day 40 and feel like giving in

Is this really worth it having to lose your temper at the nearest and dearest im fed up now at losing my temper its not fair all i can smell is fags off my Hub. The more i smell it the more nicodemon traps me into go on have one. Its xmas eve and am like a moody shitty person who lost my temper with hub. I got the hoover out and felt like nanny mcphee with no magic. Lol. Its no laughing matter ive had more lozengers today and yesterday . Yes im watching nanny mcphee because i love colin firth. And its hilarious. My hub said if this is how your going to be then i suggest you have a fag. But i cant do that because i promised myself i wouldnt and having one fag will result in more. I know ive been their before it doesnt work like that. Jacqui

4 Replies

  • fleetwood you can do this you have to go through the bad to get to the good

    the only reason your hub even said to u to have a fag is to make himself feel better about smoking

    have a read through some posts u will feel better and kill some time

    please stay strong


  • Thanks boo i havent given in i hope i feel better tomorrow. Merry christmas and happy new year for 2012. Jacqui NOPER'S group. Quit: 14.11.11. Live long and prosper.

  • Oh Can I Relate!

    Day 20 here & I'm a wreck. The nicotine has long left my system but the addict is crawling out big time. I don't like this... individual. She's rude, obnoxious, selfish, pig headed, whiny, prone to wobblies & thoroughly unpleaseant to have around. She refuses to leave. Actually, that's not true. Insistently she whispers in my ear. "On cigarette, just... one... little... smoke... that's ALL I'm asking. Then I'll stop bothering you. You'll be able to smile again. You'll stop feeling like bursting into tears every 5 minutes. You'll remember what fun is. You'll stop looking at your significant other with newfound loathing. You'll not want to skin the moggies alive. And it will only cost you one little smoke."

    You can get rid of the substance, the addiction but the ADDICT is a different kettle of fish to deal with. Why does normal have to be so damned HARD? How can other people deal with normal? For that matter - what IS normal? I don't KNOW how to get through a day comfortably without a cigarette. Lately I'm despairing of ever knowing. I know some day it will all make sense but right now, I'm a babe in the wilderness.

    And for all the words of praise & encouragement I'm getting from those who care for me & my quit... something's missing. It doesn't feel Big or Heroic enough. This is just flat out DULL & drab. I'm putting one dragging foot in front of the other & every step seems to be such a massive effort & for what? To get another couple of yards further into the sand? I know there's a finish line out there somewhere but I can't see it yet. I'm not even sure how far away it is but boy right now, it just seems to far. So I grit my teeth & heave another foot out of the sand & plop it forward another few inches, snivelling as I do so.

    I can breathe better. I'm cleaner, my skin looks better, I can taste food, I'm not coughing. THAT SHOULD BE MORE THAN ENOUGH!!!

    It's not & THAT my friends, is the addiction. There's a silly part of me that would love more drama - the same drama that would defeat me in the end. So why do I want it? Darned if I know. When there's nothing out there to 'fight' about not smoking, I swear I'm starting fights with myself. Again, that's addiction.

    I think the only thing saving my butt right now is I'm stubborn. Headstrong. Pigheaded. Mulish. I... Wll... NOT... SURRENDER... MY... QUIT.

    I don't care how miserable I feel right now. It's not as though I'm cold, wet, starving Or anything equally horrid. I'm simply oan emotional war in which I CAN prevail - if I watch my flanks & my rear.

    Nobody promised me a fun or angst free Quit. And sometimes the hardest learned lessons are the ones that stick with us for life.

    I'm certainly hoping so in this case.

  • You just keep on going Jacqui. You know that you would be heartbroken if you blew it now. Just smile at the OH - he's not there yet, but chances are, he will have all this to come at some point in the future. And when he does, you will be far more supportive than he has been.

    Sometimes, we just have to settle for that moral high ground...

    Happy christmas.

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