Friday afternoon discussion - Help pass the time

To help pass the final 2 hours of my working week I thought I would start a little debate - I've kept it smoking related but I am interested in hearing peoples thoughts on the following:

1) Do you now see friends/family who are now smokers as idiots ? I mean do you feel like a hypocrite but still cannot help but think how stupid people are who say things like " I'm going to continue to smoke until I’m told they are going to kill me, then I’ll stop, in this stressful day and age smoking is the one thing that helps"

Only 2 months ago I would say something similar, not word for word but still a long the same grounds as that quote.

2) My OH smokes and the excuses she comes out with as to why she will not quit are laughable - My question with this one is how do I help my other half without coming across as an annoying ex-smoker - Let’s be honest before we quit we all hated that type of person too, I know I did.

Perhaps someone out there has had a similar experience as me with having an OH who you would like to quit too ??

I look forward to hearing your opinions people x

Mark

14 Replies

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  • Hmmmmmm - Pondering

    1. I don't see them as idiots - I see them as addicts. I have this strange thing of watching smokers "feed" themselves now...they are not finding enjoyable - they are doing what they see as a neccessity.

    2. Tough one - to be honest, she will only be ready to quit when she is. Maybe she willl take inspiration in your quit.

    Chris

  • 1) No - it took me 30 years to 'see the light' and i'm relatively intelligent!!! It is a pretty damn horrible addiction (illness) that takes a lot to get over.

    2) My OH is still smoking - in the first couple of weeks of my quit I probably came across as a holier than thou annoying ex smoker (putting the Allen Carr book next to her ashtray)...now i'm cool with it...she'll stop when she's ready and she has actually read some of the book aswell

    Dave

  • Hi Mark

    I can only comment on the fact that I ws the smoker when my OH quit for 2 yrs. He really tried to get me to quit and I used all the above mentioned excuses. I remember hating him for quitting, and he did it so suddenly and so easily. He had ruined our smoking marriage and now I was all alone with my smoking habit.

    After two and a half years of this uneasy truce, he returned home one day and took one of my fags from the packet stating that he was fed up of being good, and that he wanted to smoke again. I remember thinking, is he mad, has he flipped, why would he want to smoke again after all this time. I was so annoyed that he'd started again, strange really. I thought I would have been happy to have my smoking buddy back but I really wasn't. Every time I saw him light up it infuriated me. Of course he was smoking all my fags too and now I was running out all the time, my house smelt twice as bad and the car was now properly foggy with both of us at it again. This is MY bad habit not yours, you stopped, you gave it up.............

    This time around when he announced he was stopping again, I thought, oh no matey, you're not leaving me behind this time, I will also stop, I will not be left alone to continue smoking and die while you get to be free and live longer, I will not go through the above again!

    Think there's something in there somewhere, maybe your OH will be like me and not want to be left behind when she realises you have really done it for the long term. Still, as we all know only too well it has to be your time. You may be helping her reach her time without even knowing it!

    Well, writing that's passed a little time away for me :)

    Pip

  • Thanks guys & gals, some interesting feed back.

    I suppose I need to take a bit of a step back and let the OH make her own choices, I know when friends and family were trying to convince me to quit I just felt backed into a corner and continued to smoke (sometimes out of spite)

    I guess the quote that I wrote in my first post really hit home with me today, it was a comment the taxi driver made to me this morning whilst on my way to work. It's just interesting that because my mind set has changed drastically and I understand that its the addiction to nicotine that makes us come up with all sorts of excuses why we smoke but deep down we know its stupid.

    It's just got me thinking about all the excuses I used to make, the point I am trying to make is I now view smokers as trapped and I get frustrated that I cannot help them see the light too - Jeez I sound like a right busy body, lol

  • Hiya francob...

    I too see other people smoking as them feeding their addiction...they certainly do not look as if they are enjoying smoking (just saw a few outside of Morrisons just now). I feel sorry for them in a way but they'll get to want to quit in their own way.

    As for my OH...he's never smoked (apart from the time we met and he smoked to look cool and fit in cos I smoked). I found out two weeks after we met that he had asthma and was not taking the smoke down...at which point I punched him. Like everyone else has said maybe you giving up will make her question why she smokes as well...just kind of get the ball rolling. And when she sees all the benefits long term she may want to give up too. I know I had to give up for myself and nobody else.

    Anyhow, sorry I probably haven't helped much. Lisa x

  • hahaha you've turned into a Mrs Bucket (no Bouquet).

    I know...I feel like shaking them too or preaching whatever...it'll do no good. You'll get a piss off and smoke in yer face. Just like us they'll quit when they want to.

    XXX

  • Hi Lisa,

    The reason I started when I was 15/16 was to look cool and fit in with the other lads, stupid really considering I was a YTS at Coventry City FC and was trying to become a pro footballer, even at a young age I became addicted to fit in, similar to your OH by the sounds of it.

