No Smoking Day
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Struggling a bit...

Not sure quite what's going on with me at the moment, I think I might be heading for a bit of an 'episode'.

Last night I totally lost it, and did something not good that I haven't done for a while. Normally I would have smoked to calm myself down before I reached that point, and to be honest, if there had been one in the house I would have lit up.

I just don't know how to cope in those situations, I never have done.

I'm also feeling a bit down because I don't really feel proud of having quit, I just feel a bit empty. Everyone else here seems so pleased, and rightly so, but I just keep thinking 'so what?'.

Sorry for such a negative post, I've just been feeling a bit rubbish these last few days, and I guess I feel a bit isolated. :(

17 Replies
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Hey Jen

Sorry to hear you're down. You're not on your own. I've certainly had my moments. This weekend was just terrible for me but it passed. I'm sure it will happen all over again just when I think I have this thing beat.

I think you have to go over the reasons you quit in the first place. You will feel crap a lot of the time right now. Do you not have some good times too? It's hard to remember them when your at a low ebb.

I recognise the empty feeling but, if you were serious about quitting, a cigarette is only going to make you feel worse once it's smoked and left that yacky taste in your mouth.

I'm not sure I'm much help but I just wanted to say you're not on your own matey :)

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Jen

Ditto @ JQ

You need to find simething for YOU!

I find women tend put everything especialy their families, before them selves.

I am sure this is the same in your case!.

You need to go and SPOIL yourself, Go spend a "Grand" on your hair, have a Facial, Manicure and a Pedicure and finish it of with a full body massage.

If you still feel down after that, we gonna have to go extreme LOL

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Hi everyone, thanks for your support. It's really good to have people on your side, who understand. :)

I've definitely had some good times since quitting, and I know that smoking won't make me feel better in the long run - if it did I wouldn't be on anti-depressants!

It's just hard when I feel I've got to find a new way to deal with stuff, and I seem to have taken steps backwards in other areas of my life since I quit. Struggling at work, feeling depressed, getting fatter etc.

I don't even particularly want to smoke, other than last night when I was out of control. Just feel tired of actively 'not smoking', if that make sense??

Not really one for being pampered, not fond of people fussing at me (I even cut my own hair!). I guess I do need to find something though... Maybe I'll do a home spa type thing tonight.

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Jen

((((((hugs))))))

I know the feeling , I had them over and over again. :(

Maybe you could find something to read that put you in a different

frame of mind . You can kick me , give me a good bashing for mention

him again ....but have you tried to read Allan Carr's book?

You doing brilliant Jem , maybe treat yourself to something nice ;)

I been doing some serious online shopping yesterday , all the things

I never needed ...... :D

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Hi Jen

Oooh you have hit the spot on exactly how I'm feeling!

It's so wierd, I really don't want to smoke but am still missing or pining for the feeling it used to give me (at least I think that's what it is). I also do not feel ecstatic that I have quit, and I don't know why because we bloomin well should !!

Hopefully these feelings will pass soon and sunnier times are ahead for us :)

All I can add is that you definatley are not alone, it must be a natural progression of quitting, I'm always glad to see others posting their feelings as it really helps to know I'm not feeling this on my own either.

Pip

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I've not read the full book, but I've read an abridged version. I found some of his points to be quite useful, but I also found some of his style a bit condescending, unless that was just because it was a short version.

The biggest problem I have with Allen Carr is I disagree with some of his fundamental statements about nicotine - I think it does have contradictory properties, and I think it *can* have a benefit, namely acting to increase dopamine (or something like that) in the brain, in the same way an antidepressant does.

At the moment, I don't know whether this is just a regular episode I would've got regardless, or if it's caused by quitting (I dropped a patch level recently), or if it's psychosomatic. That's why it feels so hard - I just don't know :confused:

And it's so scary.

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Hiya Jen

Im not as far down the road as you but I do understand the feelings you are having. Im also on anti depressants but I feel so depressed at the moment. I know its from not smoking as I was fine before, but all the symptoms are exactly the same, I have no joy in giving up just a weariness from fighting it.

I wrote a post last night saying how I was feeling and the support I recieved from other members helped me significantly. I dont feel much better today but I do know it will get better.

Keep writing and expressing your feelings, not only will it help you it will help others, like me, realise we are not the only ones.

Good Luck

Lillie xx

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Hiya Jen,

So sorry you are feeling down, here's big, big hugs to you.

Just feel tired of actively 'not smoking'

Oh I can so relate to that statement, I had a day when I just wanted a 'holiday' from the whole damn thing, I wanted to smoke for a day to have a rest from the tension of quitting. And I do get so fed up with thinking about cigarettes all the time, even when I am not craving. Had a bit of a breakthrough today though, I was walking around the supermarket and suddenly realised I hadn't thought of cigs for half an hour:eek: Not a long time I know, but certainly a breakthrough for this quitter. And it gave me hope.

I also suffer from depression but I'm not on any meds for it as my body just can't tolerate them. So I do empathise with you. And if I had a cig now I would feel even more depressed cos I would have to go back to the dreaded Day 1 or, even worse, end up never quitting.

Sorry for this rambly post Jen, but I do care, and I so wish I could make you feel better, but I know you will soon. And anyway, you PROMISED to cook my Sunday dinner for me when I make my grand entrance to Month 2, you said I could have ice-cream, beer and everything:p And I know a nice lady like you wouldn't go back on a promise!!

So take care of yourself, and be proud of yourself, you are doing so well and helping others too. And I don't mind if it's a nut roast for Sunday dinner cos I like veggie food!!

