Bye bye fags

This quitting m'larkey is "an emotional rollercoaster". I was feeling so upbeat this morning but this last hour all I've done is cry. Ha ha ha my OH has left me to it, as we know each other by now for him to know I'll be alright and get things out of my system.

Something struck me whilst I was reading Allen Carr. He says "you probably don't remember when your first cigarette was but you'll remember what it was like the first time you smoked it". Well I do remember my first cigarette...my nan had just died from ovarian cancer. My lovely, special nan who was like a 2nd mom to me...she collected me from school everyday when I was a kid for years stopping at the sweetie shop on the way back to her house. The house where I spent more time than my own house. The nan who I related the most to...my friend who I talked to when I couldn't/wouldn't speak to my parents. When she died a long and suffering death at only 52 I felt robbed beyond belief. I was 21 when I first lit that cigarette after my friend at uni told me to smoke one cos "it would make me feel better!". Don't get me wrong I don't blame him for my smoking...that was all my own doing. That stubborness and determination to be able to smoke without coughing and for the taste to not seem shit anymore...well that was all me.

The point of this post is entirely selfish and for myself...as 17 years later from an addiction born out of death...this addiction itself is also dying in order for me to live. Bye, bye fags. I won't miss you but I can't say that I won't ever forget you. Will always love you lillian.

Lisa X

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  • OMG Lisa

    This post really hit home for me. My name is Lilian and I spend as much time with my grandson as I can, I want to be the kind of nan you describe your nan as being. Ive been diagnosed earlier this year as having copd and I have to stay off the cigs or it will get progressively worse till it kills me. Im also 52 in March next year.

    Spooky for me, but a great incentive for you to give up. Do it for yourself and for the nan that loved you so much.

    Lillie xx

  • Gosh Lisa,

    I don't know what to say. A good friend of mine has been diagnosed with ovarian cancer and is having surgery tomorrow, so we are all waiting on the outcome. I've known her since I was 12 which is a long time, and she is like the big sister I never had. Just hope the fact I have quit smoking will give her a lift and the will to fight. I lost my Grandad to emphysema, and my Dad to diabetes and smoking related diseases, and still I didn't learn. We can't bring our loved ones back by quitting, but we owe it to them to learn from their mistakes, they would want us too.

    Sorry this is such a crap post, but I feel emotional too.

    Take care Lisa, you are doing so well.

    Zoe xxxx

  • Zoemac - you haven't written a crap post. I'm sorry if I wrote a depressing post myself but I needed to write it to address the reasons/situation of why I started smoking in order to finally put it to bed and get over it and affirm my quit.

    I hope your friend is OK and they have caught it in time...my nan (through her stubborness) left it too late. We kept telling her to go to the doctors months and months prior to when she was diagnosed. She was just a bit old fashioned and didn't want the doctor looking at things only her husband should. There is always hope.

    Our relatives would want us to do this. Let's make em proud.

    You're doing so well too. we're in this together, through the good days and the bad. XXXXXXXXXXXXX

  • No Lisa,

    You didn't write a depressing post, I just didn't quite know how to reply to it. Guess I'm a bit tired and my friends op is tomorrow and I'm so far away, and feel a bit helpless. I would rather be going the stop smoking malarky than what she is going through any day.

    And we will do it for our friends and family, and for ourselves of course. We are all in this together.

    TC,

    Zoe xx

  • "We can't bring our loved ones back by quitting, but we owe it to them to learn from their mistakes, they would want us too." - Zoemac, that is literally the best statement I've read since visiting this site and one that's immediately imprinted itself into my mind. I was my dad's carer for two years while he was slowly and painfully succumbing to smoking-related diseases. He died a few days after my 21st birthday in 2006, aged 56. His death and what we both went through for those two years have stayed with me until this day and will do for the rest of my life.

    I carried on smoking for another five years, knowing full well that I am my father's carbon copy and that, had I have carried on smoking, chances are I would have also been diagnosed with the same condition in my 30s, like he was. Men in my family generally don't make it to old age and I really want to buck that trend. When I have kids, I want them to grow up knowing and enjoying me being fit and healthy. I know my dad felt like he was holding me back and many times was reduced to tears because he didn't want to 'rob me of the best years of my life'. I explained that I looked after him because I wanted to, not because I had to. I owe it to myself, to my dad and to my future kids to make this quit my last.

    Thanks Zoemac. Truly inspirational.

  • What a moving thread.

    I'm off to my brother's memorial service tomorrow. 54 years old and the picture of health, he was killed suddenly by a brain tumour nobody knew he had.

    David never smoked, and actually I never had the guts to tell him I did - him being a nurse and all - but I will be proud to stand up tomorrow and read and play the flute at his farewell, and know that he knows I've not had a puff for nearly eleven months and I never will again.

    Because life is precious, and lovely, even at tough times. And we owe it to ourselves and those we love and those we've lost not to deliberately risk our health and fritter it away.

    Keep on keeping on, everyone.

    H

  • Helen - that is very moving, my wife lost her brother very unexpectedly and was devastated, she eventually came to terms with it. I know it must have been hard to stick with this, but you have.

    Like you say - keep on keeping on...

    I'm sure the service will be bitter and sweet - I'm also sure you will play and speak beautifully

    gtat

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