Does this forum help ?

Stupid question but please bear with me.

I've been quit 24 days now, I feel OK, I don't feel like I need a cigarette and I don't enjoy the smell of cigarette smoke, so I'm quite comfortable (though not complacent) that I'll stay off the things.

I found this forum a huge help in the early days, great tips on how to fill in time, great also to share experiences with others going/gone through the same as you, it really was a massive assistance, but I find now that coming in here brings the thought of smoking back to the front of my mind when what I really need is to train the mind to forget that smoking ever existed in my life.

I'm kind of caught at a crossroads, I want to hear how others are getting on and I also want to encourage everyone to succeed a sbest as I can, but is this at the expense of my own 'recovery' if that's the right term ?

I don't feel vulnerable at all, but I would love to get to a point (some day) when smoking doesn't eneter my mind at all.

Anyone else ever thought this way ?

18 Replies

oldestnewest
  • I know exactly what you're saying Horse and to some extent i don't think about them as often as i did...... hence i'm not on here too often these days BUT i still get times of craves, sometimes it's for a day or a few days and it's at those times i come back on here for support.

    I don't even have to post anything as sometimes just reading other peoples posts helps me tremendously.

    I think (for me) it's a case of remembering my roots, it stops me getting complacent, reminds me i'm not out of the woods yet and adds another notch to my resolve to quit.

  • Hi Horse,

    I sent the following as a PM to a few trusted members back in March and I think now is the time to post it on the public forum...

    Hi xxxx,

    I've decided that what I have to say might not be suitable for the public forum so I'd really appreciate your advice before I post. As well as being a busy bee, one of the reasons I've not been here is because my OH thinks it might be contributing towards how stressed I've been feeling about my quit lately.

    The last few weeks have been really tough. Smoking has been dominating my thoughts and I've been getting angry and stressed out with myself for constantly thinking about it.

    I complained to my OH that no matter how hard I've tried I couldn't stop thinking about smoking. He basically replied with 'well what do you expect - you're spending every spare minute on that forum - how could you not think about smoking?!' (I'm not really getting accross how the conversation went here - it was all very nice and he's been very supportive).

    Anyway, OH suggested that I stay away from the forum for a bit and see if things get any easier. So that's what I've been doing. I've been lurking, briefly catching up on how you're all doing once a week or so but that's it.

    Thing is, I do feel a bit better. Maybe it's just because I've reached a stage in my quit where things get easier and it has nothing to do with not spending time on the forum, but there is the possibility that time away from here has helped me to stop thinking about smoking and made my quit easier.

    I'm not sure where to go from here. I do really like the forum. In fact I feel as if I need it at times, but I don't want to compromise my quit - what should I do?

    I'm going to PM one or two other trusted members the same thing - I'm not sure I should scare away the newbies by posting this publically. Or should I? Perhaps it can offer some sort of explanation as to why the constant thoughts of smoking? I just don't want it to come accross as if I'm saying 'this forum can actually make quitting harder as you'll be thinking about smoking all the time'.

    Would really appreciate your advice.

    Angie

    xxx

    I've been mostly staying away from the forum since - catching up on the latest maybe once a week or so. I'm pleased to report that I'm still smoke free :D

    Best of luck with your quit.

    Angie

    xxx

  • hope that i'm doing this right, always a lurker and never ever a poster. but you feel about the same that i have been feeling the last few days and i'm at day 26. thought it was me and i was starting to think that my resolve was starting to weaken, real glad that you posted how you feel, was ready to stop reading the forum, but i still need support.

    Glad you posted G2S, welcome on board and congrats for realising/admitting that you still need support to keep your resolve strong, we're all here for each other :D

  • Horse - I can understand why you have posted. I feel my need isn't as great as it was in thoese first few days and i do feel confident that i can live my life smoke free, which, I guess, also means not talking about it quite so much.

