Feeling crappy

Hey all,

Well I am still quit, but in the midst of a bit of a health scare, with no outcome as yet. An abnormality was noted during labs at uni last week, so I followed up with a routine appointment where the optician noted the same issue, so I am off to see the spe******ts next week. What was detected is a syndrome, that I need confirmed first, after that if it is confirmed, they will start looking for the cause. I did the stupid move - I looked online, and now I am terrified - the most common cause is apical lung cancer, and often seen in smokers. Now I keep kicking myself that I gave up too late and have screwed myself - and for all I know I do not even have the condition!

I think I will be self medicating with alcohol to get through to next Tuesday :(

18 Replies

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  • The worse thing to do is to google illness and signs online,normally each site says something different and your mind goes into overdrive thinking alsorts.Try not to worry,put it to the back of your mind until you get your results x x

  • So unfortunately, today it was confirmed that I have a problem with my sympathetic nerves to my left side of my face and eye. I am now being booked in for numerous MRI's and CT scans to try and determine what is damaging these nerves. The likely culprits are an undiagnosed stroke, an aneurysm or a tumour, none of which fills me with joy :(

    Have been feeling progressively worse this last few weeks, tired, my left arm goes between pain and numbness and just generally still feel bad. Not sure how much is psychosomatic though.

    As I am in the US medical insurance plays a role in how things progress (and you know it is not a good diagnosis when the dr. starts off with "how good is your insurance?"!). Dr. is sending of requests for CT and MRI today, so hopefully should be able to get them sorted fairly quickly.

    To be honest, I am not sure which of the things it could be I would rather it was. Supposed to be studying for an exam in the morning and all I want is a beer, a cig and a cry

  • Genes, really sorry to hear your news.

    At least you and they are now aware of what the problem is and are now working towards treating it.

    Have the beer, have the cry but leave the fags alone.

    You are 52 days into a quit and you know that having a smoke will not make you feel better.

    Whilst it's tough, keep control over the parts of your life that you can at present - one of those is not smoking.

    Good luck :)

  • Thank you, I know I should be calm, just feeling a bit overwhelmed right now. Thank you once again

  • Hang in there, PLEASE!!! I will pray for you that everything turns out ok. Smoking will not make it any better, neither will drinking. One leads to the other.

    I had breast cancer 11 years ago. When I was diagnosed I googled it and found out alot of information. I then took that information to my Doctor and discussed with her my options. Due to MY due dilligence I went outside the box and did not have chemo. Other options where available and they worked for me. But, I waited until I could put a name to my nightmare. And I looked on websites like Mayo clinic, Cancer center of America.

    What I am saying is you need to be pro-active in your own care, don't just blindly trust your DR to know what is best for you. Work with them to get the treatment that works for you.

    One thing I learned durning my cancer days, stress causes your body to break down faster and you just get worse, and drinking does not help. I can undestand you reaching for a beer but don't take it to the extreme. If you need some one to talk to feel free to PM me anytime...ppat

  • Hello Genes, looked out for you yesterday but you didn't post.

    Are you ok?

    Looks like ppat could be a good sounding board for you.

    Let us know you're ok :)

    Gary

  • Thanks Guys,

    I am ok, had a bit of a cry with the nurse practitioner who is practical training us at nursing school yesterday and have begun to feel the resolve and determination build.

    I am training as a nurse una-g. Not sure if this is a good or bad thing. Seems Syndrome is extremely rare, but fortunately for me one of the spe******ts is here at the Cleveland Clinic. Only been a handful of cases documented that spontaneously appear in adults, so not much information available.

    My OH is obviously stressed to as very snappy. I have never had anything wrong with me, so I think it is the first time he is facing it all. Weirdly I am trying to be strong for him.

    CUrrently I am waiting to get the head/neck/chest MRI and CT scans so we can try and see what, if anything is causing the nerve damage.

    Will keep you updated, but no real desire to smoke currently, although I did tell my OH if I am diagnosed with terminal something I will smoke, I will not be able NOT to!

  • Try and stay positive Genes :D

    Don't be a stranger on the forum, sometimes it's good to vent and share with people you're not close to.

    I have you and your family in my thoughts and prayers :)

  • I am hoping and praying for you!! If you need a sounding board we are ALL here for you!! ppat

  • Hello everyone,

    Sorry I have been laying low, not feeling too great at the moment. Not only is my left eye acting the fool, but my left arm, shoulder, neck too. Have had neck issues in the past, so wondering if that is the root cause of everything?

