Tomorrow is my final day 1. I have been here many times before, I pretty much haven't stopped thinking about quitting or trying to quit since my first attempt this year which was January 17th and lasted 4 days. My “reason” for smoking again then was along the lines of “oh I know I can do it now, so I’ll do it properly next time” (oh so naive to the nicodemon!). Since then various quits have lasted various amounts of time and had various "reasons" for smoking againbut my fave has always been “I’ll do it tomorrow” and genuinely believed it every time, then tomorrow becomes the next day, becomes the weekend etc, etc.
This time I am committing to quitting. Good or bad, overall I know it is the right thing. i've done my reading, i feel prepared, i feel positive. The tomorrow thing cant continue or it will be the end of April, then May and I’ll just be where I am now. I wouldn’t still be here, still be trying if I didn’t really want to, so I need to just do this now. I want to know what it’s like to go a whole week without smoking, and more, to not worry about my health, smelling bad, spending money on cigs and all my other reasons.
Mostly now I don’t even like smoking anymore, I just do it cos partly addiction, partly cos it’s what I know, how my day goes. I know it doesn’t help with stress, from experience. It adds stress cos I feel the stress of having “lost a quit” and shelling out money I don’t have when buying them.
I want to be able to have a “non-smoking” diary – I wanna know what it’s like past day 5, to be able to be proud of myself. To get to the point where I’m amazed that I haven't smoked for so long, to hit the milestones. There are many more reasons but mostly i dont want smoking to be part of my life anymore.
Sorry for the looonng post but in the past months i've tried "secretly" quitting, but really that was just an excuse so i wouldnt have to fessed up if i messed up So for me part of committing is posting on here. if i've missed anything vital, let me know - but i think i've used all the words there are
See you tomorrow eve