    I do want to help others if i can and i aspire to be one of the long termers, which obviously means carrying on reading and posting. I feel the pain of the first dayers, but also i can see a preview of what may lie ahead in month 2, 3, 6 etc.

    But at the same time, i actually like the idea that smoke related issues and topics are of no concern to me, because I am a non smoker. Like, I don't have to keep numerous lighters in my pocket anymore; i don't have to weigh up a hotel's stance on smoking before i book, or check out the smoke hut when i visit another workplace. As hard as quitting is, it makes life so much easier in unexpected ways. It is teaming it down outside right now and I don't have to get wet cos i have no desire to go out there in the wind and rain and try and light up. I am clean and warm. So... why would i want to talk about smoking, when that is part of my (very recent) past?

    Maybe being part of this forum is kind of jarring with our new mindset. That said, i do not think for one minute i won't need the support somewhere down the line.

    I think i will continue to lurk!;)

  • Hey Horse

    Heres the thing with this forum. When we quit we need the support of others who have/are going through the same things we are, to offer support and advice and sometimes even comfort.

    After a while we get to the point where we feel that we can go it alone and no longer require support/advice so we drift away in the hope that we no longer think about the evil weed.

    The problem with that is that a forum of this nature needs people to give back what you take out, so in reality members need to offer support and advice to newbies for the site to survive and prosper.

    Some longer term members very kindly give up a lot of their time to come on daily / weekly / monthly to give back the support that they have recieved without the desire to recieve thanks or reward.

    So yes this forum does work, but only if people return what they take, and sometimes this does mean members have to endure the odd reminder of smoking, but a little break away from the site and before you know it hey presto all is forgotten / forgiven.!!

  • I will appologise now for the ramble and advise any one who is of a weak disposition to skip this post if they want to, I will not be offended.

    much :(

    I have had a similar conversations with my OH as in does the site make you think about smoking more than you should and if it does, does this put you at a greater risk of smoking again, my answer to that for me is NO, because as you can see I am a regular member, I come on quite a lot and 17 months later I am still smoke free, I believe that for me the forum has kept me smoke free and yes it does remind me that I was once a smoker but I need that reminder to keep me focussed and to make me realise how easy it could and can be to slip back into the trap of being a smoker yet again.

    You don’t have to come on every day or even every week, some people just need to know the forum is there for them when they need it.

    Johnj6922 put it across very well, if the quitters that have been lucky enough to get to a place of security then surely it’s because somebody who has been quit longer gave them the strength and courage to stay quit and was here on this very forum for them giving there opinions of how to get through, so surely we to need to be there for the newer quitters in the same way.

    I would not be here if it hadn’t been for some great support at the start of my quit.

    Your OH is maybe right but you have to decide the length of time you need the forum for as sometimes turning away from the advice and support can leave you vulnerable and can even sometimes jeopardise your quit.

    I wish you and all those quitters on the forum the easiest quit ever, but when it’s not easy you know where we are.

  • Some great response from everyone, thanks for that.

    I hope my post didn't come across as critical or negative, and it's almost reassuring that some of you have had similar thoughts about visiting the site.

    I will continue coming in here I think mainly to see how others are doing, god forbid I have a relapse I may need to come back cap in hand with apologies and seeking more advice !

    I definitely got an awful lot from the first few days/couple of weeks and being in here, many had some great ideas and tips that I found really useful, I only hope that I may be able to provide similar advice to any newbies.

    Thanks again

  • We may not all have the answers but I am sure we have all the questions

    and this is the place to post them, giving up smoking does tend to make us an al yse our thoughts and even to some extent our actions, but it’s all a positive learning curve and I hope it will provoke some great replies to help keep you quit.

  • It's a personal thing for everyone. For some it's healthier and better for them to drift away when their quit is established. I tried it myself, but found I was a lot more uncertain and wavering without this place.

    It's not just about helping others, sticking around. It's so good for reiterating your own reasons. Reminding yourself of the journey you've made. Reinforcing your understanding. Tell others to keep going, and it makes you stronger too.

