This is a very special Christmas for me. My first Christmas as a spouse. My first Christmas as a step-parent; as a in-law. My first Christmas with an extended family.
Though it's very poignant for me that today my great, great aunt is terminally ill in hospital. It's very sad in that these things should happen at all, but that's where it ends. My aunt is 93 years old. She's lived a long, happy, and fulfilling life. She's never been taken ill, and remained fit, healthy and independant right the way through. She enjoyed life to the full, out-living my dear uncle by over 30 years. She's in very good spirits. This is typical of her.
I have extremely fond memories of Christmas as a child. I would spend them with my parents and my great, great aunt and uncle. Thinking of her now brings back a lot of happy memories from a time long, long ago. A time of complete inocence; a time when the world was new and I was the centre of it -- full of exitment and hope. I fealt an unpresidented sence of wonder and exitement. I fealt safe to the point of being bulletproof.
Somewhere between then and now, I lost my way. I spent a great many Christmases away from my family. I became cold, selfish, misrible and resentful. Scrouge held nothing on me. I would have eaten him for breakfast and asked for afters. And I punished myself for it. Hard.
But now I've changed. A lot. Someone came along and saved my soul. I'm sitting here watching Morcambe & Wise along with my family. And when I look at them, wearing their stupid paper hats and moaning about each other, it makes me smile. And it just goes further to prove to me what I already knew: I'm happy now, and I'm so glad that I quit smoking. Time moves forward and us along with it. We change. Old things end and new things begin. Smoking has no part in my life anymore because now, unlike then, I care about life and everything in it. When you fee like this, it isn't very hard to stay smoke-free.
I hope that everyone's having a great Xmas.
And here's to you all!
Be happy or be sad. But be good, and be kind.