The adventures of Evie & Phil (Wk 2)

Sunday morning Evie!! We've made it into our 2nd week together. Well done!!

Let's gather our senses and take it day by day thro the week, again together for strength and support when it goes pear-shaped and together to celebrate the successes and victories.

I had a couple of weak moments during tonight (Saturday), but dealt with them okay by telling myself "just how much of a failure would I be to myself and my quit buddie, Evie, if I capitulated now?" The storm was ridden out and a full week lies behind us!!

Must say though, I'm eating a lot of snacky crappy things!! I'll probably die of fatty heart tissue surfeit and excess cholesterol BUT with totally clear lungs and a pleasant smell!

Anyway, with the same gusto and resolve as when we started, "Week 2, bring it on"

Have a good Sunday X

63 Replies

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  • Starting to feel the strain

    Morning Phil,

    I found this thread more by luck than good management this morning but it's great to hear you sounding as strong as ever.

    :oI should be feeling euphoric at reaching this stage in my quit but I'm embarrassed and ashamed to say that I'm feeling anything but this morning. Since I got up, and for no reason at all, I have been unable to train my thoughts away from that 'oh so familiar' needy feeling that I must have a cigarette. Maybe it's because it's one of those lazy Sunday mornings where I've got time on my hands - I don't know but, despite my best efforts, I can't seem to shake these nagging thoughts off.

    My subconscious knows that I am determined not to smoke but my inner demons seem to be getting the upper hand this morning!

    I'm sorry to be whining on like this to you and my other anonymous 'cyber' friends, especially when I thought I was actually beginning to take charge of this quit - I'm usually stronger than this but, just writing this down strangely enough seems to be having a slightly theraputic effect on me and it is making me put things back into perspective. Am I actually feeling like this because of nasty, expensive, addictive cigarettes???

    I know that immediately I post this these self pitying feelings will probably fade away and I'll regret sending it!)

    Right, after getting that all off my chest I'm going to try to get on with the rest of my day in a more positive 'Evie-like' fashion.

    Mind over matter - I must NOT not give in!

    I hope you are having a good day Phil, stay stong (well at least stronger than I am at present).

    Evie x

    Shall I press 'submit' - oh well, here goes.............

  • WELL DONE TO YOU BOTH :D

    your doing so well getting into week 2

    Evie dont be so hard on yourself of course your still going to have times when your thinking wtf :eek: its still early days

    try not to think too far ahead and just concentrate on each day as it comes along

    i promise it will get easier and with the support from your quit buddy Phil and everyone else on here you can do it

    everytime you get down and feel a yearn come on here and read post to keep your hands and mind busy till it passes keep saying to yourself

    "i will not smoke today"

    you dont want a white disgusting addictive expensive white stick controlling your every breathe

    you are taking the power back

    so go girl go :)

    onwards and upwards is the way to go

    regards

    Carol

  • Still here.........

    Hi Phil

    Feeling much better now after the trials and tribulations my quit caused this morning - that really was the closest I've come to giving in since the start and it was not a good experience.

    I would say there were, for want of a better word, the first really strong 'cravings' I've experienced over the last week, the earlier ones were nothing in comparison. Still, we both knew that quitting wouldn't always be easy but I think that I now KNOW that I CAN do this, so long as I don't drop my guard.

    Sorry for the earlier post, I will try and keep them positive in future.

    To anyone else out there who's reading and feeling how I was earlier I would say "Please don't give in, think of all the benefits of quitting and don't be a slave to the weed". Easy to say you might be thinking but honestly, if I can manage to get through how I was feeling this morning (you've no idea how I almost talked myself into going out and buying myself some cigs), anyone can!

    I hope you are having an easy Sunday Phil, I now feel ready to start enjoying what's left of mine:).

    Just make sure you don't let your resolve weaken like I almost did, although somehow I don't think YOU will. ;)

    Stay strong.

    Evie xx

  • Thanks Carole,

    I am trying so hard this time and I'm really grateful for your support.

    I think that only another quitter knows what it can be like to try and give up something that we've obviously adjusted and become addicted too - it sounds scary when described in that way but I guess that's the truth about smoking.

    I wish I'd made a serious effort to give up ages ago before smoking really got me in its grips. It was always something I wanted to do, something I thought I could easily do and yet something I kept putting on hold for one pathetic reason or another.

    It's just strange that I found last week quite easy to deal with, I knew it was too good to last.

    I will do it this time and I do find that reading the advice and other posts, as well as posting myself is proving to be really helpful.

    Thankyou again.

    Evie x

  • Evie...you are doing brilliantly. Dont worry about how you felt this morning. Your addiction is naturally throwing every last ditch attempt at you to try and break you. It senses you are getting away from it......and you are. I clearly remember having a very similar day about a week in. Evie. Carol is right. Always remember to not think too far ahead. At times like that the rule is one crave, one minute at a time. Right back to basics Evie. Just say....I will not have THIS cigarette, and dont worry about the next one.

    Phil. I ate like a beast for about a fortnight when I first quit. Now.....10 weeks on......I'd say I eat about the same as I used to...except I actually make some healthier better choices now. Funny how this healthy quitting thing spills out into other areas of our lives. For now.....really......dont worry about it. Enjoy your food. You'll soon sort that out once you've got this not smoking thing more firmly under your belt.