    This blog sums it up better than I ever could, though:

    talesfromthequit.com/you-co...

  • I always find that helping others (hopefully) helped me as well. You have to put another 'hat' on to reply to someone else in trouble which in turn makes YOU think when you are in trouble, or uncertain. I can totally understand those that feel it just makes them think about it when they probably wouldn't. Ther are no rules here, we take and hopefully give what we want. It is at the end pf the day, a forum to help us quit. If it achieves that purpose, no matter what, it has achieved what is set out to do :D

  • Hels - I think you have a point there, there is sense of satisfaction in knowing you've helped someone but it;s also an opportunity to re-focus your own thoughts.

    That was an excellent attachment as well....

  • I find that when I am feeling weak, I come on here and it makes me feel alot more positive and strong? In the beginning I was on here daily, now 101 days later its probably every few days or so? It's a comfort to me to know it's not just me that has certain feelings, cravings etc. If anything this forum takes my mind off of smoking even though that's all we talk about - lol, maybe it's because my mind has something to do?:rolleyes:

  • I find that when I am feeling weak, I come on here and it makes me feel alot more positive and strong? In the beginning I was on here daily, now 101 days later its probably every few days or so? It's a comfort to me to know it's not just me that has certain feelings, cravings etc. If anything this forum takes my mind off of smoking even though that's all we talk about - lol, maybe it's because my mind has something to do?:rolleyes:

    ..... and to realise we are not the only one to feel what we do, it is normal, others feel it to. We can breathe a sigh of relief and also help others when we associate with what they are feeling.

  • Am on Day 49!!! Unbelievable for me.

    Have had similar thoughts re forum. Does going on it keep alive the "Smoking" part of my brain!! Is this forum stopping me from moving on??

    Have given this thought - even before this thread appeared - and NO forum is just fine. Or else how come I am at DAY 49 - and not back to smoking!! Forum works for me. It is one of many tactics I have had to employ to get me to DAY 49. Each one compliments the other. And day by day I have got this far.

    Take away one element and I am scared I will fold like a house of cards would if you took away one of the foundation rows.

    So - get used to seeing me pop up regularly. This forum is keeping me on track to reach day 50 without folding!!

  • Here is a conundrum for you all.

    I hear you all say you think non-stop about ciggies.

    So rank these in order of time spent thinking about said subject.

    Ciggies

    Shopping

    S e x

    Research ( allegedly ) shows that women think more often about shopping - than men think about s e x.

    Men think about s e x every 7 seconds.

    So you decide -what deserves more of youur thought process.

    Ciggies, Shopping or the other!! Shopping wins!!!

  • sometimes its true that coming on here would make you think of smoking more than if not BUT...in the beginning of my quit i was on here everyday and i firmly believe that if it wasnt for this forum my quit would not have lasted and i will be without a smoke for 5 months on june 1st!!:eek: i also only come here now maybe 1 time a week or 2 weeks but i do believe in giving back to those who are starting now and checking in with those who have helped me along the way and just making sure everyone is ok!! keep well and strong and smoke free and congrats on your time quit!!

  • There's not a lot that hasn't already been said. For my part the forum has helped me focus on why I'm doing what I'm doing, and even though I have felt quite strong during my quit - with hardly any cravings - the community spirit here has reinforced my determination and also allowed me to learn about many different aspects of giving up smoking. Like many others who have quit long-term, I intend to stick around to help the newcomers.

    Alex.

  • It's a personal thing for everyone. For some it's healthier and better for them to drift away when their quit is established. I tried it myself, but found I was a lot more uncertain and wavering without this place.

    It's not just about helping others, sticking around. It's so good for reiterating your own reasons. Reminding yourself of the journey you've made. Reinforcing your understanding. Tell others to keep going, and it makes you stronger too.

    This blog sums it up better than I ever could, though:

    talesfromthequit.com/you-co...

    My sentiments entirely.I feel I need a month here regularly and take it from there.

You may also like...