    Based on your comments and everyone elses I think I will just concentrate on my own quit and help others within this forum as best I can, after all we are all like minded people. I'll leave my OH to quit when she is ready.

    Mark

  • We all have to make our own choices, none of us like other people to try and ram their opinions down our throats.

    For what it's worth my OH stopped 18 months ago after being diagnosed with (very) high blood pressure. She didn't really nag me at all, eventually I got fed up with standing outside on my own, we were actually spending less time together.

    I am going to try really hard not to be pompous. There is a crude but true saying " there is nobody more prude than a reformed whore"

    gtat

  • Hmm... I can't comment about the OH thing, as mine is a severe asthmatic who couldn't come anywhere near me when I'd been for one.

    As for other smokers, I don't really see them as idiots. Sometimes I feel sorry for them, particularly when I'm at work. Sometimes I'm a little envious (only of the younger student smokers strangely), despite knowing it's just an addiction, I sometimes miss the 'naughty', @#@~ society feeling and even the false pleasure too .

    It's often compared to scratching an itch, and while I wouldn't want to itch, there is something nice in the relief of scratching one.

    I do often get a smug feeling as well, when I see smokers, which I don't actually like cos I feel it makes me a bad person :confused:.

    I've starting blummin itching now :rolleyes: :eek:

    Sorry a bit rambly, it's that Friday-afternoon-brain-stopped thing.

  • I hope you don't mind me replying to you post, but I find this very interesting topic. I have tried to quit many times (as we all have) each time going back to it. I am re-planning my final quit (as this will be the successful quit).

    I have been doing my own little bit of research with me smoking colleagues, many of them say they wouldn't quit unless they were medically told they had to. Also most of the ladies would not quit due to fear of putting weight on. TBH they have seen me balloon in the last few years, mostly due to trying to quit smoking and they do bring that up...their words are 'well look at you, you used to be so skinny...':o

    They then go on to say, 'we have to die of something and if we don't die from smoking, we would die from obesity realated diseases, etc...' Although most of them have said they wish they were made illegal.

    On past quits, I never try to explain things to them as don't want to be 'that reformed smoker' as these are the people who annoy the hell out of me.

    It's a very powerful addiction to crack, hence the constant justification by smokers, if someone said 'don't put that wet finger in the plug socket as you could get electric shock' we wouldn't do, yet there are so many warnings about the effects of smoking yet we still find it so hard to beat.

    I think that people have to quit smoking for themselves in the first instance...

    Anyhow that's my 2 pennie worth

    All the best with your quits

    Tinks

  • Hi Tinkerbell,

    Thank you for your input - I think you make some very valid points but in particular the reason my OH has used on many occasions is the fear of putting on weight but to me that just doesn't wash - I mean from my point of view the facts on smoking related deseases/deaths compared to putting on a few pounds of weight is a no brainer, she is a very active person who plays squash twice a week and hockey on the weekends.

    The fact of the matter is the nicodemon and the trap of smoking is the reason she will not quit - the addiction if you like will not not allow her to admit that deep down it has nothing to do with putting on weight. For 15 years I thought the same way but all of a sudden I've seen the error of my way.

    I totally agree though that she needs to be ready and want to quit - I've taken a bit step back and just hope that one day soon it will happen.

  • Whilst my husband hasn't at all pushed me to quit. He has dropped the odd comment now and again. One that upset me the most (but was perfectly understandable) but has stuck with me and I thought a lot about was that he hated kissing me when I smoked which seeing was everyday was crap. He did kiss me but only now can I understand what that must have been like, yuck. If you can put up with an argument is it worth commenting that now you've given up, her mouth is like kissing an ashtray!!!!

  • I'm not going to comment on he OH giving up smoking - that is a potential minefield there, so tread carefully!

    As for other people that smoke... A woman parked in the space next to me in a car park today, with a fag hanging out the window. While I always smoked and drove (unless the kids were in the car), I did wonder today whether her mind was really on the task of parking.

    Her good placement in the space must have been luck rather than judgement, seeing as she was fussing about flicking ash out of the window at the time.

    And that second or two when she was looking at the ciggie rather than the road as she lit up a few minutes previously must also have been a bit risky...

    So... now that we are all self-righteous ex-smokers, let's start a a campaign to ban smoking behind the wheel!

    (Just kidding, each to their own and being stressed and aggressive from nicotine craving would probably cause more accidents!)

  • Hi there,

    No...smokers aren't idiots. People should be allowed to do what they want, provided its legal (and ethical) which at the moment smoking is!

    Your other half...if she wants to give up she will. I think you should leave her alone to make that decision.

    Hopefully as someone else has said, you will inspire her.

    LizzieX

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