Okay, so it's all hit the fan tonight in my house. I have been profoundly depressed all weekend (my part-time boyfriend went home early because he couldn't cope with my weeping) and I cannot deal with this any more. I have been crying, almost suicidal, on and off for two days. I cannot function any more. My kids (i have 3 at home at the mo and they are 17, 19 and 21) are begging me not to smoke again but I feel like telling them to f**k off. I haven't had a fag for 7 weeks and have been using patches. I stopped the patches on Friday and now all this. I feel like I can only do this if I have a break from work, family etc, but that isn't possible is it? Life goes on. And on. I have an important funding bid to do at work and have been unable to complete it (someone's job depends on it) - how can I carry on not smoking and get this person's funding???? I feel like complete and utter pants, my kids are trying to help by suggesting going out for walks etc but I just want a fag. I cannot describe how shit I feel, my nose is completely blocked from crying so much and tomoroow I am going to buy some baccy and have a fag. I just want to feel 'normal' again.
desperate...: Okay, so it's all hit the fan... - No Smoking Day
desperate...
Sorry to see it's got you in such a state poppyseed. Did you wean yourself off the patches or did you stop a higher dose right off. If so do you have any patches left? Maybe you could cut them in half if you do and gradually come off them like that. Well done for lasting seven weeks, don't lose all that time, you'll only have to go through it again. David
Would it not be better to start up again with a very low dose of patch than buy some baccy tomorrow and cave?
I'm sorry your feeling so shite but what your going through right now could well be the crappiest time you'll have of things .... it could well be up hill from here on now 
Don't throw your quit away ... go back on patches or maybe go with the idea that this is as shit as it can get and if you get thru today/tomorrow then this has been the making of your quit ... not the breaking of it
Really hope things pick up for you, very soon.
thanks
I've put a patch on, was down to the 5mg ones anyway but i'm getting
allergic reations to them (I didn't with the stronger ones), I've also had some tokes on an electric ciggy that i forgot i had - i still feel ill with depression, however, and am wondering if I should sort my head out before stopping smoking??? (I know, I know, it all sounds like excuses...)
So sorry you are having such a crappy time Poppyseed. If you do buy that baccy and you do smoke, what will be different apart from smoking. I, too, have had a crappy weekend, best place for me was locked in my room. I am hoping tomorrow is going to be better. I am not going to patronise you, I am not in your shoes, I hope you find the strength to stay a quit....(((((((hugs))))))))
Patches are better than smoking all day long.
If necessary, go and get some larger patches again tomorrow.
You could try the spray or maybe the lozenges, anything but smoke.
It is tough, there's no denying it, but the rewards are great and it can be done as the 1 year + section of this forum proves.
Your kids are at you because they love you and they want to be able to tell you they love you for as many years as possible. That would be enough motivation for me.
Keep strong poppyseed, you may not think so now but in the future it will have been all worth it.
but...
...how can i get the funding bid done that will secure someone's job? I cannot concentrate....I need to do this, I am really worrying about it, i am thinking i am pathetic because i have always done them with fags (which i 'pretended' help me think and concentrate)...someone might lose their job because i am too pathetic to do my job without the help of fags...
Poppyseed, do the fags do the funding application or do you?
You do! You can do it and nobody will lose their job because you are good at what you do.
Go out tomorrow and get some more big patches again if they worked and wait until there is a less stressful time to try without them.
Oh poppyseed sending you a big hug...really feeling your distress...you maybe withdrawing from the patches that can take a good three days... keep putting them on and try coming off them slowly.....please try and keep strong you have done so well...xxx
Your addict brain is trying to convince you to smoke...and it's doing a pretty good job of it. Don't use life stresses as an excuse for you to smoke. Life will always be stressful...that's just life. At some point you are going to have to learn to cope with what life throws at you without a cigarette...or not as the case might be and you will most likely die early from smoking. Sorry to be harsh but my mind and body used to try this shit on all the time and I always used to cave in, fail my quit and smoke. Keep strong, you won't feel like this forever. I used to think smoking helped me concentrate but actually it does the complete opposite as I always needed to make sure I had enough fags to last me. Also, where would I be able to smoke at work as it's now a non-smoking area etc. I don't have to worry about that crap anymore and life is actually less stressful in a lot of ways.
Anyway, good luck, you can do this.
Lisa x
If we wish to smoke we will always find excuses to fulfil those wishes.
That's just the way it is.
Smoking never changed anything and our most recent smoke is just as wretched as our first.
All that changed was our perception of smoking.
...how can i get the funding bid done that will secure someone's job? I cannot concentrate....I need to do this, I am really worrying about it, i am thinking i am pathetic because i have always done them with fags (which i 'pretended' help me think and concentrate)...someone might lose their job because i am too pathetic to do my job without the help of fags...
Smoking will not change a thing, it will just make you feel worse. I second Lisa42's advice.