  • Quick drop-in

    Thanks for the encouragement and good advice Dippy, I will try and follow it.

    Congratulations on doing so well yourself, I will do my best to try and catch you up.:)

    Hi Phil

    Well that's another cigarette free day to mark off the calendar thank goodness.

    After my rocky start this morning I am pleased to report that the rest of my day has passed without me losing the plot any further - fingers crossed, I think I am back in control of my quit, at least for the time being.

    Since quitting I too have noticed an increase in my appetite, can't say I'm too happy about that as I think I was already eating sufficiently, but I have also noticed that my sense of taste has improved so that can only be a good thing. I do try to be careful about how much I eat (that said I do enjoy my food:)) but I am quite happy with my present weight so will just concentrate on getting used to this quit for the time being. I don't think we should feel too guilty about indulging ourselves with a few well deserved treats just at the moment - once we get things under control we can soon get rid of any unwanted pounds - if we put any on (I hope we don't though;)).

    I'm feeling really shattered this evening, probably because I allowed myself to get so 'mentally drained' this morning, so it's going to be an early night for me.

    This is the first time I've subscribed to any type of forum so I'm still finding my way around. I hope I haven't missed any of your posts but we're a bit like ships that pass in the night as I've noticed a lot of your posts are in the early hours when I'm usually fast asleep.

    I hope you have enjoyed a good day, that you're feeling as strong as ever and getting ready to face whatever Day 9 decides to throw at us - bring it on!

    Evie x

  • Lunchtime Update

    Hope you are still okay Phil - I've been wondering how you are doing?

    Today is much better than yesterday on the no-smoking front. In fact, apart from coming on here to write this, this is the first time I've thought about it since I got up.

    I have decided to change my way of thinking towards this quit - from now on I am going to try and only think of it in a positive and constructive way. Up until now I think I have made things harder by allowing myself to feel that I am denying myself something that I really need to survive. In future, if I get any more cravings like the ones I had yesterday, I'm going to try and concentrate on all the negative aspects of smoking really hard instead of just allowing myself to feel deprived.

    Since I stopped I have noticed how much better I feel in every way, the only downside is my subconscious occasionally trying to tempt me back to my old smoking ways. Sometimes I think it might be the 'hand to mouth' action that I miss so I have taken to keeping a pencil within my grasp and just fiddling about with it if any smoking thoughts enter my head - that, together with a bit of relaxation, does have the desired distracting effect for me.

    OMG I think I really must be losing the plot, that sounds really silly when I read it back but I don't care so long as I don't fall off the no smoking wagon.

    I really want to prove to myself that I can do it this time.

    Looking forward to a report on your progress Phil, hope all is well - I don't want to do this on my own!

    Evie x

  • Evie Well done! You are not doing this on your own we are all keeping a close eye on you!:)

  • OMG I think I really must be losing the plot, that sounds really silly when I read it back...

    Doesn't sound silly at all, Evie!

    One of the best things you have done (apart from the smoking thing of course!) is to join this forum. I think we are all looking out for each other. We all want everyone to succeed so if it helps get stuff in your head down on "paper" (as it were) then let it all out.

    However anyone is getting on in their quit, whether it's early days, perhaps peeps struggling a little, other doing well and want to share - no one is alone. :)

  • Thanks Pappy, you're right and I agree 100% with what you say about this forum.

    We are all in this together, and all for the same reason. It does help to be able to share our experiences together - the good and the bad. It's still early days for me but I do intend to try and stick this quit out til the bitter end this time.

    I see that you started your quit in April so you've done really well - congratulations, and thanks again for your support and encouragement.

    Evie x

  • Evie...Tremendously well done for getting through what sounds like a difficult period. Reading past posts it does seem for some peculiar reason that circa days 9,10 & 11 quite a few problems occur. It may well be the demons' last chance to attack you via the 'cravings' route. I think in a short time we'll be free of cravings and will face the mighty powerful 'psychological triggers' in what could be trench warfare for a few months, or more!

    We've come so far together and got through some tough moments, due in no small part to our friendship on this forum. It can't all be 'happy clappy' posts filled with rainbow colours and woodland flowers....there simply have to be dark moments when temptation becomes really tempting! Moments of negativity and feeling fairly pee'd off with it all.

    So.....

    In these moments of darkness, temptation and weakness get on this forum and give me the most negative tale you can about the lousy time you are having...I'll certainly do the same cos sharing the pain and hurt is just as important as sharing the success and victory.

    Never feel embarassed or ashamed of talking about weakness & vulnerabilty. We all go through it and it takes someone like you to break the ice, afterwhich, we discover that scores of us have the same feelings.

    I think admitting you experienced weakness and doubt is in fact, one of the biggest weapons against them!

    Please....keep going. X

  • Hi Phil

    Good to hear from you again, glad you are still here.

    Yes, I had a bit of a difficult time yesterday but I managed to get through it still in one piece and, more importantly, still smokefree.

    To be perfectly honest there are times when I think that I can't be bothered with all the aggravation that this quit sometimes causes but I think it's becoming a battle of wills and I'm determined to win - if only to prove to myself that I can do it.

    Even right now I could really fancy a cigarette but it's not a craving as such, more a kind of strange yearning - so difficult to put into words and so stupid when I think rationally about it.

    I am going to try and keep my mood light though and keep reminding myself that I can do this.

