I found this post in the "Month 4+ 5" section on a thread called "A bit down" by Shaun. Thought it brilliant and helped me a lot. Just want to say I'm not taking the credit for the post
Its hard to explain, but i will try...here goes! you come to the moment of breaking that quit..whether it is just in complete temper...upset, frustration ...or that you think you are in control and that you will get back to your quit tomorrow! of course all this is in your mind! but in reality it isnt that easy ...
you buy that pack of 10.... (you only buy 10 because you think your not going to smoke anymore) .....so from the very moment of purchase your already thinking of being quit! (senseless ....a little,) but the overpowering urge to smoke knocks down every little bit of courage and good thoughts you have about not smoking...even the hard work gone into your quit goes out the window. You get home...still thinking that you will not smoke tomorrow! you open the packet, like an old ritual coming back, it feels a bit nice, but even at that moment of opening the pack makes you feel very uncomfortable..
You have a 2nd thought..should i..or shouldnt I....you talk yourself into smoking them because youve just spent over 3 quid on buying them. still thinking i wont smoke tomorrow... i can do it etc etc! .... you smoke the first one! dosnt taste too nice at all! but you get that buzz dizzy sensation in your head that you got all that time ago when you first began your smoking career! that part gives you a nice warmth, like a memory ...... you have another one! ...it feels ok... you think you are in control but you are not! come about the 3rd cigarette, you begin to cry, you feel desperate, you are now thinking wtf have i done! you begin to think how happy you was has a non smoker, you start to get back all you reasons why you quit in the first place, you feel let down! the dissapointment that you will feel is like nothing you will have felt before....you continue to smoke the rest of the cigarettes just because.
You tell yourself that you wont smoke tomorrow.....tomorrow arrives! you buy some more, you tell yourself you arent strong enough yet and best to leave it a bit to get your head together again....... Of course all these things that you are telling yourself are all lies to make yourself feel better! ....
You never give up trying once you know you can go a reasonable time without it! ...... wasting all that time and energy on stopping and starting is deeply embedded in my mind! ........ so 3 things... it will taste like sh*t, you will feel drained & ill after the first few (already feeling the poisons going back into you).... and the overwhelming dissapointment is not worth it .. not one bit.
just my personal experence, but in my opinion if someone breaks a quit and is okay about it, like dosnt feel any upset or regret, then they never really wanted to quit in the first place.
sorry gone on a bit... haha hope ive helped