Sorry Poppyseed but im actually at that stage had one fag i know how your feeling because im also their too. I dont think people can accept how we feel we are all individuals and all react in different ways to a quit. Some of us are good at it and a majority of us cannot cope with stress and i am one of them so dont beat yourself up over it. You do whatever makes you feel ok. Their is always another day or week or month when you can quit again. Just because peeps say stick another patch on dont do that if your depression gets the better of you what peeps have to understand is do they know what bi polar is and how a majority of peeps actually suffer with depression. We have to be totally focused to quit. Hope this helps you. Take care. Your not alone. Jacqui
Sorry Poppyseed but im actually at that stage had one fag i know how your feeling because im also their too. I dont think people can accept how we feel we are all individuals and all react in different ways to a quit. Some of us are good at it and a majority of us cannot cope with stress and i am one of them so dont beat yourself up over it. You do whatever makes you feel ok. Their is always another day or week or month when you can quit again. Just because peeps say stick another patch on dont do that if your depression gets the better of you what peeps have to understand is do they know what bi polar is and how a majority of peeps actually suffer with depression. We have to be totally focused to quit. Hope this helps you. Take care. Your not alone. Jacqui
GRRR:mad: just because YOU slipped up does not negate all the previous USEFUL suggestions that have been made to Poppy. I also don't believe bi-polar was ever mentioned and even if it was Nicotine is not a recognised treatment for it. I am qualified to make this statement. Lots of us feel down when we give up, this does not necessarily mean that it is a clinical depression (Unless the person is taking Champix, where there is a risk of depression and this case they should discuss with their GP), it has been suggested that quitting smoking is like going through a grieving process.
I'm really sorry that you had a blip but I think you should take your guilt elsewhere.
Poppyseed: get back on the wagon you can do it xxxx
Hey Poppyseed, I've been reading through your thread, how did today go? Have you made it through smoke-free?
Keep positive
Sara
DotDot
I think you should realise that Jacqui was in no way trying negate any of the positive postings just venting her feelings and I for one hope that both Jacqui and Poppyseed are well.
As you rightly say giving up smoking is for some like a grieving process and affects everyone differently, season changes are my biggest trigger right now.
Keep positive
Sorry but I've actually just gone through another bout of depression. I've been diagnosed with clinical depression quite a few times since I first had it at 16. I dunno whether this time round it was triggered cos I gave up the fags or not. I'll never know and honestly do not care, I just know I have to deal with it and not smoke!!!!! I just tried and tried to cope with not smoking whilst being depressed...I eventually saw the light at the end of the tunnel and got through it. I've also given up on the pills they offer you if you're depressed (for some it works and I think if you try and persevere and find the right tablet for you then they do help....I just couldn't be bothered pissing about and trying to find the right one as those pills have some nasty side effects!). Anyways, luckily I've only had very extreme depression the one time and eventually over a period of months my mood does tend to uplift. I'm not saying don't go to the docs, I'm just saying that the pills don't really do it for me. All I'm trying to say is that if depression is a recurring thing in your life...sooner or later you are gonna have to deal with depression whilst giving up cigarettes, whether you like it or not. It may not be other peoples time to give up the fags and they need to get to that point where nothing...not even depression will make you reach for the fags. Trust me I've failed in my quit many times due to bad times, depression etc....you just have to be wary that your mind doesn't try to make these things an excuse for you to smoke. My addict brain has also done this to me many times as well. I've argued with my OH to justify a cigarette too.
An addicts brain is complex as is someone who is depressed...the two together makes it hard to quit but not impossible. I would just try and be truthful with yourself.....if you're being a cow to justify walking out in a huff and buying some fags in the shop, or crying so your OH will buy them for you....then recognise that for what it is, throwing your toys out of the pram. Obviously, if you're going loopy, feel detached and feel like your reality is falling away from you then maybe try quitting when you feel more stable. Only you can determine what is really going on. Just don't let the nicodemon fool you into smoking, is all I'm saying.
Good luck, hope everyone's life get's a bit better.
lisa x
smoking and depression go hand in hand and we tend to link the two with a very strong connection
i remember in my bad bouts of depression and who helped me through my trusty fag whilst sat on the doorstep but now i see smoking for what it is was it my trusty fag that got me through NO OF COURSE IT WASNT IT WAS ME . i got through those tough times i just thought the fags helped me but they didnt infact they made me worse
since quitting and getting over the initial hard times and mood swings my depression has not returned you can read on the internet it doesnt help depression one bit
and nearly everyone i know who suffers depression smokes
as for your work you need to do, you can do it without smoking i returned to work after my maternity and was absolutely dreading it as i had never done my job without smoking, but i did do it and it wasnt half as bad as i thought it would be and because i beat that trigger that trigger got weak and no longer exsists
thats all this is for you is a trigger you have to beat
lisa42 is right your addict brain is trying to convince you to smoke its getting proper scared that you are getting stronger so it is battling you with everything it has, dont let it beat you
boo
phew...
...well, I did it, the work, smoke-free....
DotDot, say "sorry" to Fleetwood for being so harsh... I know EXACTLY where she's coming from and it's always good to know you're not alone.