    How are you coping, you still sound as if you're doing really well so keep me posted on your progress and stay strong.

    Evie xx

  • This evening, I drove my motor bike from Gharb to a wonderful small beach known as Xatt l-aharma (Red beach)

    I there sat outide a friends rickety old boat house and gazed over a sea, peach coloured by the setting sun.

    Never, during my quit, have I thought 'Sod it' as much as then!

    I knew some people there and they had cigs, it would have been easy...this is how I got through it. This sounds really dramatic.

    I thought about a young soldier on TV recently returning home from Afghanistan. Doing his bit to uphold freedom, he had to cross a minefield. Both his legs were blown off in that attempt but when he arrived home he bore a great big smile and grin.

    Now if he can smile in the face of losing both legs in a war he didn't create or want, then I can surely fend off a totally irrational need to poison myself on that beach, or anywhere. I got through a real heavy crave and came out poignantly determined to beat this more than ever.

    The dreaded day 10 for us tomorrow!!

  • Yes, Day 10 tomorrow - bring it on

    ;) Phil, you certainly have a way with words.............

    Firstly the location and scene - sounds absolutely idyllic.

    (We have had some sunshine in the UK today and the weather forecast predicts that our summer could actually start at the end of the week so I live in hope)

    Secondly your story - if we try to compare it with what we are going through it makes our experiences pale into insignificance.

    I suppose what we are trying to do is change the habits of a lifetime but 'better late than never'.

    Have a good day tomorrow Phil, I imagine you'll be basking in the sunshine again so enjoy!

    Keep the posts coming.

    Signing off now so I'll say "Goodnight".

    Evie xx

    ps Thankyou Haze56 for your earlier supportive message

  • Day 10 come and gone!...What was all the fuss about! It was my easiest day yet. No cravings, just a couple of triggers but not too hard to deal with.

    Evie..Did you manage alright? I hope you did!

    It's quite late and I've just got in after playing piano in a bar in Qala. It's still 29c and very sticky indeed.

    I'm really gonna be prepared for day 11 (Wednesday) Today was a breeze cos I was soooo not gonna fail on day 10. The demons may see their big chance to hit me with a reposte, whilst my defences are lowered after d10's big effort.....but I've seen their cunning plan! and I'm ready....Day 11, you simply have no chance, not one chance in hell...so come on!!

    Stay strong Evie...I can see a tiny light at the end of the tunnel.

    Goodnight X

  • Very quick drop in

    Day 11 of my new no smoking way of life...........................

    Glad things are going well for you Phil, hope today is proving to be as easy as yesterday.

    I had a fairly okay day yesterday, no major problems to deal with really.

    Today is going well and I'm managing to shrug off any of those nagging thoughts without too much trouble. I definitely think that it's the psychological aspect of this quit process that is going to prove to be the most difficult for me to adjust to though.

    Sorry, another interruption so I'll have to go (this is my second attempt at posting today!). Will hopefully catch up with you later.

    Evie x

  • Evie, Have you read Allen Carrs book Easy way to stop smoking? I think that would be tremendous help with the psychological side of the quit. You can down load it I beleive and there is a link on this forum somewhere but it is about a tenner in Smith or Wtaerstones. If you haven't read it I suggest you do. Keep it going you two you are doing brilliantly!:)

  • Allen Carr's 'Easy Way to Stop Smoking'

    Hello Haze56

    Strange coincidence that you should mention that book because I have heard of it and was thinking about purchasing it myself next time I go into town. I know that it has helped so many people but I was sad to hear recently that Allen Carr himself is now suffering from lung cancer (my biggest fear).

    Despite knowing all the reasons why smoking is so bad for us I took so long to take the decision to stop - probably just burying my face in the sand because I knew it was something that I thought I enjoyed, thought I needed and really just accepted as part of my way of life.

    I have to admit that from the very start I always knew that it was something I shouldn't be doing. I remember as a small child embarrassing my mother when we were out in the presence of other smokers - I used to hate the smell of burning cigarettes. I remember covering my nose and mouth and complaining bitterly to her about it, sometimes in quite a loud voice that could be overheard quite easily - javing said that I probably was a very spoilt child in those days!

    Now though, most of my friends and family no longer smoke, those that used to having made the wise decision to stop many years ago (most of them don't even know I was still smoking).

    Why it has taken me so long to dispense with a habit that I started so many years ago just in an attempt to make myself look 'cool' I do not know. I can remember those early days when I actually' trained' myself to smoke as everybody else did it then and noone seemed to think about the consequences. I didn't even really like it at first but it soon became just part of my life and one that I just took for granted and didn't really think about.

    Since I have not been smoking I have casually observed others who still are (they can usually easily be identified standing outside their workplaces or resstaurants etc) and I can now see just how I must have looked too - I have suddenly realised that it is not a good look at all - nothing 'cool' about it.

    Giving up this bad habit is not proving to be as easy as I thought it would but I WILL do it. I think that finally putting into perspective what I have actually been wasting my time and money on over 'oh so many years' has eventually dawned on me, I should have made this decision years ago.

    But, I am not going to beat myself up over this, you can't change what's in the past and you've got to look to the future and hopefully that will be a smokefree one for me, Phil also.