Zoe

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Aww thanks peoples, I feel so much better for having read all the lovely kind replies. :)

I've made it through another working day, not got much work done but at leasts it's over :rolleyes:

But I'm going to go home shortly, and have a nice hot bath, make something lazy for dinner, and then maybe make a healthy version of a carrot cake.

Zoe, you've hit the nail on the head there about the 'holiday' feeling. It's weird, but I'm thinking about smoking a lot more than I did before, more often than I actually smoked! And, like you, it's not even cravings, it's just there. Maybe I should just let the thoughts happen, instead of getting stressed by them? (and don't worry, you'll still get your roast :D)

Again, thanks everyone for letting me know I'm not alone x

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Hi Jen,

Yes it's weird how much we think about smoking after we quit???? When I smoked I didn't think about it, I just did it:( But it was a breakthrough this afternoon when I didn't think about cigs for half an hour. Shape of things to come???? I hope so. Glad I'm still on for roasty dinner on Sunday:D and don't forget you said I could have beer and ice-cream too.

Meanwhile take good care of yourself. You are an inspiration.

Zoe

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Hi Jen

I hope you're feeling a bit better now.

I know that empty feeling and it can become a bit self destructive, a feeling that nothing really matters, but I felt like that when I smoked and I sure I'll have moments when I feel like that when I don't smoke.

If there's one good thing about not smoking (I know there are hundreds of good things!) is that you can forget about it. We can forget about this thing we do that hurts us.

As Zoe said when you're not smoking it can be all you think about, but that WILL go away (I know 'cus I quit for 3 years)

Have you had a look at EFT? (see youtube)...it may help?

And I agree, I think nicotine does help with depression, but there must be healthier and cleaner ways.

Take care of yourself

LizzieX

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Hey Jen, sorry you're going through tough times, it really is normal to go through these phases.... luckily if you stick with it, you will only have to do it once, and things in time will get way better.

You mentioned some symptoms you are experiencing and the first thing I thought is that you might want to get out and get some exercise? Many successful quitters turned to exercise for symptom relief, I got into hot yoga, others got into cycling or running, even walking can get you some relief with the stress of quitting. It can really be quite effective.

Hope your evening goes well and that tomorrow is a better day for you!

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bella, you're totally right about the exercise, I'm currently trying to work up the nerve to join a private gym. Bit scared it'll be full of superfit beautiful people who'll laugh at me for being overweight, unfit and generally scruffy :o (anyone who had a hard time at PE in school will know what I mean).

I'll have a look at that EFT thing as well. Just remembered that I found a relaxation podcast the other day too.

Anyway, bath full of bubbles awaits me!

Feel a lot calmer and more 'evened out' now.

Jen x

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CalamityJen - please don't fear the gym!

I had a free trial at one last week (most will do a day pass if you ask, I think Fitness First do a five-day pass) and I expected to feel really uncomfortable - me all pale and flabby while all the bronze people pranced about in lycra or admired each other's biceps.

Needless to say, it wasn't like that at all. It was full of middle aged women and sweaty men.

I'd have felt right at home if it weren't for the odour! ;)

I'm relying on jogging and an MP3 player now - the NHS have a "Couch to 5K" programme with free MP3's that I am going to start next week.

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ZoeMac:: It's True

I was amused when you said you hadn't thought of smoking for 30 minutes....and that was the ". . . .shape of things to come. . . ."

Yes, it's true. That is the shape of things to come. As I posted in the 1+ year thread, it's been 4 years for me and I've gone probably 9 months without thinking of a cig. Yet, when I first quit, I was on this website every 30 minutes or so, struggling to think straight and keep myself together during my "quit".

Let me give you a peek of the shape of things to come: Months, and months, and months, and months and you will not once think of a cig. You might bump up against someone on an elevator who has the stinky tinge of cigarette smoker and you'll say to yourself, "yuck". You'll see someone in a market someplace opening up a carton of cigs and stacking them behind the register and you'll ask yourself why anyone would want to buy a package of those. You might have a stranger visit your house and ask to smoke and you'll say go right ahead, as long as it is outside.

But, for the most part, you will never, ever even think of cigs, because they are inconsequential and don't matter in the least.

The truth is, that is the shape of things to come. Cigs will become a big, fat nothing. I guarantee it.

RobW

Cold Turkey Quit

27 October 2007

Now I'll shut up and go my way and you probably won't hear from me for another year or two. . . .when I will stop by here and tell everyone that they, too can quit. No problem. Just take it one minute, one hour, one day, one month, one year at a time. It gets easier every minute you don't do it.

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But, for the most part, you will never, ever even think of cigs, because they are inconsequential and don't matter in the least.

The truth is, that is the shape of things to come. Cigs will become a big, fat nothing. I guarantee it.

RobW

Cold Turkey Quit

27 October 2007

Yup, I agree, as crazy as this must sound to a new quitter, it is the truth, it is what will happen if you stick it out and get through the initial tough times. Nice one, Rob.

Jen, go to the gym and never worry about that stuff, your worst critic is always going to be you, so don't be too harsh with yourself. Anyways, most likely those 'superfit beautiful people' have bigger issues than yourself ;) You are doing really well, take one day at a time, and always know that easier times are ahead of you!

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Hey Jen,

Glad to hear you are feeling better!

Cathy is right....gyms arent like they are in the movies and TV...LOL

I'm glad you were able to vent out and relax for a bit.

THe most important part of all this, is that you DIDN'T smoke no matter how you were feeling....that means you value the quit. It does mean something even if it isnt so apparent.

samartel

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