I'm sorry but I need help I really do

Never thought I'd post a desperation post, not sure what I want people to say, I don't even know what it's going to change. Maybe I just need to write my feelings down, I dunno.

I hate this feeling today has just been the most awful day, nothing too stressful going on or anything I have just had this overwhelming feeling I NEED to smoke, it just won't go away, I'm fighting, fighting with it. Doing everything that I see as advice, making a drink, going for a walk, chewing gum, looking on here and yet still there is this screaming in my head 'go on just have a fag...you can try again...it's not your time'

Then if this isn't the time then when will there be a right time, I just don't want to bloody smoke anymore but then I do and then I don't. I really am having a melt down.

For f sake I just need to get a grip but I can't it just seems that me as me is not me no more. OK I'm snappy and tetchy but have been each time I have tried to quit but this time I'm angry, really angry - maybe it's because I have said this is my forever quit as I'm sick and tired of being a serial quitter. I feel like crying but not with sadness with anger - but I don't know why I'm angry.

I am just losing the plot and having a meltdown - I just want someone to click their fingers and I live my life as though I have never smoked...that isn't going to happen I know. I read posts that it gets better but does it, when, I'm tired, fed up...do I want to go through life in fear, fear of cigarrettes. Gee wizz I listen to me I sound like a right mad cow, I can't help it.

I just can't cope everything just seems out of control...I constantly feel like a stuffed turnkey because I keep picking at sweets, and chocolate and biscuits...drink far to much water and fizzy crap so feel so bloated...jaw aching from chewing too much gum...I just seem like a quivering wreck I mean I can't even speak properly at times I just can't get my words out...my boss said what the hell is wrong with you...truth is I dunno

20 Replies

  • You can do it Tinkerbell. Its good to just write it down and let it go. Now its off your chest and out in the open. Once its on paper you can look at it logically. I find the more I bottle up a craving feeling then my mind starts going on overdrive. Another random one, have you tried wacking on the radio or MTV and just dancing through a craving. I do, you look mad just kicking your legs in the air and waving your arms about its great! but thats just me and unable to dance properly :) Hopefully by time you have read these comments your craving will have gone.

    Keep smiling!

  • Hey You :)

    Some days can be just completely crap, Tinks. Your not in melt down or loosing it. The only thing being lost is the hold nicotine has over you.

    May sound odd but embrace this feeling and look upon it as a good thing to surf through, control and come out of. Own this quit Tinks ... suffer the odd shite day in the sure knowledge (and your own proven history) that good days come along with more frequency and your strength and belief in your own ability does grow.

    Right girly ;) ... you get to 4 months smoke free and lunch is on me. We can meet half way at that little town upon the severn ;)

    It's soon after Xmas Tinks and weight gain over the festive period will be felt too. It can be hard for some to maintain weight and not stuff the gob ... but, if it's really gonna play on your mind (and waistline) about sizing up, then take a more controlling position and replace the negative habit that was smoking with a positive replacement habit. This could be done with eating. I'm not saying to diet ... just east sensibly with treats at weekend. Managing some balance like this may help you feel better in control of the situation. Also, don't forget to up your Vit C intake in the early stages.

    By the way ... welcome back, you non smoker you :D

    Pol xx

    ps, prefer bourbons and ginger nuts myself

  • Sometimes it is tough but you want to quit so if you give in then you'll only end up at this point again facing the same challenge again.

    As tough as it is it won't be any better for smoking and all that you have achieved so far will be wasted if you do.

    Focus on how much you have achieved and that you are winning the battle against this addiction.

    Don't give in an let the addiction defeat you now, stay strong, shout scream, swear, hit some cushions or whatever it takes but don't smoke. It won't be the answer.

  • Aw Tinks it seems some of us suffer it bad. Don't know why but we do. I like to think we are the more sensitive souls of the world. Una mentioned my "sofa crisis" but despite my despair over the extra weight, I have now taken control and started eating more healthily, I feel so much better already, I just feel In control. I have just swapped high fat for low fat wherever possible and it's paying off already. I am now 4-5 pounds lighter after two weeks, a good inroad into the 12 pounds weight gain. I have been in mental despair for most of this quit and just as una mentioned, we have days where we say "that's it, I can't cope and I've had enough!". I still have the mental mush days like the first week where I just can't think straight, but I figure it's good practise for the menopause lol :rolleyes: I just wanted you to know you're not alone in your feelings, I felt like I was going mental when I was reading all the positive posts from other people I kept thinking "what the hell is so wrong with me" the answer is nothing at all is wrong with me, I'm just a sensitive soul and don't like feeling out of sorts....which I do, and I am, something is wrong, something is missing, but I wait patiently for the day this addiction no longer controls me to this extent. There are people like my OH and francob who sail through their quits with no bother (and I hate them jammy buggers :p) My OH thinks I was far more addicted/reliant in the first place, so don't feel down about feeling out of sorts, it's part of the process for some of us and quite normal, we are clearing a

    lifetime of rubbish from our bodies and some of us need a little more TLC and a little more time to come to terms with it all. Oh, and tell your boss to sod off, you are currently achieving a minor miracle so you're allowed to be confuddled :o

  • Tinks. When did you take the patch off? X

  • Yesterday xx

  • Oh Tinks I remember you from our quit group ! Listen hard- accept these cr*p feelings and recognise them as part of the quit process, accept the negative feelings as your physical and mental reaction to lack of nicotine. Baby steps , one step at a time. Its not easy to begin with but count minutes if you have to! they all addup. When I was at my rubbish boarding school, years ago ,I used to decorate an hour chart as a countdown to the end of term- I loved waking up in the morning and crossing off at least 8 hours ! it gave me a sense of satisfaction and achievement. Stay strong it all gets better ! I rarely come on here but when I saw your plea for help I just wantedyou to know I feel for you but at the same time you can do it !!