    As I've said before, I can't believe that I'm writing all this stuff about something that 'in the scheme of things' is so unimportant but it is important to me. I have started this and I will finish it, as I've said to Phil "better late than never".

    I'm sorry if you think I am over dramatising things but I have become almost ppassionate about accomplishing this little mission of mine and I'm determined that I will stick it out to the end.

    I can't say that I'll never have another cigarette but I truly hope I won't, I certainly don't intend to, not if I can help it.

    Thankyou again for your support, I'm sorry for 'going on' but once I GET started sometimes I just can't stop'.

    I will try and look for that book next time I'm in town and if I can't find it then I'll just download it - i do love reading. I somehow have a feeling that it will just tell me what I already know though.

    Thankyou again.

    Evie x

  • My post has disappeared??

    :confused:Sitting here bored to tears, staying in tonight, nothing on tv and can't be bothered to really do anything so came on here for a browse around.

    Have just written a post, sure I pressed submit but it's nowhere to be seen (probably just as well you must be thinking after that last post of mine:eek:!)

    Can't believe I wrote all that, what is this quit doing to me - promise to exercise 'economy of words' in future.

    The main thing is I'm not thinking about smoking, today has been good.

    Hope your day has been the same Phil.;)

    Evie x

  • This thread rocks!

  • This thread rocks!

    Agreed! Love it!

  • Lunchtime Quickie - Day 12?

    Thanks Esso and Haze, glad you enjoy reading.

    Day 12 and so far so good on the quit front.

    Where are you Phil? I hope you are still going strong.

    As I said, I was at a bit of a loose end last night. The weather was dreadful - pouring with rain and I couldn't find anything on tv worth watching or be bothered to really do anything. I find my thoughts drift back to 'smoking whenever I'm not occupied so I resorted to giving myself a manicure and pedicure - very theraputic but totally boring.

    I'm not sure if I should be sharing this with you (hope Phil's not reading) but I've now got a new distraction to occupy myself with when this quit starts getting tough.:o I've started reading the 'Fifty shades' trilogy that everyone's talking about - no, I didn't actually buy it - one of my friend's gave the books to me as she's finished reading them. I must stress that it's not the type of reading material I usually engage in:D but since starting it last night I managed to get almost half-way through the first book before I realised the time (it was late!) and dragged myself off to bed. I've decided I need read it if only to see what everyone's raving about!!:)

    On a more sensible note, I'm still coping okay although I'm sure I never 'thought' as much about smoking as I do now before I stopped.

    Looking forward to hearing your news Phil.

    Evie x

  • Hi Evie, I bought it today in Tesco. I thought I may aswell see what all the fuss is about. Seriously though I find reading really did take my mind off smoking in the early days. I love reading. That could be a very good distraction for you. Well done Evie, you are doing graet. Wonder how Phil is???

  • Day 13 tomorrow....................

    Dreaded day 13 for me tomorrow but what's happened to you Phil??

    I know it's only a couple of days since we last 'spoke' but, as anyone who is in the early stages of their quit will agree, 2 days can sometimes seem like 2 years!

    I'm sure you are doing fine, I do hope so.

    Sometimes quitting can suddenly push us to the limits (I speak from my own experience) but, with this quit, if either of us ever did have a little 'set back' then I would hope we could just put it down to experience, get over it and just carry on again as usual.

    Today has actually been okay for me but I've been pretty busy and so haven't had a lot of time to think about smoking - of course I do have my new book :D to help me out (and it's certainly not about smoking). If you are reading this Haze I hope you are enjoying it - I think I must have led a very sheltered life - I'll say no more! ;)

    Well I wonder what tomorrow will bring?? I'm talking about my quit now.;)

    Hoping to hear from you soon Phil, starting to miss you now and beginning to worry that I might be talking to myself.:(

    Evie xx

  • Hi Evie :)

    so glad to see your still going strong Phil might be having probs getting online and im sure he wilbe back posting very soon

    reading is def a good way to distract and keep your mind occupied i find playing online games a good way to pass the time for me as well not just for the not smoking but because my health probs limits me to what im able to do

    i also make my own jewellary but can only manage to do that for a limited time before i have to rest :(

    the weather is horrible and depressing :mad: hope we get some dry days soon my friend is coming around to make a start on my jungle of a garden as all the weeds are in heaven with all the rain we have had and i want it sorting before my grandson comes to stay next week :) which im really looking forward to

    hope your day goes well

    take care

    Carol

  • Oh, Day 14 tomorrow??

    Thanks Carole, hope you had a good day.

    Today was not one of my better ones...............but I am okay.:)

    Still no sign of Phil either, it's looking like it's the end of our 'adventures together'......

    Evie x

  • Never say never Evie, might be many reasons Phil's not about right now. And give yourself a huge pat on the back for still being in the game.

    Love, Esso.

  • Evie - congrats and well done - nearly 2 weeks - you're staying strong through the rough days. :D Hope Phil checks in soon.

  • Just checking in again

    Thanks Esso and Shazza, I hope you've both had a good day.

    Well that's day 14 done and dusted without a slip-up.

    I always try to be a cheerful and upbeat sort of person but, what I am noticing is that, since I started this quit I am often finding myself feeling sad - I have no reason whatsoever to be feeling this way.

    I'm not referring to 'cravings', just a 'down' feeling that comes over me completely out of the blue. I'm only sharing these feelings on here because I'm sure that it is just another nicotine induced mind game sent along to test us quitters. It is so tiring trying to keep up a smiley front all the time.

