are thinking... It shows you've moved on. There's nothing to be embarresed about. You made it out of the trap not many people do! Only the strongest or smartest do!

You got to remember noone choses to become addicted to cigarettes, Its the most powerful drug on the planet and once it's in you its hard to get rid of it and not many people do. You did!