Lisa - "[I I would just try and be truthful with yourself.....if you're being a cow to justify walking out in a huff and buying some fags in the shop, or crying so your OH will buy them for you....then recognise that for what it is, throwing your toys out of the pram. Obviously, if you're going loopy, feel detached and feel like your reality is falling away from you then maybe try quitting when you feel more stable. Only you can determine what is really going on. Just don't let the nicodemon fool you into smoking, is all I'm saying"
the above is so so true . . .
NO!
I'm chuffed to bits for you that you got through it and if you listened fleetwood you'd have had a smoke because she was giving you 'permission' to do so.
We ALL find it tough in one way or another, this forum is about supporting people through that WITHOUT smoking.
Well done!
Good work Poppy,
My own concentration for work has been abonimable since quitting but I know from past experience that it gets better with time.
You have shown strength .. fantastic achievement in the face of adversity. X
...well, I did it, the work, smoke-free....
Great news poppyseed :cool:
Someone has already mentioned above about life being shit at times, whether smoking or otherwise. There are levels of stress/depression that previously appeared in my 31 years smoking...still are levels noticeable over my 4 year plus years on this part of the journey but not to the same degree...and you know, that's okay cos that's what non smokers experience too.
Keep on keepin' on, poppyseed
Glad you got through it poppyseed....hopefully as you bash through these craves things will get easier. Now you know you can do it...you can keep on doing it until slowly you realise, it's all become easy peasy.
Really happy for you that you didn't smoke.
xxx
Fleetwood, on a site devoted to stopping smoking, your advice to someone mid-crave is to have a fag? Super helpful.
Cigarettes are the cause of this, not the cure.
Knew you could do it Poppy, big pat on the back for you
I think Poppy should get the quitter of the day award
Well done Poppy..xxx
I hope you feel really bloody proud of yourself. You did something good there. MAHOOSIVE congratulations.
Keep doing it, every time you break these associations it gets easier to do it the next time.
Yay you!!!
H
hmmmm
actually, hellesbelles, I'm not feeling that proud. In fact I'm terrified of coming off the patches again if that's how bad it is! I only stopped because I am reacting to them and am fed up with itchy lumpy red squares all over my legs... I have a week's supply left and then...oh no :eek: ...oh well, at least I know what to expect next time and I can't wait. Not.
Hi poppy....Cut a small piece off your patch, then every day make the small piece slightly bigger.... Have read that on here somewhere...and am doing it myself as have got to go from the 14 patches to the 7 and think its a great way to get there..xx
There's possibly a few things that you could consider that may ease the issue.
Firstly, some of the previous patch users have tried cutting their patches in half, and smaller, thus reducing the amount of nicotine getting into their system. I've only read positive comments from those that tried it.
Edit: Toyah has just mentioned this 
What about using some other form of NRT? The mini's seem fairly popular and the possible beauty of them is that you could have them for 'emergency' situations whilst mainly 'flying solo'.
You could also consider reading, or re-reading, Carr's Easy Way. That could help to give you a easier perspective about the crutch that smoking isn't.
Even if you don't wish to consider any of the above then it would good that you don't move through this week in trepidation of what's to come when your patches stop. That would be such a handicap and typical psychological stumbling block that nicotine erroneously suggests it eases. It doesn't. It didn't for far too many folk going through this forum and you are not the exception to the rule.
Edit: Toyah has just mentioned this
even if you don't wish to consider any of the above then it would good that you don't move through this week in trepidation of what's to come when your patches stop. That would be such a handicap and typical psychological stumbling block that nicotine erroneously suggests it eases. It doesn't. It didn't for far too many folk going through this forum and you are not the exception to the rule.
Thats what I was doing worrying about coming off the patches so I devised a plan to help me and stop the worrying...I will gradually cut increasing bits off my 14 patches then will do the same with the 7 until nothing then I expect 3 days of withdrawal but not so bad as I have decreased the nicotine slowly..I will use my inhalator if it gets to bad but hopefully not cause i want to be nicotine free...I will do this over a course of about 6wks...think it helps with the mind set when you have a plan.
Thats what I was doing worrying about coming off the patches so I devised a plan to help me and stop the worrying...I will gradually cut increasing bits off my 14 patches then will do the same with the 7 until nothing then I expect 3 days of withdrawal but not so bad as I have decreased the nicotine slowly..I will use my inhalator if it gets to bad but hopefully not cause i want to be nicotine free...I will do this over a course of about 6wks...think it helps with the mind set when you have a plan.
Now that sounds very sensible, surely all your hinges are well oiled?
Now that sounds very sensible, surely all your hinges are well oiled?
Pmsl..Dotdot they sure are..well sometimes..I got my very cunning plan from my friends Baldrick and Drop Dead Fred xx
cunning plan hehe
Okay, will do that, the 'scissors meet patches' thing. I didn't notice AT ALL when I went from 21 to 14, and then again from 14 to 5. It was easy. But 5 to none? Bloody hell. Nightmare. So my little patches are going to be turned into tiny patches......goodo
Well done Poppy..just keep something as a back up but try not to use it unless you desperate..