    I am beginning to think that I actually might just be able to get used to this quit. If I could just FORGET about smoking I'd be fine ;) - I think that's going to take quite a long time though!

    Still I'll plod on, one day at a time, and try to keep in mind that saying about not trying to run until I can walk.

    Evie x

  • Thanks Esso and Shazza, I hope you've both had a good day.

    Well that's day 14 done and dusted without a slip-up.

    I always try to be a cheerful and upbeat sort of person but, what I am noticing is that, since I started this quit I am often finding myself feeling sad - I have no reason whatsoever to be feeling this way.

    I'm not referring to 'cravings', just a 'down' feeling that comes over me completely out of the blue. I'm only sharing these feelings on here because I'm sure that it is just another nicotine induced mind game sent along to test us quitters. It is so tiring trying to keep up a smiley front all the time.

    I am beginning to think that I actually might just be able to get used to this quit. If I could just FORGET about smoking I'd be fine ;) - I think that's going to take quite a long time though!

    Still I'll plod on, one day at a time, and try to keep in mind that saying about not trying to run until I can walk.

    Evie x

    Evie, you are so right, feeling sad is a symptom of quitting, BUT, it definitely goes away. You have done so brilliantly. You will find as the days weeks go on you will forget about smoking or at least will forget to want to smoke. I promise you that taking it one day at a time and remaining as determined as you are will see you through. Have a great Sunday!:)

  • Evie, I keep getting these sad feelings as well and I'm not used to them either. We just have to believe what we've been told by people who have been there and that they will pass.

  • Another one bites the dust

    :( Sorry folks but I'm afraid that's me! I make no excuses, it was just one of those situations when I was in the company of other smokers and had a 'What the heck, one won't hurt' moment. Of course one led to another.................

    It wasn't clever and I'm anything but proud of myself, I'm right back where I started and full of remorse now - too late though, the damage is done.

    I did intend to say nothing and just keep my head down but after all the help and support I've had from the good people of this forum and I just felt I should let you know why I'd stopped posting. I am sorry I've let you and myself down - what can I say, I've only got myself to blame!

    I will have another attempt at quitting, I REALLY would like to stop but sometimes I'm just so pathetically weak when faced with temptation. Everyone else can do it so I just don't know what's wrong with me.

    Thanks again for all your help and I will come back, probably when I've managed a week or so smokefree - you've already helped me moan my way through the past couple of weeks and now I've gone and done this!

    It looks like Phil has either lapsed or left the forum so if I do return I will start a new thread.

    Thanks again for all your help and "Sorry" again.

    Evie x

  • s'allright Doll. Just a tremendous shame.

    There'll come a time when you are ready. Never thought I would be.

  • Thanks Esso.

    I know that I'm the loser here but I have already resumed my quit.

    This time though I'm just going to try and get on without making a drama out of it, I know it's up to me to stick it out. I know I can do it if I really WANT to but I need to be sensible about quitting and think about what I'm doing and why.

    Anyway, for the time being I'm just going to 'read' on here and I will start posting this time next week when, hopefully, I will have managed to go for 7 days without smoking.

    To anyone else who's reading this "Don't drop your guard like I did because you'll only regret it, I know I did - stay strong".

    Evie x

  • Good for you. I did the same thing weeks ago and got right back on the horse. Make all the drama you want. It does help :-)

  • Massively sorry for you Evie, you were doing so well. BUT here you are having another go! Post and communicate when you are ready. Really loved the Evie and Phil thread.Take care. Hazel.xxx

  • Evie..... when I read your failed post my heart sank for you. I almost cant believe to now read that you are straight back up onto your quitting horse. So proud of you. So very very proud and pleased that you are trying again. Clearly you REALLY want to do this. Evie....you don't need anyone but yourself. Not Phil, not me, not anyone.....but we are here. We are all always here and dont you forget that.....and you come and make as much drama as you like if it helps. Good luck lass. Really good luck. x

  • Evie...I go away for a week and look what happens! Don't you worry one tiny bit..one day you'll crack it if you want to.

    I think 'wanting to' is the BIG secret...it can't be done as a trial, viz "I'll see if I can stop" That's never gonna be quite enough!!

    You came so far and should be proud of your effort and achievement.

    I'm gonna stay on course because I really am determined to beat this.

    The cravings have gone..I just get a couple of trigger situations occasionally which I get through with trusty mantras like "don't pay to kill myself" or "Why give Cancer it's best opportunity"....and the trigger has gone.

    I still take it a day at a time, constantly reminding myself about the health benefits and the finances but more than anything, reminding myself that I am a strong person who's habits and lifestyle should not be ruled by a stick of poison filled bleached paper.

    Try again, Evie...it's not beyond you....and anytime you want to message me, please do so. Come on girl!!

  • I knew this would happen!

    Hello Phil

    I wasn't going to post until next Thursday but I have been reading and saw your post.

    What can I say - you've read all about my 'transgression'.

    But, I'm still here and trying not to make the same stupid mistake again.

    It's good to have you back and well done for doing so well with your quit - I feel even more of a failure now.

    Never mind, onwards and upwards I hope.

    Evie x

  • ps

    Thankyou Dippy for your kind words, even though I don't deserve them.