    Well, the arm thing made typing hard, so had to save my typing up for uni work! Arm actually not too bad today though, so thought I would pop in and say thank you for all the kind words, it means a lot to me.

    I have a busy week, had an exam today, have a paper due in Thursday and an exam on Friday, so been fairly stressed about all of that. Have all my MRI's scheduled now for Sunday, so hopefully will know what is wrong soon after that. The MRI's will take 3-4 hours because they need a lot and they are complex (apparently) so glad they can do it on Sunday as was not sure how I would fit it in! Now just playing phone tag with insurance, who I am sure will give me merry hell as I moved onto this insurance in January, so sure they will not like the $20K MRI bill :confused:

    Have been through it emotionally, I actually tried to break up with my OH over the weekend, but he has told me he will not even discuss it with me until we know my health issues, and he wants to wait until my spring break week as he thinks emotionally I am beat up and scared and lashing out, and there may be more than a glimmer of truth to that.

    Fortunately, cigs have not entered my mind again since the initial phase, and my asthma is showing its head this week (why not eh, *mutters something about kicking horses while they are down*) which at least makes me not want to smoke, plus I cannot seem to stay awake for a whole day so sleeping works as cig avoidance!

    Thank you all once again

  • This too will pass

    Hi It's in the genes. Good to hear from you.

    With your assessment at Uni can't you ask for an extension & or special consideration? It seems as though you've got so much going on & I'm sure you'd satisfy the criteria for it.

    So glad you didn't think of cigarettes.

    All the best for your hectic week.

  • hi nonico,

    I probably could ask for an extension, but I think that would only stress me out more! I am in an accelerated program, so we cover a semester in 8 weeks, basically doing 2 semesters per one actual semester. Because of this, I finish my first set of courses on March 9th, so not a lot of wriggle room!

    I want to, no matter what, get through these first courses and want to get a diagnosis, if any, before I start the second set. Then, in the worse case scenario I will drop out and start again next year, but can start later as will have the first class set done!

    Will wait and see, but doing well in the first courses and so don't want to lose those grades!

  • I am still praying for you and I also have fingers, toes and eye balls crossed for you!!!

    It sounds like even thou you are going through one heck of alot of stuff you are still staying strong. Also sounds like you have a keeper of a boyfriend.

    If you need to talk we are all here for you. In the meantime just hang in there and keep doing what you are doing. Don't stress about what you don't know yet, I am hoping it all turns out well. ppat

  • Keep strong Genes :)

    Try not to push away loved ones, you can tell from his reaction how much he cares for you and is willing to be with you in, as they say in the ceremony, sickness and in health.

    You offered him an exit route and he declined, he's a keeper in my opinion.

  • Genes - I just read this thread for the first time and I'm sorry not to have seen it/posted before.

    I'm so sorry that you're going through such a hideous time. I'm thinking of you and your OH and keeping everything crossed that there's a positive outcome to all of this. Really, you're in my thoughts.

    And for what it's worth, I'm hugely impressed that you haven't caved in and smoked. We all know it would do nothing to improve the situation, but that doesn't alter the fact that all the stress and fear are really powerful triggers, and it takes a strong person to resist that. You should be proud.

    Take care. Keep strong.

    Helen

  • Oh my - I'm sure I'm not the only one whose 'stresses' are now put into a more realistic perspective ....

    Sending you the bestest wishes for Sunday, Genes.

    Keep in touch,

    Sue

    x

  • hey peeps,

    wanted to say thank you so much for all the well wishes! In a lot of pain with my arm now, surprised it seems to be progressing fast :( My lab teacher was also surprised as my grip strength is now noticeably diminished too :(

    the good news is I got 100% in my first exam, my essay is written (although had tears rolling down my face by the end of typing as it hurt so much) and I have got some work done for my exam tomorrow.

    my poor little boy has an infected cut on his little toe now too. was screaming because we had to get the scab off earlier so we could get some antiseptic into it. think he will need antibiotics though as he has the red infection line up his foot - all in 2 days. he is sleeping now though, hopefully that will help.

    apologies for the crappy one handed typing, and thank you once again, will update as soon as i know anything.

    genes

  • You are one amazing lady Genes :)

    Despite everything that is going on in your life you are still looking after your family, continuing, and succeeding, in your uni work and staying off the smoking when it would be so easy to cave in.

    I wish I knew you in real life, you are an inspiration to us all.

    My hat is suitably doffed to you lovely lady :D

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