its such a shame

just wanted to share something...my mom is 62 years old and has been smoking since her teens...she was just recently sick with broncitis and pink eye and was a complete mess....when she was at her worst a few days ago she said that she has thrown all her cigs away and that she hasnt smoked all day and even when she feels better she wont start again!

well yesterday i saw her and she asked me if i had a cig to give her..i once again reminded her that i have quit for over 5 months now..she was mad and said "well good for you" and stormed off!:(

she also told me that she "needs" a smoke because her mother upset her..i told her that a cig will not change her mother and that she will still be upset..she then said "well whatever..forget it"

she had a horrible cough for years and very low energy and is always in a bad mood...its just sad how smoking has truly ruined her life!! she is a constant reminder of what i have saved myself from and made the best decsion by quitting sooner rather then later or even worse---not at all...please really think about your quit and your life before lighting up!

all the best to everyone and keep strong..please choose life and stop letting a drug control you!

11 Replies

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  • IAQ - I feel for you, it's horrible to see your mum in such a state, when you know from your own experience how much better she could feel. I guess it was guilt and frustration with herself that made her behave so rudely to you. But as we all know she has to do it for herself. There's really nothing you can do except lead by example. I hope she finds the strength from somewhere soon.

    It does none of us any harm to remind ourselves what our lives could be if we continue smoking - it's horrible to see what it can do to people.

    Stay free, be proud.

    H x

  • thanks h:)

  • Iaq, my mum same age and story. She has Copd and furred arteries, can't even walk to the corner shop without leg pain. Her cough makes me wince in horror. However Mum has never ever tried to quit, she is too scared to try. Her days are spent ruled by smoking and rolling them. Quitting is just not possible for some maybe. That is why we should all be extremely proud whether on day one or year one, its a huge step and achievement. I'm glad not to be putting my 14 year old through my addiction. Best wishes Tracey x

  • thanks guys :) and karri thank you so much for your pm! so very nice!!

  • My mum is still young but is heading that way so I can relate... it's crazy how obvious the effects of smoking are when you've quit but for some reason people who still smoke can manage to block out all of these awful things that smoking does. Your mum clearly can't see what she's doing to herself, or you, so try to see it from her point of view.

    Thanks for sharing this story as it's things like this that have really made me stay quit - I'll be sure to read this thread again if my confidence ever wobbles.

    I'm sorry that your mum hasn't embraced the thought of not smoking the way you have and I hope the situation between you two gets better.

  • Quitter - I feel for you, I really do.

    There are plenty of people who struggle to give up smoking even when they know the habit is likely to have fatal consequences, and even when they know the upset that it causes loved ones.

    The trouble is that we were all smokers once and probably dismissed concerns our loved ones showed, I know I ignored my daughter for a long time despite her asking me to give up daily, it just always seems something that we can do 'soon'.

    I'm not even sure the emotional card will work - your mum will know how much you (and others) care and won't need reminding, the only thing I will say is that I lost my Dad at 73, he gave up smoking when he was 69 and his oncologist said (when he was being treated for lung cancer) that had he given up 10 years earlier he may have avoided serious illness.

    Hope it works out for you

  • IAQ,

    What a very sad but very inspiring post. I am so sorry that your Mum can't get to grips with quitting. Sounds very much like deep down she knows she must stop but the fear of quitting is taking over so is going on the defensive instead.

    My friends Mum is like that. She smokes even though she has just been diagnosed with emphysema. When I sat there watching her choke her way through a cigarette it was enough for me to look at her and say no freaking way am I going to be like that and I quit.

    I hope your Mum comes around and decides she can do it, you know yourself it is a very personal decision she had to come to herself. All you can do is be there for her when she does.

    Sian xx

  • thanks all for you replies..it means alot! she is now asking my dad to go get her cigs..i told him that if she wants to smoke she will...he said that he knows. i wish she would try harder but i guess that she is one of those people that will never quit unfortunatly....i told her there are options to help her quit but as we all know it is up to the individual person to take those steps in stopping..i cant do it for her...its sad to say but she is all i need to look at everytime i feel like lighting up!:(

  • It's sad how much a person can be ruled by fear.... but never say never, your mom might just surprise you one day! She put it out there for a day so you KNOW she wants to quit..... most in the 'older' generation are too scared to even talk about quitting!

    My suggestion is to lovingly offer your mom to talk about quitting but never push her or preach to her. Talk about the benefits and how free you feel and how you wish the same for her, then just leave it be..... she will process the information and she WILL be watching you even if she says 'whatever'. You are an inspiration, as we all are, and we can and should show others that it can be done. Lots of times we fear a smokers wrath, and they do get angry when we hit their sore points, don't they! I used to be one, I know. It's the fear that makes them angry and keeps them smoking. Just keep at it (but gently, not pushy) ;)

  • **update**:(

    unfortunatly dad saw mom smoking the cig butts from the ashtray from last week down in the basement..so he felt bad for her and went and bought her a pack... ***MAKE NO MISTAKE...THIS IS AN ADDICTION** ITS VERY SAD! PLEASE KEEP TRYING TO QUIT UNTIL YOU GET IT RIGHT!! DONT GIVE UP ON QUITTING---YOU ONLY HAVE ONE LIFE..

  • thank you for your kind words karri!:)

    i always hope that you will find your quit!! you deserve to have a healthy life for yourself and your family!! im glad my posts are some help!!

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