    I really don't know why I let myself down as I was coping fine really - it was such a stupid and unnecessary thing to do.

    I don't intend to 'lapse' again though and, apart from coming on here to talk about it, I haven't thought about smoking at all today - let's hope I can keep it up this time.

    And, to make me feel even worse, Phil's come back and he's still going strong - oh dear, I feel more useless than ever now :rolleyes: and just want to crawl under the nearest stone and hide away.:)

    Initially, I did think about saying nothing and just carrying on as if nothing had happened but I felt I had to 'own up' - I'm beginning to wish I'd just kept quiet now but at least I'm honest even if I am hopeless.:o

    Anyway, that's enough of my self pity and beating myself up!

    I'm trying again and I will win this battle with the weed if it's the last thing I do.

    Thankyou again

    Evie x

  • Peer group pressure is always the hardest factor to face in a trigger situation. Its often the reason a lot of us started in the first place; certainly was me - egged on by elder sister and her mates, who at the time probably just saw it as a laugh.

    Whatever Evie, if you feel up for it, have a go!

    Great to see you back. Take a deep breath and stick with your mates. We're gonna do this shit!

  • I'm so glad you two are back together again. I missed following your story :-)

  • Business as usual

    Well it's business as usual and, as far as the quit front goes, today has been a good one for me.

    I'm not sure if it's because of all the help and encouragement I've had from my friends on this forum, or whether its the fact that Phil has not abandoned me after all, or even if it was those 3 illicit cigarettes I shouldn't have smoked, I don't know, but what I do know is that I am now feeling confident that I can deal with any of the challenges that this quit might throw at me.

    I am counting today as 'day 2' even though it's probably 'day 4', but I'm not really too bothered about the exact number, I'm just going to concentrate on managing my life without punctuating it with smoking anymore.

    I've done quite a bit of reading on here over the past few days and I have found it really helpful - it has certainly given me a new perspective to the whole business and made me realise that quitting is only as hard as we allow it to be.

    Phil, I'm so glad you are back, it's just a shame I'm straggling along behind you now. ;)

    I am now looking forward to the luxury of a lazy Friday evening, just relaxing in front of the tv and watching the Opening Olympic Ceremony.:)

    Evie x

  • Welcome back!

    I am so happy you are back and back for good! as take that would say. You have done the right thing getting straight back on your quit. You have done so well and those days you were quit are not wasted because you have learned so much from them and you also got used to no nicotine in your system so it is all good. This thread has been brill I have loved watching you and Phil go together along the quit road. Welcome back Evie and well done!:)

  • Welcome back Evie, with your self-honesty you stand a great chance to say the least! Enough beating yourself up now; this is the hardest habit to kick apparently, with a higher relapse rate than other much worse stuff, (or so I read a long time ago!) you can only do your best and I bet no-one on this forum thought badly of you for it, we all just want each other to succeed! :) Enjoy the Opening Ceremony, I've got it on in the background....

  • Welcome back Evie, with your self-honesty you stand a great chance to say the least! Enough beating yourself up now; this is the hardest habit to kick apparently, with a higher relapse rate than other much worse stuff, (or so I read a long time ago!) you can only do your best and I bet no-one on this forum thought badly of you for it, we all just want each other to succeed! :) Enjoy the Opening Ceremony, I've got it on in the background....

    hear hear!

  • Quick update

    Day 7 of my restarted quit.........

    I'm feeling much more confident that I will do it this time and I'm starting to think of myself as a non-smoker, or perhaps I should be saying 'ex-smoker'.

    It doesn't really matter so long as I don't smoke again.

    I have been doing quite a bit of reading on here over the past few days and this has also seemed to strengthen my resolve to kick smoking into touch once and for all.

    There are so many good posts that have really given me food for thought, one in particular that for me sums up the whole process of quitting was written by Hellesbelles, I think on the 454th day of her quit - an excellent post.

    Well it's onwards and upwards, I'm hoping that the next 7 days will be as manageable as the the past 7 have but I'm still on my guard for any tricks of the mind that this quit might throw at me.

    Evie x

  • It really is shocking how the addiction plays on your mind....

    I can say with great authority - " Yes, I'm having a shit day - but it would still be a shit day even if i had a fag in my hand"

    I can say it

    I can know it to be true

    but still something at the back of my brain crawls up and whispers "You know it would help if you had JUST ONE....even just ONE PUFF would help you feel better"

    It is after all an addiction.

    It is not easy to beat but it can be done.... Well done on restarting your quit Evie.

    This time will be THE time! :)

  • Way to go Evie - so glad that you're back on the wagon.

    Best foot forward, you can do this!

    Helen x

  • Well done Evie, it's good to have you back.

  • Day 10 again............

    Back to day 10 again and I think things are finally starting to go well.

    I never thought I would say it but I'm actually starting to enjoy this quit, probably because I'm no longer thinking of it as something negative and impossible to do. I admit that I did find it strange in the beginning when I couldn't just automatically light up a cigarette after a meal or with a coffee and I think I made things even harder for myself by feeling that I was denying myself something I enjoyed and needed.

    Now that I've broken the smoking cycle I've discovered that it was just a habit that I'd become addicted to and I can still enjoy all the things that I associated with smoking without doing it.