  • :( ive only just read this ahhh sending you HUGH HUGS

    Stop being so hard on yourself hun your just having a hard day you have proved that your strong by the fact that instead of giving into the crave and lighting up you sat down and typed this post and letting everyone read how your feeling that takes courage

    You will get there hugs again xx

  • Hey Tinks you can get through this....just make it through the end of today, don't think about tomorrow. I'm sure by tomorrow things won't feel as bad. Like anything truly worthwhile in life, quitting cigarettes takes a lot of work, effort, and patience (like a marriage really). Please stick with it....you will reap the rewards....maybe not now but definately in a few weeks time when you will feel your quit becoming easier and easier to deal with.

    I wish you could have seen my colleagues presentation at work yesterday. Trust me...you don't want to smoke. If you can think of a dirty, black piece of sponge that is falling apart...then that's what a smokers lungs look like.

    You're doing great

    Lisa x

  • Hey Lisa that presentation really struck a chord with you didn't it. Wish I could have seen it too, there's nothing like a cold hard look at the real damage done to put you off smoking!

  • Crikey it did Pip!....what I found amazing was the difference between smokers in the UK and smokers in America. Because smokers in America smoke the heavy duty fags.....like MArlboro reds they get a different type of lung cancer in the end compared to us Brits...unfortunately it has a poorer prognosis too. I know we can all google and get pictures of what our lungs might have looked like but seeing it for real is a whole different thing. To think that about 86% of lung cancers is caused by smoking and can be prevented by cessation is mind blowing. I don't want to come across as preaching but it just really confirmed my quit.

  • Blimey that's interesting then, what do they class as heavy duty fags here I wonder?? The prognosis for lung cancer is very poor I believe. Lucky to get 5 years even with treatment, and no new treatments have been found so chemo used is much the same as it was in the fifties. My aunty is having chemo for lung cancer so we're quite interested in facts and figures but none of them look very hopeful. Amazingly though she was diagnosed last yr aged 70 and immediately stopped her 80 a day habit without any trouble at all. She wanted to live more than smoke were her words. Gulp..........makes me feel awful when I whinge about withdrawals etc...!!!

  • I think heavy duty fags are ones with the most tar and nicotine content, like Marlboro reds. Yes unfortunately the prognosis is poor for lung cancer but the good news is the earlier it's detected the better your prognosis is, so if anyones at all worried I'd suggest a checkup at the docs. Sorry to hear about your aunty Pip


  • Tinks. In quitting I only managed a lot of it by applying cold hard logic. I struggled to apply the 'its ok' train of thought and instead sought out the reasons why I felt like i kilterdid . Sometimes it couldn't be explained but most times there was a logical answer. So, try looking at it this way instead. You had stopped putting the fag in your mouth but had continued putting the nicotine in your body. Then you stopped the nicotine. This is the withdrawal and this feeling will have abated by tomorrow. Ride the wave my little friend x

  • Hope you are feeling better today, Tinks. I suspect that Fiona is right about the link to stopping the patches and how you are feeling.

  • Firstly thank you for your support :)

    You might be surprised to know that despite the fact I thought the world was ending yesterday, it had not... I woke up this morning after a very sleepless night and the world looks the same to me but guess what I am still a non smoker... Came close but didn't and boy am I proud if myself :D

    I do hope I get a better nights rest tonight but being smokefree is the most important thing to me


  • Well done Tinks, for getting through a hell day. You have every right to be proud.

    I agree with those who have said that nightmare urges like these will come along. It's so easy to drive yourself crazy when they happen. You have to kind of ride the wave, as someone else said. Accept them, recognise them for what they are, and understand that no matter how bad they are they will pass. I know that sounds a bit woowoo-tofu-sandals, but it's true.

    You've won a big battle in the war against the addiction, my heartiest congratulations to the victor xxx

  • Hi tinkerbell,

    I am new at this, but I find when I am really down and unable to cope with the overwhelming cravings, I start thinking about all the reasons I decided to stop smoking in the first place.

    I also think of how tough it has been for these first few days and that I really dont want to have to go through this all over again because as we all know its never just one puff.. "Your one puff away from a packet a day"

    GET MAD at those aweful cigarettes for wasting so much of your precious time and money over the years. :mad:

    Perhaps write your reasons for stopping on a piece of paper.

    Good luck, I hope you can get through it :)


  • Big thumbs up Tinks! Proud of you! (Hels, where can I get tofu sandals, I like thesound of those!)

  • (Hels, where can I get tofu sandals, I like thesound of those!)

    Me too :D

    Forever Free, thank you for your advice, the frame of mind I was in yesterday was awful and despite me going over and over my reasons another part of me was making excuses not to stick with the reasons. Anyhow I got through it & today's another day and I'm still smoke free... But I can honestly say that if wasn't the support of friends a on here and another mate who suggested we email each other to help me through it then I would of smoked...

    So to those of you who helped me yesterday, from the bottom of my heart - thank you xx

    All the best


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