New seemed like a fitting title as I'm new to this site, this is my new attempt to quite smoking and I'm new to the country I live in.
I have been smoking for 4 years and I am constantly trying/saying I'm going to quit. The best I managed was for 1 month last summer. I know it hurts my family especially my mum, she hates to know I smoke even if I promised never to do it in front of her and I hate knowing I'm disappointing them. My fiancé smokes as well although he has smoked for 9 years now. He wants to quit as well but together we're hopeless at it one or the other talks the other into having a cigarette. I've tried telling everyone I've tried telling no one. I've tried cutting down I've tried cold turkey. I've tried having a non smoking friend encourage me but I found it irritated my nicotine starved nerves. My smoking friends don't want to quit so I have no one to try a quitting pack with except my fiancé but as I've said we're hopeless together.
This time I want it to be different I don't want to feel like a failure. My fiancé is not quitting with me in an attempt to be there to support me as generally I don't function whilst quitting (yes I am still in my pjs and it's 4.30pm) he is moving onto the e cigarette and is going to start on strong and reduce the nicotine level gradually week by week and quit after me when I will be in a fit smoke free state to support him. This is the plan whether it will work I don't know. I've download two apps on my phone one which has lots of facts and motivational tit bits to read the other with a programme and log giving achievements where deserved and a craving button to help you stave off. I don' work so I can do whatever my body feels best -busy with housework, watch mindless films, sleep, eat anything.
I want to tell myself that this time will be different because I have the motivation to do it a good reason bigger than myself as we have decided to try for a baby once we're smoke free but still I feel the argument at the back of my head saying it is better to cut down this week and make a full quitting plan and I don't know if that is sense talking or giving in as I haven't smoke yet today (whilst it's 4.30pm I've only been awake for 4 hours) I just can't decide.
I know I'm probably not making a great deal of sense and I don't expect anyone to read all of my pointless ramblings let alone reply but it makes me feel a little better during this weak point to write. I guess that's what I'd like it to have someone to talk to when I'm feeling weak. I would call the quite smoking help line but I live in France now. I would go to a pharmacy and ask for help but my French isn't very good hence not calling the French support lines. I'm away from all my friends, everyone I know here smokes. My family want me to quite but they don't understand why I smoke or what it feels like to try and quit. But I figured maybe someone on here would understand where I'm coming from.
Thanks if you've read this I hope you're having a nice day and if you're quitting good luck