    I know it's still early days, I've already had one failure (note I said 'failure' Phil and not 'mistake':rolleyes:) but that wasn't because of cravings - it was just weakness on my part, you know one of those times when we just feel how nice it would be to have just one - I had to have three!!

    I'm not having any cravings now but I do still occasionally get thoughts out of the blue reminding me of how nice it would be to be able to smoke again - I guess that's just how any kind of recovering addict must feel and I'm not sure if these thoughts will ever completely disappear, I do hope so.

    What I am starting to notice is the significant improvement in my general well-being and that my attitude to quitting seems to have changed. Although I am more committed than ever to succeeding I now seem to have adopted a more relaxed feeing about the whole procedure - maybe this is why I am finding it easier to manage.

    I'm noticing that I now have loads more energy, in fact this morning I woke up early to a beautiful sunny morning so I took myself off for amost an hour's run (more a gentle jog really;)) along the beach where I live. It was only 6.45 and I have not done this for ages but I really enjoyed it. If I had attempted this before I stopped smoking I would have probably ended up having to constantly stop and clear my chest and I know I wouldn't have got as far as I did this morning. I feel as if all my senses have improved, I know my sense of taste certainly has.

    I'm starting to rediscover life without cigarettes and I've realised that it's a good feeling.

    Evie x

  • :D

    Wow thats a great post to read

    Im so glad your doing so well Evie :)

    You are def in the right mindset

    Staying positive is the way forward

    Keep it up

    :)

  • Well done Evie

    Sounds like you have had a lovely day Evie. I am so pleased for you. I am also very pleased that you got straight back on your quit again.

    So you live near enough to a beach to go for a morning jog? That must be great.

    Hope tommorow is as good as today for you. I hope we hear from Phil soon too, I would love to know how he is getting on too. Have a lovely Saturday night Evie and well done again.:)

  • Still counting the days........

    Although I'm trying very hard not to, I'm still counting the days - I will be starting number 15 (again) tomorrow.

    I think I'm finally starting to adjust to my new smokefree life and I feel so much better for it.

    The 'cravings' that I experienced at the start of my quit, way back in July, seem to have disappeared and it's just now and again that nagging thoughts of smoking come along when I'm least expecting them.

    Just exactly what triggers them I don't know but I'm able to dismiss them without too much trouble now and I'm determined not to use them as an excuse to fail as I did before.

    Sometimes on a good day, when I have no reminders of my old habit, I find it hard to believe just how dependent on cigarettes I actually used to be - I always had to have a spare pack just in case I ran out!

    I'm discovering that the benefits of quitting, both physically and mentally, are too numerous to mention and the feeling of achievement I'm experiencing is unbelievable.

    Occasionally I do feel guilty for feeling like this when the 'achievement' I'm referring to is just because I've finally decided that the time has come for me to to give up a nasty habit that my own common sense should have prevented me from starting in the first place. None the less, it has taken some sheer grit and determination on my part and now that I've come this far I've no intentions of falling into the smoking trap again.

    Onwards and upwards.

    Evie x

  • Wow :) loving your positive spirit Evie

    thats the only way you can achieve your goal

    obvioulsy your still going to have triggers smoking has been a big part of your life but as long as you just ignore them then they will get weaker and weaker over time

    but

    dont get too complacent as that nasty demon will get more sneakier and try and tempt you back :eek:

    psssst

    i know a secret that nasty ciggie demon dont want me to share :p

    because even though it will send you thoughts like

    one wont hurt or even

    if your upset or stressed in anyway

    it will tell you that smoking will help :eek:

    as long as you ignore whatever that pesky demon has to say then you will win through

    waking up each morning and saying out loud

    i will not smoke today

    will reaffirm and help keep you motivated

    onwards and upwards indeed is the way to go

    Carol x

  • Quick update

    Just having a coffee break so using the opportunity to post a quick update.

    Thanks for your reply Carol, I do value your support and good advice and I hope I didn't come across as being too complacent. I can assure you that I know I've still got a long way to go but I am finding it easier since re-examining my approach to how I deal with my quit mission.

    I've been thinking about most of the people I know, 99% of them have never even dreamt about smoking let alone put a cigarette to their lips and yet they're all managing to lead perfectly normal lives while I've always felt that something would be missing in mine without my cigarettes.

    Another thing that made me think very seriously about my attitude was something I wrote on this thread a while back about feeling sad because of my quit. I can't deny that there have been times when I have allowed myself to feel like this as I pined and reminisced fondly about my old habit. I think that the realisation of what I had written was one of the things that made me start to see things differently and begin to put this whole thing into perspective. I questioned myself as to WHY I should be feeling like this, noone had died and there was no serious problem in my life that was affecting me. I know we've all been touched by sadness in our lives as a result of bereavement or tragedy and for me to equate my miserable quit feelings of self pity with these situations made me feel ashamed of myself.

    I know I've just got to get on with it, it's something I want to do. I know I won't succeed if I think of quitting as a major challenge, that is why I'm determined to stay positive and cheerful. At the moment it feels like a double edged sword - at one end I'm feeling strong and determined but at the other end are those 'smoking demons' waiting for an opportunity to make me fail.

    I know I can do this and I don't intend to allow myself to slip back into my old habit after coming this far, it's just not worth it.

    I keep thinking about how nice it will be next winter not to have to go out into my back garden on my own, often in rain and snow, just to puff away on a cigarette - there's absolutely no way I'm doing that again!

