Right so - I teach in an international school in Africa. Literally everyone smokes, except for my Muslim boyfriend who obviously would prefer that I didn't. He is a dear and tries not to make a deal out of it. He is also a doctor. Yesterday I became ill and we did the usual tests for malaria and typhoid. Unfortunately, I did not have any crazy ass African disease - I simply had a pneumonia. (which I had a few years ago in Ireland and almost died from it). So why am I still smoking (at least until yesterday?) I don't know but this morning I got up and went down to work (walked down stairs from my apartment) and was told to walk back up. My boss and bossy friend (same person) refused to let me walk outside the school gates to get a pack of cigs. She escorted me to the stairs and watched me climb. I slept most of the morning and now I am awake, having craving after craving for the cigarettes. The thing is, I don't really have enough energy to walk back down the stairs in 45 degree heat to go out on the street, practicing my arabic to get cigs. Nobody will get them for me and I feel and realise that I sound like a completely crazy person. I mean seriously! So it is halfway through the day and the thought has occurred to me that this might be a good thing that I have accidentally quit. The funny thing is - I was going to quit this weekend when I am flying back home to Ireland. Less people smoke there and I will have 15 hours on a plane to get through withdrawal. I hate the fact that I feel like my will has been taken from me, so I am rebelling. Oh - I am not sure whether I am making any sense at all ..............................If you can make sense of anything I have said, please let me know!