Came so close to smoking

I thought I was unshakeable in my quit but there are somethings thsat come along and rock the stability.

I wasn't sure if I was going to post this but it is a major hurdle I have overcome in not smoking so I am.

On the 13th of this month I found out I was pregnant. On the following Friday at 4am I woke in excruciating pain (Little background, I have previously had an ectopic pregnancy before, thats a pregnancy that developes in the wrong place for anyone that doesn't know, and lost my left tube). So the pain is now on my right side and I am sent to hospital with a suspected ectopic. Kept in hospital, had a scan and the results cam back that there was what appeared to be the pregnancy in my right tube. Was told that I was probaly going to have to have an operation to remove the tube which would leave me with none (no more children).

This was the point I would have smoked if I could have. I was so very close to scouting the patients for cigarettes. The lady in the bed opposite me smoked and I was just judging whether or not I could ask her if I could have one. I had this massive turmoil going round in my brain, I just want to smoke, but smoking won't fix this, it won't make it go away, but it will make you feel better, no it won't you'll still feel shit and you will have smoked. I had this battle go on for an hour at which point the Dr came back to see me and said the consultant had looked at my scan results and wasn't sure it was ectopic and didn't want to operate straight away but do repeat bloods in 48 hours and I was sent home.

Turned out that it wasn't ectopic but I did miscarry, which is better than it being ectopic although still a little sad.

My one really positive thing to come out of this is that I am still not smoking. I have faced the worst thing I can in my life. My biggest fear since having to have my tube removed all those years ago is having another ectopic and loosing my remaining tube and that all appeared to be coming true. Although I wanted to smoke, purely from a needing my crutch to lean on, not even an actual craving, I didn't do it.

And the other bit of good news is that I found out my oxygen saturation levels are that of a non/never smoker and my resting heart rate has dropped from 80 to 60.

The reason I have chosen to post this, although obviously a very personal thing, is that it is the truest, hardest test I have come up against since stopping smoking and I did it. I got through without having to smoke. Yes I thought about it but I didn't do it.

If I can get through this without smoking I think I can get through anything.

Sian xx

14 Replies

  • Hi Sian,

    I am very sorry to hear your sad news. My daughter in law is suffering the same so have a little insight into what you are going through.

    To get through that and not smoke is brilliant, a real test of your resolve. As you said, it would not have changed anything.

    I wish you all the best for the future and hope that you (like my daughter in law) get your wish.

    Gaynor xxx

  • Amazingly strong of you not to give in. It was a huge test of your resolve, and you came through. You should be truly proud.

    I'm so sorry about the miscarriage. Big virtual hug coming at you from Oxford way xxx

  • Sian,

    Your post really moved me, wish I could give you a big hug. I am so sorry you have had to go through this, I hope you have lots of support at home. How you found the strength not to smoke is beyond me, an absolute achievement and huge well done. Rest up and look after yourself xx

  • Sian I am so sorry, thats a sh1te result but like you said it could have been even worse and to be honest do you think that at least now you have quit the chances are that you will conceive easier now and carry it full term next time, ectopics are really bad and scarey as well so you have done amazingly well not to have let the nicco demon get the better of you, take care and I hope that there will be dozens of little Sians running around there smoke free Mum before long, ok maybe not dozens but I am sure 2 would be enough :D so well done you for being strong and not giving up an excellent quit xx

  • Sian

    Thank you so much for sharing this very personal and very sad time for you. What totally awful things to have gone through.

    You have done so extraordinarily well to stay away from the cigarettes and I do hope that amongst the sadness you're able to be very proud of yourself.

    I do hope you recover quickly and that before you know it there's another small Sian on his or her way to join you!

    With much love and respect


  • Sian,

    I was saddened to hear what you were going through. It must have been terribly difficult yet therapeutic putting it to "paper" I really am sorry Sian, life can really suck sometimes. Any support that you need, you know we are all here for you in any way we can be.


  • Hi Sian,

    I'm not on here so much lately but I'm glad I came across this. I so truly admire your dedication to your quit - you really were faced with your greatest fear and still managed to say no and stay smoke-free.

    It's still an awful situation you went through and reading your post saddened me... am really sorry. Really hope everything turns out right in the end.

    I know I can't put my hand up and say for certain, 100%, that I would have made the decision you did - and that just shows how amazing you (and your quit!) are :)

    Thanks for sharing


  • Hi Sian,

    i dont come on here very often now, but have just popped my head around ther door and seen this thread.

    How brave of you to share what must have been a very personal thing with us all- well done for not smoking through that horrid experience.

    I had a miscarrage 4 years ago, and it was truely a terrible thing, and my heart goes out to you.

    How pleased you must be that you STILL havent smoked though! I am so proud of you, i hope you are proud of yourself too!

  • What can i say of ur loss .....:( Thankyou 4 this post . And well done for not giving in to the weed it so must of been hard all round .xxxxx

  • Hi Hun

    Sorry not been around much but i have been reading the posts on here and i wanted to say how proud i am of you for not giving in but also for staying strong though all that.

    PM me if you like as i am back again now and yup still smoke free too.


    JO x

  • Thank you all for your kind words.

    I am ok with everything. It is sad but it is just one of those things that happens and it could have been so much worse.

    On the up side it has made me realise that I no longer need to smoke. I can get through my worst fears and come out the other side a non smoker.

    I was also really pleased my oxygen levels are so good. I was talking the the nurse about it and she said if I hadn't of told her I used to smoke she would have just assumed I never smoked, which was really nice to hear.


  • Hi Levs,

    Good for you for getting through this without smoking and realising that you don't need to. I have already said how said I am for you in a previous reply on this post.

    Just wanted send you a huge hug and say good for you for still being strong in your quit.

    Being told your oxygen levels are so good must be quite a bonus as far as the now being a non smoker goes.

    I wish you all the best for the future, in your quit and your personal life.

    Gaynor xx

  • Well done lovely. (HUG!!!)

  • Sian thank you for sharing with us and sending you huge hugs x

You may also like...