    Evie x

  • Its good to question and relook at your reasons for quitting but dont be so hard on yourself

    at the end of the day smoking was part of your life for along time you never done anything without either having a ciggie while doing it or one before or after

    and to a degree it is like a death in your life as now you have to relearn to do everything again without automatically smoking or even thinking about it

    i didnt mean to infer that your complacement now i was just reminding you not to get that way

    your smoking mind is very sly and tricky and will use any excuse it can to try and tempt you back

    you just have to remember that you choose not to smoke anymore

    and saying that every day just helps to remind your smoking mind of that fact

    :) x

  • Thanks Carol and I do agree with everything you say. Trying to adjust to life as an ex-smoker is not without its difficulties as I'm finding out but I am learning how to overcome them it is getting easier.

    I know that if I were to placed in a situation where it was impossible to obtain cigarettes that I would just accept it without question, I would have no choice and so there would be no point in worrying about something I had no control over. I think we would all feel the same, the difficult part about trying to quit for most of us, and definitely me, is knowing that the opportunity to feed our addiction is still readily available and just sitting on the shelf waiting for us.

    The cost of smoking should be more than enough to make us think twice and I would not dare trying to calculate how much the habit has cost me - I know it would run into thousands of pounds that have all gone up in smoke. But, I did used to 'enjoy' it so I can't make any excuse. The funny thing is that if asked what it was that I actually used to enjoy I can't really think of any valid answers other than 'it had just become a habit'.

    I'm not being hard on myself, just realistic about how I need to deal with a situation I have created for myself. Thinking about the negative aspects of smoking seems to have given me the motivation to do something about it at long last so it seems to be working.

    Honestly, I don't mean to make these posts sound so serious.

    It's taken me a long time to face this challenge head on and now that I think I've got the hang of it I'm not going to let go.

    Evie x

  • Here we go again.......

    Well it's day 16 again and I don't know what's wrong with me - it was about this time 1st time round when I gave in........

    I've been coping really well and beginning to think I was in charge of my quit this time but today, well tonight, has been sooo hard.

    I've just got back from a lovely evening out, haven't had too much alcohol so I can't blame that, so where have these smoking thoughts that have been tormenting me all night come from. Right now I feel as if I could fight with my shadow!!

    To make matters even worse, I've just been out the back giving my, almost dried up and dead, hanging baskets a drink (I meant to do it before I went out but forgot) and my neighbour and a couple of his friends were sitting in his garden enjoying a quiet drink and smoke. Talk about rubbing salt in the wounds!!

    I know I don't REALLY want to smoke and I also know that when I wake up in the morning I'll be glad I didn't but at the moment I certainly don't feel in control - I would give anything for a cigarette and that's the truth!!

    I've just had a cup of tea that I know I would have enjoyed much more it I'd been sat out in the garden with a cigarette in my hand and I might as well just go to bed now because I can't seem to concentrate on anything other than the fact that I want a cigarette.

    I'm sure I'll feel better tomorrow, I hope so because at this moment in time I think I must be going mad.:(

    Evie

  • Go to bed Evie. When you feel as bad as this its the best thing. Go to bed and put a close on the day. You WILL feel better in the morning. I'm sure of it. Remember Evie.....day 16 is wonderful but its still such early days. Better days are coming. I really hope you ride it out. You were so upset when your first quit failed. Stick at it girl. It isnt always going to feel like this. I promise.

  • Still here, thankyou Dippy for your reply - it's comforting to know that I'm not talking to myselfso thanks for listening to me.

    You're right, I'm no use to anyone at the moment but I really have been doing so well.

    At least I haven't smoked, that's the main thing I suppose and I really do think smoking is an awful habit. I just wish I didn't want to do it though.:confused:

    Evie x

  • Hope you made it through to morning Evie....and look.....the sun is shining.

    Don't know about you.....but the minute Tesco opens at 10 i'm swinging up on my bike and stuffing my panniers full of burgers, baps, sausage, salad, dips...etc etc etc. Barbeque here we come. Hooray. :)

    Its awful in the early days feeling that you want to smoke Evie. But you know......the reason you are still winning this.....even if only just.......is because you actually feel that you DONT want to smoke, a little bit more than you feel that you do. My advise for what its worth is to accept that you feel like you want to smoke. Accept that that feeling isnt comfortable. Accept that and let it be. Dont fight it. It wont be long till the desire to NOT smoke gets much more of the upper hand. If this was easy us lot wouldnt be on here shouting from the rooftops everytime we reach another milestone.....and making sure we try to help people like you make it to your next one. Your next one, by the way, is TODAY. YOu made it, I hope, to today....and won over a horribly challenging day. Spark up the barbi and celebrate. :D

  • Panic Over

    Sunday morning and I seem to have recovered from the nicotine nightmare I had last night, feeling much calmer this morning thank goodenss.

    I didn't see that one coming at all but I think I've managed to survive without completely losing my sanity - that really was a close call and it was a good job there was nothing to smoke in the house.

    You're right again Dippy, I will just have to take this one day at a time and accept that there are probably going to be a few more tricky moments ahead for me.

    I was so worked up last night just because of a fancy for a smoke! Well, if I can get through that I think I should be able to get through anything else that this quit throws at me - I'm not giving in this time.:o

    Evie x

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