I thought I was unshakeable in my quit but there are somethings thsat come along and rock the stability.
I wasn't sure if I was going to post this but it is a major hurdle I have overcome in not smoking so I am.
On the 13th of this month I found out I was pregnant. On the following Friday at 4am I woke in excruciating pain (Little background, I have previously had an ectopic pregnancy before, thats a pregnancy that developes in the wrong place for anyone that doesn't know, and lost my left tube). So the pain is now on my right side and I am sent to hospital with a suspected ectopic. Kept in hospital, had a scan and the results cam back that there was what appeared to be the pregnancy in my right tube. Was told that I was probaly going to have to have an operation to remove the tube which would leave me with none (no more children).
This was the point I would have smoked if I could have. I was so very close to scouting the patients for cigarettes. The lady in the bed opposite me smoked and I was just judging whether or not I could ask her if I could have one. I had this massive turmoil going round in my brain, I just want to smoke, but smoking won't fix this, it won't make it go away, but it will make you feel better, no it won't you'll still feel shit and you will have smoked. I had this battle go on for an hour at which point the Dr came back to see me and said the consultant had looked at my scan results and wasn't sure it was ectopic and didn't want to operate straight away but do repeat bloods in 48 hours and I was sent home.
Turned out that it wasn't ectopic but I did miscarry, which is better than it being ectopic although still a little sad.
My one really positive thing to come out of this is that I am still not smoking. I have faced the worst thing I can in my life. My biggest fear since having to have my tube removed all those years ago is having another ectopic and loosing my remaining tube and that all appeared to be coming true. Although I wanted to smoke, purely from a needing my crutch to lean on, not even an actual craving, I didn't do it.
And the other bit of good news is that I found out my oxygen saturation levels are that of a non/never smoker and my resting heart rate has dropped from 80 to 60.
The reason I have chosen to post this, although obviously a very personal thing, is that it is the truest, hardest test I have come up against since stopping smoking and I did it. I got through without having to smoke. Yes I thought about it but I didn't do it.
If I can get through this without smoking I think I can get through anything.